To make a complaint about a teaching assistant?

[daisydoo222]

There's a TA in my son's class who I find to be extremely rude, I'm thinking about making a complaint about her but not sure if I'd be wasting my time and energy?

She's only been at the school for around 6-8 weeks but already I've been 'told off' by her twice and I feel it was totally uncalled for and I'm not happy about my son seeing someone speak to his mother with such little respect.

The first occasion I got 'told off' was because my son (4) had sweets in his pocket and told the teachers that I had given them to him that morning. The truth was that he had been to his DSD's the day before who had let him take some sweets home, they went in his coat pocket and I didn't know anything about them. She made such a song and dance over it and when I told her why they were in his pocket she questioned me as though I was lying.

Yesterday I was 5 mins late picking him up, it is the first time I have EVER been late, it only happened because there was a fire and there were roads closed off which delayed me.
Well OMG she was sooo rude, I got "you do know its 10 past they finish don't you?!!!" well the official finish time is quarter past but they open the doors at 10 past because some parents have to collect other kids from the other side of the school.
She gave me such a filthy look and even after I explained about the fire she still went on to a rant about punctuality.

The thing that's annoyed me the most is the fact that she's spoke to me disrespectfully in front of my son, I wouldn't let my husband speak to me like that and I would never speak to anybody like that.

The school is such a happy place, all the other teaching staff I friendly, happy and kind to all the kids and parents, I really don't think she fits in with the school at all. I don't like the way she is with the kids either, she's a lot more negative than all the other staff.

I've asked to speak to the actual teacher tomorrow about several things, is it worth me complaining about the TA? Or is it just going to end up causing more tension?

what gives any support staff at the school pull you in the playground.. usually in front of your child and give you a ticking off in a snarly manner?

I wouldn't expect this from a teacher or headteacher either. If there's something they need to discuss with you they can do so in private.

I think you need to speak to the TA (and maybe the head as well).

If she has spoken to you in a rude way in front of your son, I think its only fair to respond appropriately. For eg "I've explained there was a fire, I've never been late before, I don't need a lecture on punctuality" etc

(appreciate its hard when someone takes you by surprise)

I'm a TA. This woman sounds terribly unprofessional. She might just be really bad at talking to adults though and if this is the case she shouldn't be having that much contact with parents.

Definitely speak to the teacher about her abrasive nature.

I don't think you are being precious, staff should think about these issues and get it right. DH went to collect DD from nursery a few weeks after she started - most people had learnt the routines but it was his first time. He went in the wrong door and got a row from a member of staff. He came out looking pretty abject and saying that he felt there was a culture of "men not welcome".

fiscal you don't the issues that we're having with our 4 year old though. Sorry but when I'm trying to tackle his behavioural problems and his lack of respect that he shows for me than yes I think I'm perfectly within my rights to say that I don't want him seeing other people talk to me with a lack of respect.
I wouldn't tolerate rudeness from my partner or children so why should I tolerate it from a TA? Especially when it is in front of my son?!

And I did apologise on both occasions, and explained the reasons and it is normal for somebody to just accept an apology, not to question them as though they are lying.

I know I am a good mother but she makes such a song and dance over these little things, she makes me come away feeling like I'm some failing mother. Yes that is me being over sensitive.
I'm not sure if she thinks that I'm just sat on my arse watching Jeremy Kyle all day and should therefore have the time and energy to be some super mum, I don't think it may have even crossed her mind that actually I look after my baby during the day whilst starting up a business and then go out to work during the evenings and at weekends. And yet I still manage to find the time to play with my kids, wash them, feed them well, read with them etc etc. so forgive me for not knowing he had sweets in his coat pocket and for picking him up 5 mins late, hardly crime of the bloody century!

I think the best thing would have been to have dealt with this face to face as it happened. But you've acknowledged that already.

In the two scenarios you have described it may have been useful for your son to have seen you deal with the situation calmly and directly, there and then, given that he has issues with lack of respect for you.

