'Spoiled' teen or abusive parents?

[InsanityandBeyond]

Daily Mail link below about a US teen suing her parents to pay for her to go to University after they cut her off due to not liking her boyfriend.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2573165/My-mom-called-porky-dad-got-drunk-told-I-just-daughter-Explosive-claims-spoiled-cheerleader-18-suing-parents-support-ran-away.html

If what she is saying is true I thoroughly agree with her claim.

The DM comments section has got my blood boiling and I think the judge is an absolute arse.

What do you think?

'Applying for US uni you have to put your parents income info and they have to agree to pay their "share" of costs on the paperwork, even if she didn't live with them she wouldn't get loans and grants to cover anything at all without all her parents income info and tax information.'

The state of NJ emancipates her at 6 months. Well within time.

She is after their money. Why, if she hates them so?

I am American by birth myself, left 12 years ago. I have three close friends who were abused horribly, they joined the Forces, to get out of where they were and to gain a job, free training, insurance and then the grant for university. And another three who were not abused, only poor, so signed up for the job, the training, the insurance. My sister's husband's sister among the latter three. Their father committed suicide, age 24, after permanent injury in the VietNam Conflict. At 18, she gained entry to Air Force Academy. She is now a multiple-degreed engineer, a mother of 4 and a great officer.

Private school and 'support' till she stood 'on her own two feet', HA! When is that? She does not want to apply for grant and loan as emancipated, although the state has determined her as such. Probably wants to go to private uni or uni in another state and not take out loan to do such. In the US, if you select out of state uni and you do not have parents who served in the Forces in that state for 6 months or more or other cause for residence (usually one year working) you are beholden for out of state fees. Private uni you are beholden for fees regardless.

This girl never learned the hard way, how hard life can be. Turning up drunk at school, ignoring curfew past 11PM, calling your mother a cunt, all brought up in evidence.

Some people, many, learn, early, how hard life can be, and do not seek legal action for someone to pay for them. They find a work around and there is little sympathy, for adults who run off and then expect their parents to pay up after the state has said they are emancipated.

'Applying for US uni you have to put your parents income info and they have to agree to pay their "share" of costs on the paperwork, even if she didn't live with them she wouldn't get loans and grants to cover anything at all without all her parents income info and tax information.'

I think I read that she had been emancipated by NJ, so she will not need to give any info regarding her parents on Financial aid paperwork.

She can get a job and work through College like a lot of young Americans have to do.

ops sorry expat for the cross post

OP why on earth would you think the DM had given a true account of events?

She is emancipated by state of NJ, by time of need to pay. This woman has demonstration of emancipation by April, 6 months, end of tax year. Tax year is 15 April there.

Emancipation in most states is by marriage (people married at time of application, usually 18 without parental consent), court order, ward of state or care leaver, active military personnel, person living outwith parental home for 6 months or more.

From what I have read on this case, the state of New Jersey considers this person an emancipated adult.

If they are so abusive she should wash her hands of them and walk away.

Clearly she is capable of that.

You can't always get what you want.

A person age 18 may join Armed Forces with no parental consent.

I think that if she was underage, it would be fair for her parents to pay financial support... to the parents that took her in and not directly to her. There is probably even a case that the parents be responsible for the same level of schooling/fees until she completes high school as they committed to it in the first place.

But as an 18 year old. no. Your parents may pay for college, they may give you a car, even a wedding and a trust fund. But even if you grow up expecting these things, there is no legal or moral entitlement to it and it is up to your parents to decide how they spend the money.

My impression is that she is a kid who has never been told no and is selfish and entitled. Losing this case would be a good lesson for her.

Believe me, I am 43 and have several friends who stuck to, '18 and out.' They can't join the Forces until then. They HAVE to be 18. They can sign on, at 17, and actively deploy the day they turn 18 without parental permission.

That is the crux of it, she is 18.

I know people who were in far worse situations, abuse, just counting the days, in two cases, the summons to base camp fell on the day or two or three days, after they were 18. But they were 18. Conscription as well. 18.

Cunt is not an appropriate word in the United States. I'm a lesbian from New England, and pussy is more acceptable in the venacular.
This girl is a spoilt little miss who has found herself a lawyer. We have far too many lawyers in America. The whole family needs counseling and mediation.

