To think controlled crying is the only thing that might work?

[GingerMaman]

I would never have thought that I would come to a stage where I would consider controlled crying for my baby.

My 9 month old DD has been waking up at night every hourly since the past 5 months. I have no idea why. She has been teething since the past 2 months, but now all four teeth have come through, though the last one is still coming through but has cut through.

I am utterly exhausted and completely shattered! Thankfully I don't have PND but honestly I feel like it is coming and I really can't do this anymore I have no energy left and feel like my body is shutting down. I have no family nearby for outside help.

DD has milk allergy and sometimes when she wakes up is gassy. She wants the breast hourly and refuses to take a bottle or dummy.

Is controlled crying my only hope? It has been 5 months!

Sounds like she can't self settle yet. I'd work on that, perhaps by gently disturbing her as you lay her down so she briefly wakes but is sleepy enough to drop straight back off, gradually waking her more until you can lay her down awake.

Co sleeping won't be helping, though. I know it's hard to make the jump when they're waking so often, but I made the move with DD at 7.5 months, and she went from waking 2 hourly to waking 2-3x a night.

Something else that helped was my mum taking her for a night. I knew she could take a bottle if she was so inclined, and by then she was taking a decent amount of solids and water, so I knew she wouldn't starve. As it turned out, she refused all milk so went from tea time to breakfast. The next day she was extra hungry so ate more and had more breastfeeds, so needed to feed less the next night. Before she was probably feeding equal amounts day and night, and that seemed to reset her to eat more in the day.

It doesn't work if I send DH in though, she knows when I'm around and won't be fobbed off, we had to spend the night apart to end the cycle.

GingerMamman - have you done anything to address the milk allergy? Sorry if you have mentioned this upthread and I've missed it. The reason I ask is that a friend's DS had a milk allergy and his general disposition (including his sleep) improved dramatically when she cut out milk from her own diet.

What are your thoughts on moving your DD into her own cot? I co-slept with DS and at around the same age (4 months) he suddenly started waking every hour wanting to be breastfed. I continued to co-sleep for another two months but, like you, was beyond exhausted and felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown. I wanted to continue co-sleeping but was persuaded to try a cot (in the room at first) by DH and things really improved.

We did this in conjunction with the Andrea Grace method that people have mentioned above. I would describe it as a gentle version of controlled crying - you are allowed to take them out of the cot if they become too overwrought.

A couple of weeks later, DS is in his own room and we are down to one night feed. He slept from 11 til 6.30 last night - which is the first time I've slept for more than 3 hours straight since he was born

Let me know if you'd like me to elaborate on the method we used x

I just wanted to add that I don't regret cosleeping at all and I would do it again in a heartbeat, just not for six months! In the early weeks cosleeping meant that we both slept more soundly, but I really think that when he got a bit older we both started disturbing each other, and it meant that - because he wasn't learning to settle himself - naps during the day were a nightmare and he was consequently overtired and cranky. It broke my heart putting him in a cot but he's been so much happier, day and night, that I know I made the right decision x

My DS3, who funnily enough also had a milk allergy, was like this. I stopped BFing him at 13 months in the hope it would address sleep issues. It didn't, he got progressively worse until at 17 months DH and I said enough as enough and we did CC. As much as I was loathed to do it, it worked in three nights.

Re. The allergy, I cut out milk from my diet which helped DS3 sleep better but his sleep problems became behavioural rather than physiological. Have you read about studies linked to CMPI and sleep issues?

I really, really feel for you as your DD sounds exactly like my DS.

Yanbu I did it with my ds at 6 months. Worked a treat. Go for it.

Hester - I would love you to elaborate if you have time to post! I'm currently co sleeping with DD2 who has always been a terrible sleeper. At 4 months she is now waking hourly.

you could try the pantly pull out while still cosleeping - slowly reading the need to sleep on the breast.

there's another chap who has a method all around co-sleeping - gradual non-cry method but I can't think of his name right now - if I find it I'll post a link.

4 months is a known sleep regression - possibly due to a developmental leap- lots start trying to roll at this age for example - things are going on in their heads and bodies.

my ds woke himself up rolling around (started rolling at 3 the) and had a strong startle reflex so as he fell asleep his arms dropped and he startled awake - he needed a lot of holding , swaddling and recordkeeping and fed to sleep - it worked out at 2.5 and he sleeps through. I know I was wake-up as a youngster with lots of sleepwalking and sleepwalking so maybe he experiences that too.

recordkeeping = cosleeping - dam autocorrect!

Huge sympathy. My DS was a 4-5 times a night waker. It nearly broke me. We read all the books and posted on as many forums as we could find but from 4 months to 14 was hell. We didn't co sleep and he didn't want fed either. That said at 14 months he just got it. I still remember the terror of waking up at 7am and he was still asleep. I guess I'm trying to say that there's hope and that you should try the solutions that suit you.

ppps - the catalyst for ds sleeping through was df swapping with me for cosleeping when I had an op - ds could be comforted by his dad but I wash't there to feed - he just got more distressed with me if I wouldn't feed him bit was half asleep so no amount of cuddling would ease him with me.

I did cc with all three if mine, was brilliant took a couple of nights, of waking once for a big cry, saved my sanity. but have to stop feeding them in the night first and get them used to sleeping away from you, ad not sure how you cc and cosleep.

Poosnu here is what we did - hopefully some of it will be relevant to your situation:-

We started by deciding on a set bedtime routine. Nothing fancy or hard to recreate when we were away, just making sure that we did the same thing every night. For us, this means bath (during which DS has his last breastfeed - his own addition to the routine!), then into his own room with a low lamp. We sing him the same little song as we put him in his babygro and sleeping bag, and then read his bedtime book (ours is Goodnight Moon, because it is very hypnotic!). As soon as the book is finished we say night night, turn off the light, give him a last kiss and cuddle and put him down in his cot.