Calm down about it. I think you're building this up in your mind to a big issue through frustration with yourself. Which is something i do too, when i know i've failed to stand up for myself in a situation.

Have a word with the teacher, by all means. But resolve to calmly pull her up on the way she is talking to you if the matter arises again.

You were wrong, on two counts. Not your fault, but still your responsibility.

I can see that in relation to the sweets, but how on earth can OP conceivably be in the wrong in relation to the fire?

It's not on. You need to complain to HER. I would. She will keep doing it and you might lose your rag with her.
Maybe with the teacher there tell her, calmly, you don't want to be spoken to in that way.
Seriously she sounds like she's on a power trip.

O.k, saying "precious" was a bit catty.

But you are clearly overly sensitive, which you illustrate by your post about her assuming you watch Jeremy Kyle. She probably did not spend that much time thinking about you or how you live, let alone if you are a "good mother".

To me it looks like you cannot cope with criticism well, and make things a bigger deal in your head, by attaching all kinds of moral judgements about "being a good mother" to a couple of comments.

She may have been rude/grumpy, maybe you being late for pick up meant HER being late for wherever she had to be next.

As to your son being unable to witness anyone being treated with a lack of respect, I agree with the poster who said it would have been useful for him to see how you dealt with it calmly and directly (which you probably did?).

She was annoyed at you being late, as it made her late. You then may have made a passive aggressive apology (like you do on here, as in "excuse me for not being the perfect mother") and slowly get in a rage about the (perceived?) slight on your mothering skills.

I think making a big deal out of it and going to the HT are an overreaction. Probably.

I have been late for school, when a doddery old granny drives 20 MpH all the way in front of me at the single track road. It is still my responsibility/fault for being late. IMO. And up to me to be very, genuinely, apologetic.

Fiscal the OP says she was apologetic but the TA carried on at her after the apology. That's not on and that's the rude bit, the TA right there.

As well as the implication OP was lying about the sweets and not accepting that apology either.

So yes, I feel in this case TA is being rude.

I would challenge her directly in the first instance. Something like 'Please don't speak to me like that, I am not one of your pupils and I do not appreciate you taking that tone with me'.

I do think you are being a bit precious though OP, get over it. I don't think it is appropriate to call this bullying either.

next time say "Yes, I get the message" and leave?

Some TA's do think they are far more important than they actually are. I've even heard some of them refer to themselves as "teachers". Id actually find that quite insulting if I was a teacher who'd been to Uni and done a PGCE and earned the right to be called a teacher.

I would say something to her, but, admittedly, I am a bit gobby.

I'm a TA, though I am also a fully qualified teacher if several years too, but choose I be employed as a teacher for now.

I am always polite to parents. However if I do need to speak to a parent I will do. It's my job to do so. If a child is late then actually it is part of my role whilst the teacher does the register for example.

By the way, my line manager is not any of the class teachers. My line manager is actually the deputy head at my school.

Whilst it is not acceptable to speak to parents rudely. However, some parents do seem to think TAs have very little responsibility and roles in schools. As teaching staff I actually do far more than just sit and help the odd child in class.

fiscal you are right I don't take criticism well, especially not at the moment, just feels like I'm slogging my guts out to look after my family but then my family is suffering life is suffering because I'm working so much...just feels like I can't win whatever I do so yes I am sensitive and emotional because of everything else that goes on.

And yes she probably didn't really make a judgement about what I was actually doing but I just meant I doubt she appreciates or realises how much stress I'm under at the mo, or other parents for that matter. She doesn't have children of her own, I don't think anybody can really appreciate the difficulties of juggling family and working life until they have children of their own.

And yes in the past a counsellor identified that I'm a passive aggressive, something happens and I don't have the confidence to deal with it there and then n then this anger builds up until I explode. That's why I'd rather deal with it sooner rather than wait for it to happen again, when I get angry things don't come out as I would like them to. I want to deal with it, move on and hope that it doesn't happen again.

