AIBU to think a caveat should be made in the gbh laws ...

[littlemslazybones]

to allow mothers of newborns to drop kick any fucker who asks if their miserable screaming baby is hungry.

As if you are clearly so inept as a parent that hunger had not crossed your mind. Especially when, but not limited to when, that mother is buying fucking gripe water from you at the Boots counter ( even though she knows, as do you, it's a fucking placebo).

Then can we extend on that to permit drop kickings when asking if the baby is cold when said baby is clearly well wrapped.

Could someone make this happen while I have a nap? Thanks in advance.

Nope, not UR at all. That, and "Awww, is Mummy keeping you up by dragging you out shopping? Are you tired?" Followed by an accusing look.

Yep, we'll throw that one in there too. Although I've yet to experience that particular accusation. Clearly I look like the type of Mum who forgets to feed her baby.

And I've misused caveat, haven't I? Bollocks.

I'd widen it to any implied criticism which is addressed 'to' the baby and not the parent.

If you want to say "He/she looks tired/hungry/miserable" then please direct your remarks to the person who has sufficient language skills to understand your remarks, and don't be passive aggressive by talking to the person who can barely understand your tone of voice at this stage.

Not doing so deserves that drop kick...

Please can we add 'is he being good' which is of course code for 'is he sleeping for 12 hours straight even though he's 4 weeks old and that's medically impossible'. Thanks awfully

Yes, that too. Absolutely, I forgot the passive aggressive strategy that doesn't give you the opportunity to release the rage respond.

Can we also add baby talk? It MAY be beneficial to babies to hear gibberish, but it still winds me up. I know people who will happily hold whole conversations with ADULTS along the lines of "Oooh shall we go for walky-tats even though it's all windy-whuffles outside?" Makes me murderous.

I'm grumpy.

Oh yes Wilson that one is in. We seem to be amassing quite a list.

Or perhaps we can drop kick those stupid people who think you are abusing your child on a hot's summer day by NOT wrapping said child in a dozen layers of arctic fleece. Even though the baby is clearly quite hot.

My response is 'he's very good at being a baby' You can have that

Ditto what Wilson said. I came on to say that. Obviously the correct answer to that question is "well, she/he hasn't stolen a car yet!"

I've long been an advocate of the 'had it coming' defence to assaults across the earhole with a sock full of shit.

That one's in Fry. Not sure about that Strop because no ineptitude has been assumed (and it's so annoyingly widespread we might cause a riot)

I'm pocketing that nicknacky.

This has helped, feel less murderous now. Nest of vipers, my arse.

People who try and tell you their little ones were fully potty trained at 8 months old so you should be trying now, and anything less is lazy parenting. I had this! I was most upset.

'Sock full of shit'

He might have had it coming but I bet he didn't see it coming.

eURHH potty trained at 8 months old.

No you hung your baby over a toilet and occasionally got lucky it didn't shit and piss on the floor.

He wasn't "trained"

Ha! Had the potty training crap from my mum. She was most put out when I told her that starting potty training as soon as I could sit on a potty didn't result in me being dry any sooner than DD was.

I was dry by 2.5 and so was DD. Only difference being was that she'd had me sat on a potty as soon as I sat up unaided, and DD didn't start potty training until after 2 yrs, when she could understand a bit lot better.