So i read mumsnet a lot when looking for advice on certain things, this time though i have something to post myself.
I have two children, one 10yo boy with a previous partner who is here 50% of the time (more in the holidays) and with my current partner a beautiful 8 week old little girl.
Since the birth things between my partner and i have gotten worse, we don't necessarily argue, we try to talk problems out as much as possible. My partner though rarely actually talks listens but rarely reflects to me how she's feeling until she becomes overwhelmed by it all and has a bit of a flip out. Recently this has gotten worse and i find she just closes off and won't face anything that involves emotions or having to sort a problem out, and instead walks out to her dads and with no reassurance if or when she's coming back.
I've ased her what can i do to help, and i only get the one word answer of "nothing" all the time at the moment. she's breastfeeding too and her eating the past week has been virtually nonexistent (maybe a piece of toast mid morning) and that really worries me as obviously this will also affect the feeding of our daughter. we've talked about how she feels and it's very obvious she is pretty depressed in general. it doesn't help that she doesn't get along with her mother and also her nan that she's close to is on her death bed. so yeah, a lot to deal with at the moment for her.
This week my son is staying over and he and my partner get on fantastically. the other night he was watching a film with her and was also interacting with our daughter ticking her nose. he hurt the little one by mistake by simply prodding too hard the once, not badly at all but enough for her to cry like the world had ended for a few minutes. Understandably this upset my partner, it upset me too and she told me about it and i discussed it with my son - i don't like to give a row, i prefer to help create an understanding of why something is not right or whatever - he was really upset about it all and went to apologise to my partner, they then spent the next two hours together watching cartoons and joking around, and with our daughter there too.
So yesterday, my partner is having a really hard day and hasn't eaten all day, and to be fair my patience are wearing a tad thin with the constant negative stuff that's said to me and nothing positive at all, i know that's due to the depression but i also know that to continually be told i'm not doing enough when I do do a lot is really heartbreaking and hard to deal with, especially as the truth is i do as much as i possibly can, most of the housework, all the financial stuff i deal with, shopping etc etc and my fair share with our daughter too. granted some days i could do more, i find it hard being so tired to keep the energy levels up too. anyway i digress, to cut to te chase i was asking what i could get my partner to eat and all she would say is "nothing" i calmy talked with her about how this not only affect her health but could our daughter too and all hell broke loose, not about the eating but about how she's scared of my son being around our daughter and how he might hurt her. I can't lie, hearing that devastated me, it broke my heart and i felt so torn apart. all the emotions i felt at once were too much - resentment, anger, confusion, panic, heartbreak - i suggested that she needs to be the adult and address that because it's maybe a bit of a strong overreaction to an innocent mistake and we'd sorted it out earlier in the week.
She immediately upped and left, and hasn't been back since, just a text asking when she can get her stuff and no reply to when i can see our daughter or if she'll try to fix things. I get she's protective of our daughter, more so because shes her first child, and could maybe take what I said as perhaps belittling of her feelings.
I'm not sure if i'm clear in what i say or what advice there is to have, or if i'm just posting to get it out of me. either way i have no idea what to do anymore and i feel in myself really depressed too.