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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not take spent pocket money out of their accounts?

40 replies

TerribleHumanBeing · 05/03/2014 21:36

We pay money in every month, and it gets topped up by birthday/Christmas and by healthy injections from my wonderful in-laws.

Every now and then we encourage the dc to spend some of their pocket money on toys/treats they want. Dh has just realised that I don't actually then transfer money out of their accounts into ours.

We're at a bit of an impasse with this. He says we aren't teaching them the value of money.I say they have no idea how much they have (it's in the high hundreds so I'm not telling them) so the idea if spending their 'isn't cash is enough. Also, every so often they'll be given cash by grandparents or other relatives that just gets subsumed into the house spends (we are not terribly organised and if there's a fiver laying around someone will nab it to buy milk or bread etc) so I reckon it evens out.

Mainly though, I like to treat them.

What do you think? Aibu? Kids are 11, nearly 10 and 2. No access to their own savings, it all goes through me.

OP posts:
Lucyccfc · 05/03/2014 22:16

My DS who is 8 has a saving account with quite a lot of money in, which is for his 'future'. He gets £3 pocket money a week and that goes in his piggy bank. He knows how much is in there and generally saves all his money to buy football shirts. He wants a new pair of shin pads at the moment, despite having 2 pairs, so he is going to buy them from his own money.

He is an avid saver and doesn't like to spend his money, but if he asks for Match Attacks or a DVD, I tell him he has to pay and he does. That way he understands about savings and spending.

Picturesinthefirelight · 05/03/2014 22:23

My two have always known exactly how much they have in the bank. When they get birthday money they have a choice whether to soend or put it in the bank.

I always withdraw the cash if they want something. Dd has just paid for a school trip out of her savings.

AgentZigzag · 05/03/2014 22:25

Sorry for hijack OP, but as you've mentioned match attack cards lucy, I found a stash of 30 odd cards outside the house, am I right in thinking the (probably a) lad who lost them would be happy to get them back?

Just thinking on whether I'd look a twat putting up a found poster on a couple of telegraph poles Grin

I've got two DDs who aren't into them, but in my head they're on the same level as a 4 YOs teddy because they're so well thumbed and were obviously in a pile, I hate thinking of him being sad because they'd dropped out of his bag or whatever.

WooWooOwl · 05/03/2014 22:31

I don't think you're doing anything wrong, and between you and your DH, I'm with you, but I don't see how this is teaching them the value of money.

They need to have their own money to handle so they can see it grow or shrink depending on what they choose to do with it. It's not going to make any difference to them that their purchases are coming out of their money if they don't know the value of their money.

Original poster
TerribleHumanBeing · 05/03/2014 22:32

Zigzag, you are proper lovely.

Ds1 has moved on from those and onto Minecraft and raspberry pi but he would have been bereft to lose them when he was into them. They were well loved.

OP posts:
Theas18 · 05/03/2014 22:34

We did this! And yup put most it into isa eventually

However when they get to the age they can have a cash card do set up another account, pop some money from the original account ( say20 quid) to start them off , then let them actually personally pay in birthday money etc, monitor their balance, pay for their own coffee when they meet mates in Starbucks etc. pocket money (for us this is a small amount of actual " fritter" money as my mum would put it- we don't expect them to buy clothes etc ) goes in directly from us.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 06/03/2014 00:01

We keep a certain amount of DCs money in cash, in an envelope each in a safe place at home. About 50 euro each.

But I'm similar to you, in that I tell them to buy using their own money, makes them think twice about their purchase. But about half the time I forget to take the money out of their envelopes.

My DDs have no idea of their credit union balances. It is a decent amount, and I'd hate it to be mentioned at school, etc. DDs are 10 and 11. My own mom only shared details of my own childhood savings account with me when I went to college. I'll probably do same.

Morloth · 06/03/2014 00:18

I do this sort of thing all the time, DS1 has a moneybox and sometimes I get him to give me the cash, but most times I don't.

I do however sometimes raid his moneybox for cash in emergencies and while I also mean to top it up I don't also get around to it.

So it works out.

Much like the arrangement DH and I have, it is all family money. He has all of what he needs and most of what he wants.

AgentZigzag · 06/03/2014 00:23

Aww, I'll get DH to print off some posters and put them up then.

I originally put them on the wall outside the house, but as I was having a nosy casually looking out the window there was some old bloke looking at them and he started to put them in his pocket. I opened the window and said 'Are they yours?' and he slowly shook his head and sheepishly started getting them back out of his pocket and putting them back on the wall Grin

I was a bit of a way off from him so hopefully he won't recognize me and give me the evils as we pass in the street Grin

Oriunda · 06/03/2014 16:25

DS is only 2 so no pocket money yet, but I have started teaching him that we need money to pay for things. He hands over money for small things and I help him put the change into his money box. I save for him via a shares isa and pension fund but when he gets pocket money this will be managed by him, ie he will have access to and decide how it gets spent.

I agree with your DH. Save by all means for your children, but give them a proportion to be spent as actual pocket money by them. They need to learn to budget and understand the concept of saving up for things.

boodles · 06/03/2014 16:44

Op I do this too. I just can't bring myself to 'take' their money. They don't buy things very often, to be fair.

StarGazeyPond · 06/03/2014 17:37

My son started 'handling' money at age 5 - he learned how much he could save, and spend, etc. etc. Many years later he is excellent with money and extremely sensible.

He could not have learned this your way, OP Sad

tigermoll · 06/03/2014 19:43

Stop accidentally spending their Christmas /birthday money, even if it is 'lying around '! Not ok, even if you tell yourself it somehow evens out.

HermioneWeasley · 06/03/2014 19:49

We pay into DCs savings and put majority of Xmas and birthday money in there too. They also get pocket money and if they buy something when they're out they pay me out of piggy banks when they get home.

They need to see the money coming out and understand that now they have £4 instead of £6 (or whatever)

hickorychicken · 06/03/2014 19:53

YANBU my dd's have savings but i still get them little bits of crap, dp wouldnt really be arsed as long as we can afford it.

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