The first few nights we stayed in the room with him and repeated the same phrase over and over again. Ours is 'Night, night, little man' - or a soft shhing if he's upset. If he became overwrought then we'd pick him up for a cuddle, but put him back in his cot as soon as he calmed down.

I think it took about half an hour and lots of cuddes to get him to sleep on the first night. Every night thereafter showed a slight improvement, until we are now able to say 'night night' and leave him alone in the room. We listen on the monitor and he croons to himself for ten minutes or so before dropping off to sleep.

In the night, we do exactly the same thing - come down and say 'night night, little man'. If he is hungry, he continues to cry, if not he will drop off to sleep. He's now started to settle himself (with more crooning) for many of those night wakings so, although I tend to wake up, I don't have to go down.

After the third night we made a point of not taking him out of his cot until morning, and then making a big deal of it being morning - i.e. opening the curtains and saying Good morning in a cheerful voice. He seems to have got the idea because he no longer wakes up at the crack of dawn, and usually we're up at a much more reasonable 6 am

With the night feeds, we started by letting him feed for as long as he liked, but only every three hours. After he had started to settle for three hours between these feeds, we started reducing them by a minute a night. As I mentioned in an earlier post, by using this method we've managed to get him down to one feed a night. I should make it clear that we've only felt comfortable doing this since we started weaning - I've noticed that he eats a lot more (breastfeeding and puree) during the day since we started reducing the night feeds, so I'm happy that he's getting enough food. I'm sure he'd let us know if he wasn't!

Hope that helps. Sorry if it's a little rambly - it's past my bedtime

DS is 19 months and only started sleeping through when we moved him into his own room a few days after christmas. Prior to that he was a regular 3-4 times a night waker, most of those between midnight and 7am!!

We did co-sleep a lot, but he also slept in his cot, I started trying to cut down the number of times I had to feed him to get him back to sleep from about 12 months, mainly using pupd, but some cc too. Didn't stop the wake-ups, but he did learn to start to go back to sleep by himself eventually!!

He started to wake up about 10-15 mins after we went to bed on a regular basis, I realised we must be disturbing him, so bit the bullet and moved him to his own room (hadn't before as it seemed pointless with all the night wakings, bfeeding etc and his room is on a different floor to us!). It was if someone had waved a magic wand. He now bf 1-2 times a day, last one before bed, sometimes falls asleep on it, sometimes not, but goes to sleep mostly OK on his own. And more often than not, he sleeps through now.

We were disturbing him, he was disturbing us. He'd see me and want me, but now if he wakes in the night he mostly goes back to sleep by himself as I'm not there.

I'm not saying you should move your dd, she's much younger than my DS, but it might be something worth bearing in mind should other methods not have any effect in a few months time.

It is horrible though, I do feel for you.

I was a co sleeping, breast feeding, attachment parent who tried the NCSS with no success. When dd2 was 8.5 months old, I was at breaking point. Throughout her whole life she had woken every 45 minutes through the night. The only thing that would settle her was bf ing back to sleep. I was seriously like a zombie, and was starting to get a bit irrational about it.

So, I did the cry it out thing. I made her dad, who was living with me but in another room, have her cot in his room for the night. She was eating 3 good meals and having plenty of feeds through the day, so I knew she was not actually in need of milk during the night.

That night was awful, she cried pretty much all night and although she was never alone as her dad was there to try and soothe her, she was pretty bloody mad about the whole thing.

The next day my ex fucked off without even telling me he was going so I was on my own again. I put her cot in her room and put her down to sleep. She settled herself to sleep (for the first time) and then slept for 12 hours straight. Has been an excellent sleeper ever since. I wished I had done it sooner, she had just got herself in the habit of waking up and in just one night she broke the habit, and we've both been a lot happier for it.

Could you look at trying to get more food into baby? I have a nearly eight month old and he eats three little meals a day as well as bottles (formula). I always try and give something protein based in the evening like chicken so that he won't be waking hungry at night.

My baby would eat a whole mashed banana as a snack so I imagine a baby that is eating only a quarter of a banana per day must be hungry.

I feel your pain!! My 11.5 month old is the same.... Things that have helped me are - as others have said - teaching self settling (waking up to put into cot then soothing with lullaby/cot projector till sleep), and elements of the no-cry solution as we cosleep as well (the "nipple removal" technique Does work eventually!!).... My girl is as stubborn as me too - I've heard girls are worse for this in general! - and I have to say although it has been/still is reeeeally hard (also no family nearby to help, plus a narcoleptic/blinking useless dp), the older she gets, the more adorable she gets, & the more grown up she gets (even at not even a year I seesee how much more independent she's getting!), and I'm actually starting to quite enjoy the closeness....Although some sleep Would be nice too!! :) Anyway, hope you work something out - good luck!!

Dd1 was also atrocious sleeper, barely any solid food until 11 months, and had (has!) Cmpa. We once tried letting her cry it out in desperation. She screamed for three hours solid, then threw up. dh and I in tears …That was the end of that! What eventually helped was establishing a 'no breast' time between 12 and 6, when I slept in spare room. Dh did all comforting, so no leaving her to cry, but no milk either. It was a bad few nights for dh,but it worked.

By the by, I love the 'do what are you going to do about her allergy' comment above! Erm, there's nothing you can 'do' about food allergy, except not feed them what they are allergic to!!! Dd is now 5, sleeps through beautifully, but sadly still v allergic to milk. I do think there is a correlation between cmpa and poor sleep though - dd just didn't take to food in general, it being linked to bad first experiences, and that affected her sleep.