If her story is true, it is her parents who are irresponsible and loveless when she doesn't accept their tyrannical control. They have made it clear they will not tolerate her in the house at all unless she carries out their wishes. This is a girl who has worked hard (perhaps too hard) to bring her parents pleasure and ace everything they have asked her to do until very recently. Some of the parents demands are reasonable (speaking respectfully to Mom) and some are utterly unreasonable (demanding that a young woman of 18 years old drop her boyfriend simply because they don't like him). If it's true that the girl's mother has been instrumental in the development of a life-threatening mental-disorder, that her parents have refused to pay her last term's college fees despite being under contract to do so, that she has been a pawn in her parent's marriage for some time, and that her father has made inappropriate sexual advances towards her, I feel very sorry for her. It's clear the parents have been heavy handed at the very least, and don't seem to turn a hair at depriving her of an education that would fit their daughter in take her place in life. Whatever she has done or not done, parents should not read emails from their 18 year old daughter in which she is begging them to let can come home, only to respond with terse list of conditions that seem to be roughly translated as 'hang your head and walk low. If you're prepared to live in a subdued state, we might tolerate you'. Speaking personally, if I was that daughter, labelled 'bad' the moment a disliked boyfriend comes on the scene, I'd be feeling very claustrophobic and desperate at the moment. Not conducive to eating large helpings of humble pie and breakfast, lunch and tea. Only a foolish father says 'do exactly what I want or I won't have you in the house'. Oh, and there wasn't any alcohol-related demeanour - somebody got that wrong.

An emancipated adult is eligible for grant and loan for primary university education within his or her resident state. If he or she choses to go outwith his or her resident state, or to any private university, he/she is subject to all tuition and fees, and loans of that. There is an in-state and out-of-state tuition, and those whose parents have served in the Forces must chose a state of residency, where their parent has served 6 months or longer.

The US federal government, backing student loans, garners the wages of those who take student loans and try to evade payment, after graduation and employment, to repay student loans backed by government, once their earnings surpass a threshold and do not apply for temporary hardship license, or qualify for it. You can lose professional license and even driving license for failure to repay student loan (and child support) and may have any asset seized or even be imprisoned, as only debt to government can be. Their internal revenue have powers to seize assets, licenses, wages.

Many poor will find themselves indebted to federal-backed loans on top of their grants and work, and will pay back in work after finishing their education. If one choses to the join the Forces or qualifies to undertake military academy education, grants are in place as well as certified education in trades. Military academy students are, well, a breed apart and rare, not like Sandringham here, for strictly aristocrats. They are chosen on merit and ability. As it involves a free university education, to the worth of $100, 000+ and officer training, all military academies have very strict criterion. Rarer still is The War College, from which recruits like Gen. Colin Powell were invited.

This girl seeks to sue her parents for monies to go where she choses, to be unemancipated despite leaving home and not living there, and as de facto guarantors for any loan she choses, or responsible for tuition, fees and even living costs, to the risk of both their property and pension which may be of benefit to her two younger sisters in the event of their possible death together.

Hence, the judge, and all judges are elected in the US save state and federal Supreme Court Justices, who must be approved by elected officials, has been vocal about the case and evidence brought before him.

The outcome remains to be seen, but judges at state and federal level under Supreme are all elected.

She is emancipated, wouldbe, under stat of New Jersey law. An emancipated adult is free to seek payment of her education in her own right, or work, age 18. Her high school education is provided free of charge by the state of New Jersey. Her petition is for unemancipation and to that effect. If they are so bad, why does she seek unemancipation, under NJ law, as an adult, where her case is being heard, in state court? Her case is being heard in the state of New Jersey, state law prevails until after judgement in this case and then she is free to petition federal Supreme Court.

She's 18 and should just find a way to get by. Its their money and they're still alive so she has no absolute claim on it. Having said that, the parents are being manipulative and they'll probably regret it in the end. She shouldn't be subject to their whims in terms of whether they like her boyfriends/friends or not. I dislike the idea of people who try to control others with money..'its available as long as you do as I say'. Either way their relationship is damaged now and its a shame.

I think it is very foolish indeed to give teenagers unlimited funds with no conditions or expectations.

When my two are this age I will of course support them, however, that support might actually mean not giving them money.

My love is unconditional, my financing your decisions is not.

My oldest child died, and we are working poor.

If I won the EuroMillions of Friday, I would give the bulk of it away.

This girl is 18. And that is how the law will see it. STATE law, she is beholden first to her state, NJ, of whom she is resident.

Would I disown my surviving children? Well, the only thing I can think of, truly, is if they, forbid it!, are of the Ian Huntly variety. Hopefully not.

But these parents don't disown her. She does them.

It is not a good situation, but well, the judge isn't really liking this. Probably for good reason.

FFS, if you can see what they see, especially in the US.

And he is civil court.

Gawd, you see some people. And start singing the Nine Inch Nails song, 'Can this world really be as sad as it seems?'

It is a hell of a precedent to set.

wouldbemedic - I googled this case and discovered that because of her allegations her parents were investigated (partly at the request of her school after she made certain disclosures to them) by the state's child protective services. As part of the CPS investigation her younger sister's were also questioned alone and separately.

