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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I found a toddler on the pavement this week

58 replies

jellymaker · 02/03/2014 20:35

Out on the pavement with no shoes on and a dummy in his mouth. I stopped and got out my car. No adult around. Walked along the road with him to find an open door. Mum asleep on the sofa inside. I couldn't rouse her until I shouted. She stirred and I said I found your boy on the street. She just said thanks and I shut the door. Place stunk. Rubbish door handle. I phoned the police after i left as i was concerned she would fall back to sleep and he would be straight back out. I have spent the week wondering if I have just ruined some poor girls life when she was knackered and fell asleep by mistake. Please tell me I did the right thing or did I over react?

OP posts:

BumpyGrindy · 02/03/2014 20:54

I wouldn't have gone myself....I'd have stayed until she sat up and I could see she was awake properly...then I'd have called social serviced re the wandering toddler and the mess.

If she wasn't ok the police would have spoken to you.

Original poster

jellymaker · 02/03/2014 20:56

I was so taken back. I couldn't think what to do. Is anyone a police officer. Do you think she would be charged with neglect?

OP posts:

Finola1step · 02/03/2014 20:57

You did the right thing.

The police are unlikely to call you and give you any real details. You may get a very generic call telling you that your call was followed up etc. But you will be told v little.

DarlingGrace · 02/03/2014 20:59

It really depends on the circumstances doesnt it - diabetic coma? stroke? many reasons why this might have happened.... of which neglect is one.

However, I would have stayed with the child not left it.

ILickPicnMix · 02/03/2014 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monkeyfacegrace · 02/03/2014 21:01

Hang on, stop the witch hunt.
We dont know the circumstances. This could be a mum who has been sleep deprived, possibly preg again (extra tiredness), who has literally burnt out and fallen asleep. Endless possibilities.

She may well be a druggy or anything else you want to label her, but we will never know.

I know Ive made some pretty fucking stupid mistakes (like leaving a door unlocked) whilst sleep deprived.

LettertoHermioneGranger · 02/03/2014 21:07

You did the right thing.

There was something wrong here. It's not the fact she fell into a deep sleep that's the issue itself, it's her reaction to her child being returned. It wasn't normal, imo. It doesn't sound like an understandable shock.

For reasons of neglect, drink/drug, or medical issue, she does not sound to have been in a right state of mind while caring for this child, and it was imperative that she received help.

gimcrack · 02/03/2014 21:08

You did the right thing. If she did have a medical problem, the police will have dealt with it. If Social Services were needed, the police will have called them.

Original poster

jellymaker · 02/03/2014 21:09

Well that is my point monkey. I can't help feeling that I have landed some poor mum in Shed load of trouble that she didn't need. He looked ok. The place stunk but there was no mess in the room and she had stair gate up on the inside door that was shut so she had remembered to do that.

OP posts:

HairyPotter · 02/03/2014 21:09

I don't see a witch hunt here

I see concern for the little boy and reassurance that the op did the right thing in calling the police.

YouTheCat · 02/03/2014 21:12

She might just have been sleep deprived - true, but then she might really need some help and because you phoned the police she might get some.

She hasn't wilfully neglected her child by the sounds of it.

I think you did the right thing. Better to call and for there to be no real problem than not to and for something awful to happen.

NewLisaLife · 02/03/2014 21:28

You can ring for an update.

SmashleyHop · 02/03/2014 21:35

This happened to me once- Back in the States I lived on a large cul-de-sac and had to drop my sister off at work early in the morning. My son was only 3, and I left him with my partner who offered to watch him while I was gone. I returned to the house 45 minutes later to find a police car in my driveway.. I got such a horrible feeling in my stomach.

The officer told me that my son had been found in the middle of the road crying. The neighbors across the cul-de-sac from us saw him and took him to their house. They fed him cereal and called the police. The police knocked on every door and eventually came to ours where a very frantic partner was searching the house for my son. Apparently after I left my partner thought it would be ok to let my son sit and watch some TV while he took a nap on the couch.

It's hard to put into words the emotions I was feeling all at once. I was relieved he was unhurt, he could have been hit by a car or kidnapped.. That realization has never left me. I was so angry at my partner I could have killed him, luckily for him the cops were still there! Then I felt sorry for him, he was visibly shaken- I could tell he had been crying and as soon as he saw me he just looked like a broken man. Then the eternal gratitude I felt to the police and my kind neighbors for looking after my little boy. I was a mess really.

