Very sorry for the long post, but thank you very much for reading.
I have been with my DH for 11 years (2 married) and my relationship with PIL have always been courteous (polite on my part as our personalities are the complete opposite). They do annoy me and test my patience (such as FIL taking it upon himself to stand up during our wedding breakfast to make a 10 minutes speech or MIL suggesting we change our honeymoon destination to my original country so they can come with) but there have never been any major enough problems, not one that compel me to post online for advice, though I have posted once before asking for reassurance concerning said relationship.
We now have a 3 month old DS and since his pregnancy was announced, my relationship with PIL seems to have taken a nosedive.
It started with them changing their minds about disliking children, which I can understand as DS will be the first grandchild on both side of the family and having your own is very different. However, they still only like babies as toddlers are messy and undisciplined. And have warned us that they will never visit again, unless DS is up to their standard.
PIL had also forced a hospital visit (after my 2 day labour) as they have to be the first people to see their grandson, and, with the first comment being “he’s cute so well done” and then a lengthy discussion about how much he look like their side of the family.
When we finally got home (a week after the birth), they forced another visit and comment on how messy our one bedroom flat is while asking for their refreshments.
Then telling me (a few week later) that DS “finally look better now that I learn how to feed him properly”. I have inverted nipples so breastfeeding was difficult hence why we had to stay for much longer in hospital (and the reason for DS losing more than 12% of his weight).
I also have to explain myself every time I tried to take DS off MIL (she preferred to be the only person holding DS during our visits) for feeding as she had 3 children (now all in their 30s) and would surely know what DS want and need, unlike me who had no experience. MIL had also tried to take DS when he was being handed back to his mummy.
And telling me that “DS eyes must have come from the milkman” as his eyes are neither mine or DH colour. Now I realised this could probably be a British sense of humour but as MIL had said this to me in private, it doesn’t really sound all that jokey.
Also phoning our house phone, on our wedding anniversary at 10 o’clock at night to ask how our anniversary was going and a quick chat. And yes it was lovely until you phone and wake DS up.
And babysitting SIL’s Westie after they specified time for us to visit. Apparently, SIL is having her friend with a 2 year old over and having the dog there might not be safe!
I do realised I sound like a stress out first time mum and that these problems aren’t exactly world ending. So I am prepared to be told YABU. But I am reaching the end of my tether as DH doesn’t understand why I get upset by his parents’ words or behaviours and will never want to upset them by even mentioning anything.
And before you ask my own parents aren’t exactly supportive either but at least its lots of advice (on what they did wrong when bringing me up and into this world i.e. don’t repeat the same mistake) over the phone (they live on the other side of the world with no definite plan to visit, yet).
So am I being unreasonable? Oversensitive? Is this normal grandparents’ behaviour?