The judge in this case has access to the confidential details of the CPS file. However we can draw some conclusions as to it's contents.IF her claims of abuse had been substantiated then her two younger siblings would have been removed from the family home to foster care or her parents would already be under some kind of legal order to improve their parenting. That's how these things work.

I'm not an expert on US law but I do know that if abuse of a minor had taken place then the state would bringing a case, or initiating formal action of some sort against her parents in order to protect her younger siblings. That is NOT the case here. Instead as a result of their investigations they've declared her to be emancipated e.g an adult capable of making adult choices and standing on her own two feet.

However BFF Dad isn't doing this out of the goodness of his heart or the refund in legal fees he has chosen to shell out wouldn't be part of the claim. Whatever way you look at it, their The judge in this case has access to the confidential details of the CPS file. However we can draw some conclusions as to it's contents.

A good student she may be, but like many a teen before her she was veering off the rails. She was suspended for poor behaviour from her school twice, many a Dad would worry that perhaps a brand new boyfriend might be leading his sheltered little princess astray and seek to end the relationship.

Likewise she'd started breaking her curfew & coming home drunk. Harsh fact of life that a pretty teen trashed out on her own in the early hours is at high risk of becoming a victim of some sort of crime. You can't blame her parents for trying to prevent their child becoming yet another victim statistic. Stories of date rape etc are rampant nowadays sadly.

It's also perfectly normal for a schoolgirl to have a curfew - freedom comes for most young people at Uni. It's a traditional right of passage.
The real villians of this piece imho are her best friend's family that have not only taken her in, but have really stirred the pot and funded this legal action. (It's part of her claim to recoup the legal fees on their behalf). If I took in a teen child like this, it would be on a temporary basis so nothing bad happened to them while I did everything I could to reunite the child with her parents.

There is evidence that the parents were trying to reconcile their differences & we all know that sometimes a sensible 3rd party can help with teens. Were I in this income bracket I'd probably offer to pay for some family therapy to help things along. How on earth does it cost £650 a week for her bed and board? Are they feeding her caviar and champagne at every meal? That's approx 34,000 a year, a figure not to be sniffed at.

Without their rather dubious "support" I suspect a very grumpy, chastened teen would have sloped home by now and be looking forward to College life in the normal way, along with her peers. It's totally normal to rebel a bit, and it's totally normal for your parents to reel you back into safer waters when you do so at this age.

Whatever way you look at, their behavior in this affair is really ODD. It's just not normal to interfere in a completely unrelated family's affairs to extent they have done, especially in this income bracket. I can only conclude that BFF family have some sort of angle that benefits them and not this rather impressionable girl in some way.

It's very sad and I'm starting to see this girl as a victim of some sort of master manipulation by her BFF's family. All the publicity this case is attracting will stigmatise her with potential partners and employers for life.

Perhaps the best thing that could happen to her is that she could be removed from the area entirely by order of the judge and placed with a foster couple for a few months. (perhaps even out of state!) This would mean she'd have to repeat her last year of high school, but would give her a chance of getting her head on straight away from the malign influence of her friend's father.

I hav a friend who I supported through a similar situation, there was no court case thank goodness but...

My friends dd became friendly with a new family (boy) to her school, both 17.

My friend was having trouble with her dd. she wasn't listening staying out late at her BFF house ( who's mother allowed this) used foul language when at home and aggressive behavior.
The dd was also very selfish & ungrateful, nothing was ever good enough, holidays were "crap" her parents were "shit", presents were "pathetic" & not as good as everyone else she knew had. She wouldn't get a job, walk the dog , empty the dishwasher... Nothing. Any requests were met with "go fuck yourself".

The dd was spending more & more time with the other family much to her parents distress. One night the dd was grounded for calling her mother a "cunt" and the boy BFF turned up screaming obscenities & kicking my friends door with her terrified dc inside.

My friend called the bff's parents who instead of being horrified claimed he was concerned for dds safety.

Apparently the dd had been making disclosures , none of which were true but in fact designed so she could gain sympathy & be allowed to stay at BFF house for long periods and avoid going home to do any chores set her & to piss her parents off.

Turned out shed made disclosures to the school also to get away with bad work etc.

Turns out dd had been threatening my friend & her DH (dds father) for years. They both have respected important jobs and there dds favorite threat was to make disclosures about them.

She tore the family apart.

Her parents almost lost their jobs.
They did lose there standing in the community and were ostracized & treated like crap by some. Gossiped about gleefully by most.

Theses are good people & good parents.

Sometimes working hard for your dc to provide for them means they never realise how good they have it and there sense of entitlement & self righteous demands know no bounds.

Turns out the male BFF was gay & experimenting with risky sexual behavior & drugs & the family liked my friends dd around as she was a good influence on him. So they encouraged & used the girl to benefit themselves and her family is now broken for the foreseeable future.