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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have complained

14 replies

hanaka88 · 27/02/2014 14:56

I haven't posted here for ages and ages but I don't want to talk about this in real life because I don't want to discredit the wonderful organisation.

Basically my son has ASC and other severe learning disabilities. As with a lot of children with ASC he doesn't like loud noises.

My son does a lot of sports with a company who specialises in sports for the disabled, the particular sport he was at the other day was mainly filled with children with autism. There was a coach there (his regular coach) and a volunteer. The coach was running things and being brilliant like he always is, and the volunteer (18/20 year old girl) was sat on the benches looking miserable and not doing anything (also like she always is)

Anyway the session went brilliantly as usual, and my little boy tidied up all the balls himself like he always does (he has very good behaviour) and put them all in the bag. At this point everyone else left but I had to fill in a form so stayed so it was me, the coach, the volunteer and my son in the hall, as well as a couple of staff members from the gym, one of whom I know.

The volunteer seemed to be straightening the balls so all the labels were upright while I was filling in the form and the coach was talking to the staff. My son went over to see what she was doing and tried to 'help' by rolling the balls the same as she was. The volunteer then screamed directly down his ear "don't you dare do that, they're all straight!" The noise sent him into immediate overload and he started crying and the member of staff who we know came over and picked him up and tried to calm him with me.

The coach shouted 'see you tomorrow' and left with the volunteer. He didn't see what had happened and I was busy sorting out my son.

When I got back in the car I rang the coach and told him what happened. I was fuming at the time I'll be honest and he said that she's young but there was no other reason for her to react like that (sometimes they hire disabled volunteers so I assume he meant she didn't have any kind of learning difficulty that would have caused that sort of reaction) they have just rang me today and told me that she won't be returning to the class.

Now I feel guilty that I lost her the volunteer job that she probably needed for a course or something.

OP posts:
fatfingers · 27/02/2014 14:58

I wouldn't feel guilty. She was totally out of order and if she sits there looking miserable during every session, she shouldn't be there anyway.

kotinka · 27/02/2014 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anonymai · 27/02/2014 15:02

You definitely did the right thing. If she didn't want to lose her place she shouldn't have been a dick.

Original poster
hanaka88 · 27/02/2014 15:02

Thank you. I do tend to feel guilty about everything all the time. But I also am prone to extreme reactions if it's anything to do with my little boy so just wanted to check. Smile

OP posts:
ScarletStar · 27/02/2014 15:04

You have done her a massive favour. If she wants to work in that area she needs to learn. If you hadn't done this she might have cocked up even bigger later on.

Imnotmadeofeyes · 27/02/2014 15:05

I would probably feel a twinge of guilt if I'm honest but logically if she sat there during sessions doing nothing and behaved so badly when interacting with your son it's clearly not the right volunteer position for her. Just because she's there for free doesn't mean she gets to decide how her time is used or which rules she should be following.

You've done her a favour as she was clearly getting nothing out of it.

I could go on to speculate that she's probably got some issues she needs to work on if she thinks it's appropriate to shout at a child in that way at an activity intended for them - not her perfect ball straightening skills -
Numpty.

Original poster
hanaka88 · 27/02/2014 15:07

Thanks so much. I feel slightly less guilty now.

OP posts:
Imnotmadeofeyes · 27/02/2014 15:09

Oh and I would say any child bar the
most confident, stubborn ones would react the same way to an adult screaming at them like that.

I'm not belittling your sons difficulties, just wanting to reassure you that you're definitely not overreacting to the situation Smile

Original poster
hanaka88 · 27/02/2014 15:10

Well yeah I wouldn't scream at any child like that. But he really didn't understand and got so upset and scared. The majority of children would though I know Hmm

OP posts:
RabbitPies · 27/02/2014 16:41

YADNBU. There's no excuse for that.Your ds sounds like such a lovely child. How sweet of him to help.

GoEasyPudding · 27/02/2014 16:59

100% did the right thing, no wait, 100% and a bit more on top!

Extra virtual hug to you both right now as well because that was a horrible thing to happen but you dealt with it really well.

Booboostoo · 27/02/2014 17:21

I can't see any reason to scream at a child at a fun event (other than some weird emergency situation). The volunteer sounds remarkably unsuited for volunteering! Maybe she was forced encouraged to volunteer by her school/college for credits or for her CV, or by a parent who has an interest in the activity?

CumberCookie · 27/02/2014 17:37

Totally right thing to do, your poor ds.
Even if she was doing a course an is young, she should know that that is a totally unreasonable way to behave, and if she doesn't she isn't right for the course.

Original poster
hanaka88 · 27/02/2014 20:24

Thanks everyone. Booboo my DP made a similar comment and it does ring true because all the other volunteers, even new ones, seen very hands on and wanting to impress and she just sits there. But I always put it down to her being shy. I don't know, either way I'm glad I wasn't over reacting about the incident Smile

OP posts:
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