I think you need to cut the TA some slack. You say she's been in the school a few weeks. She's new to it, and finding her feet, and it could simply be that she hasn't yet worked out how to talk to parents and resolve concerns. If you treat this as a simple mistake by someone new to the job, you could well find it's perfectly easy to resolve either through talking directly to the TA or to the teacher. Which one of us has never made mistakes in our job, particularly in the early days?

If there is then no improvement you can go down the complaint road, but give the woman the chance to put it right first.

maybe just have a word with the TA, saying you felt upset after the last time you spoke?

I am not brilliant at dealing with these things myself, it is easier to tell others what to do .

But one thing I have learned is to pick my battles, and if I genuinely feel wronged (rather than emotional/having a bad day myself) I will deal with it somehow, by speaking to the person directly.

You'll probably find that you get tougher as your DS goes up through the school, some teachers, head teachers and TAs can be little Hitlers but a good teacher/school is worth is weight in gold.

Gamerchick yes see that.

no one has a right to be rude to you anywhere. in itself it's unprofessional and unnecessary and the mark if a bad teacher/TA or indeed any professional.

don't let her get away with it op.

My daughters TA asked her to clean her vomit - my daughter is 8yrs old and was coughing badly when in the bathroom and vomited. she went and told her TA what happened. She took her back to the toilet asked her to clean the vomit that it is not her job. I feel so angry about this and just worried I am at the point of over reacting

i think i would be tempted to point out to her that her role as TA gives her no authority to discuss these matters with me...

Why wouldn't her role as TA give her authority to do that? TA's at my school have as much 'authority' as the teacher. Just because she isn't he teacher doesn't mean as class staff she doesn't have the right to manage these issues. She does.

OP she just sounds like one of these adults who likes to assert her authority and clearly has no idea of how to speak to people properly! I would let it go though I think, and see how it goes, it's not 'bullying' but I'd have told her directly not to speak to me like that. Or have a word with the head/deputy/ask whoever her line manager is at the office and speak to her. The teacher may be just her colleague and not her superior although if she is head of early years she may be the one to speak to - for example I wouldn't expect a y5 teacher to speak to the TA in her class about an issue in her work performance, it's nothing to do with the teacher, only with a manager.

@mom33 - why don't you start your own thread outlining what happened, rather than raising a zombie thread? I'm sure you'll get some helpful suggestions on your rather horrible situation.

My son is 9 and is in 5th year at Primary school. He is quite in personality but with encouragement he has come out of his shell and will say how he feels, answer questions and has a good rapport with classmates! Last term I needed to speak With his teacher regarding two teaching assistance that was in his class who appeared to have an issue with my son. My son would come home feeling quite disheartened that they had said “this! and they said that”! and one pushed past him on a flight of stairs which nearly knocked him down. Having mentioned all my concerns to his teacher on 2 occasions she resolved the situation by speaking to both teaching assistance regarding their approach to my son and the issues seem to have settled, and my son was able to enjoy the rest of this term . My son went back to school in September and unfortunately both teaching assistants moved up a year with him. Having been back at school a new term my son has noticed that one of the teaching assistance is more calmer and approachable as where the second teaching assistant pulled three of the children aside and told them that your mums might of told me to back off last time but this time I’m not. This is put a spoke into the wheel of my son who mentioned what “this TA said to him quite frequently”. The last thing I want is for my son to be petrified and not to go to school for the last two years of primary ! And often says I hope this TA does not say anything today. I reassure him that maybe that day she won’t say anything and she’ll be diverted on to something else or someone else ! Do I hold a meeting with the head of the school with the TA and my son or take it to the governing body? This looks to me as much as I dismiss the word and the term bullying! as she only mentioned certain things to 3 pupils including my son in his class. I’m at the end of my tether!what shall I do?