The police questioned me, ran my info to see if there were any other issues and told me not to worry. Ever since I have never dared leave the house without locking the door behind me. Plus the thought of taking a nap while my kids play makes me want to vomit. The point is OP- if this was just a genuine mistake, this woman will be ok. If there is something more sinister, well then you've done the right thing for that kid.

deakymom · 02/03/2014 21:39

she might have been ill i remember one day i was very ill single parent no one to call for help i struggled all day running to the loo desperately trying to keep fluids down everything to keep myself awake i fell asleep my daughter was two luckily she just tucked me in with her blanket and carried on playing but i really dread what could have happened

a friend of mine went to bed one night locked up kids in bed all is well two am the police knock the door with her child who had been found asleep in the road no clue how they managed to get out without waking anyone she ended up with social services asking how the hell it happened to be honest no one knew

Selks · 02/03/2014 21:40

OP I'm a social worker and I believe you did the right thing. The main thing is the safety of the child, and if services now get involved to ensure that then that is a GOOD thing.

Original poster

jellymaker · 02/03/2014 21:53

Thanks for your response smashly. I haven't really thought through what the alternative response should have been. No shock, dismay, embarrassment. Just thanks.

OP posts:

Em1503 · 02/03/2014 21:54

A similar thing happened to me once. I came out of my house to see a toddler wandering in and out of the parked cats on the road. If a car had come and he walked out from behind one of the parked cars there wouldn't have been a chance they would see him. Nobody was around looking for him so I picked him up and took him into the local ship next door. Nobody in there had lost him or recognized him so I started to walk up the road with him towards the pub. As I approached a woman wandered out and said something along the lines of 'oh there you are' I explained what had happened and she thanked me then went back into the pub with him. I'm glad I found his mum but I regret not calling the police. I had him for a good 5-10 mins whilst trying to find where he'd come from. It still makes me feel uneasy even now and this was about 6 years ago.

Morloth · 02/03/2014 21:58

Sometimes we drop the ball.

If my kid was found wandering on the street I would be glad someone cared enough to not only bring him home, but look deeper into the situation and call the police.

It was about the baby's safety, not about how it makes the mum feel as mean as that sounds.

TheReluctantCountess · 02/03/2014 22:01

You did the right thing and you may have ensured that the mum gets the help she might need - for whatever reason.

SmashleyHop · 02/03/2014 22:05

That is odd Jelly- I hope for the little boy's sake this is just a one off for his mum. It took a long time for my partner to forgive himself and even though I wasn't there I still blamed myself. Just a "thanks" seems like an atypical response to finding out your child was wondering the streets.

SmashleyHop · 02/03/2014 22:06

*wandering even

littledrummergirl · 03/03/2014 00:05

We had just moved to a new area when I was a child and my dm received a knock on the door.
The policeman standing there asked if she had lost anything.
"Oh no" she said as my db and ds came around the corner.
They were toddlers at the time, dm thought they were playing nicely upstairs, it seems my db had stood on ds back to reach the door catch so that they could look for the park.
I wouldnt worry, they will probably have checked she was ok and left her to it unless there were other issues.

Caitlin17 · 03/03/2014 00:59

The police won't get back to you unless there is going to be a prosecution and you might be a witness.

Of course you did the right thing. If it had been me I might have phoned the police first rather than trying to take him home.

Turnipinatutu · 03/03/2014 07:39

You did the right thing.

This happened to a friend of mine. She was having problems after a terrible chain of events and was actually an alcoholic. Nobody realised how much she was struggling, or how serious her drinking had become.

When her 2yr old wandered out of the house and was picked up by the police, it was one of the things that jolted her into sorting herself out.
She received a good telling off and was warned that things would be taken further if there were any other incidents.

She needed help and support and after that, all her friends and family knew too.

Rooners · 03/03/2014 07:59

You did the right thing.

I say that as someone whose baby escaped the other week, he is 14 months, and crawled/toddled out to the road (end of a 20ft drive) while I was putting away the shopping at the other end of the house - I'd made a point of telling my 6yo twice to shut the front door, asked the 10yo to keep an eye on the baby, but they both got distracted and he went for it.

Friends were driving by, saw him and stopped and brought him back - I was in shock for about an hour, crying, really upset.

I emailed the friend later to apologise and thank her for saving his life and I took her flowers the next day.

I would STILL have thought it fair enough if she had reported us. It was one of the worst moments of my life and I really felt like handing over my children as it was such a massive fail on my part.

So you did right - if she is coping fine she won't object, and if she isn't, she may get some help. It's upsetting for her yes - but not as upsetting as nearly losing your child in the first place. iyswim

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