To be slightly uncomfortable about my sons older girlfriend.

[Longtimelurkernewposter]

Ok I'm really not sure about this but my ds (24) has started a relationship with a woman who is 36. I'm a bit uncomfortable with it and I don't know why. AIBU?

YABU. My husband is 26. I'm nearly 40. Been together for four years..you do the maths! (oh and we have one child and another on the way! Blissfully happy )

My DH was 27 and i was 37 when we met. 8 years later we're married with a baby DD. He has proved to be a wonderful step dad to my 3 older DDs and i love him madly. Cant imagine life without him. I'm pretty confident he'd say the same. He says we have made him complete.

Age is not really 'just a number', otherwise we would be assigned a random one on every birthday

i'll be honest, I am 34 and wouldn't even look at a 24 year old, they seem like big kids to me

you will be told you are being U, but it would bother me as well

has she got dcs?

I'm 36 and even I find that a bit uncomfortable to imagine. Wouldn't say anything though because he's an adult and it's not like they are hurting anyone.

oh sorry just read no dcs

I can't imagine going out with a 24 yo but thats a generalisation. If I met a specific 24 yo I liked then it's different. When I was 24 one of my best mates was late 60s. We used to have a great time together even though his 4dcs were all older than me. (he died and I really miss him).

I went out with a 25 year old at 34. He was like a giant puppy. It was fun !

my dad is 18 years older than my mum they married when she was 21 they have now been married 47 years, 12 years would not worry me as older than 20 it would if your son was 15--18 but at 24 he is an adult and able to know his own mind

Well yabu but I've got to say that I'd probably feel the same as you

I just would prefer my son to be with someone who was their age or thereabouts. Someone who was at the same stage in life as them.

Having said that though, I'd respect his choice and get over it because ultimately it's not a biggie. You can't help your feelings though so just give yourself time to come to terms with it and try not to voice anything to him!

They're both adults. She doesn't want DC (if she did she might be wanting them sooner rather than later) and is financially independent. I can't see the issue.

I think it's quite a big age gap and YANBU to be concerned. But there isn't much you can do. We can't choose our children's partners for them.

He was like a giant puppy

Cautionary take for you OP. I am 4 years older than DP and was divorced with 2 kids when we met. His mum didnt like me as I was older and had kids (DP already had one child). She was openly hostile to me and made me feel unwelcome. I know what she thought, she gave us 6 months.

We are still together 14 years and 2 kids later. My relationship with his family has never recovered.

Be careful how you are with your sons DP, it might be for keeps.

It does make a difference who is older (the man or the woman) because of differences in fertility. A young man could either be pressured into having a child he isn't ready for (suppose she accidentally got pregnant and didn't want to abort because it was an unexpected last chance). The man might lose the chance to have children because he makes a decision to be with an older woman when he is at an age where he doesn't actually care about having children.

A young man can thoughtlessly spend years with an older woman whom he (in his heart of hearts) knows he won't end up spending his life with. She is then too old to have kids while he moves on to another relationship.

I think this kind of age difference, especially with an older woman, can cause a lot of issues with fertility, guilt, power imbalance, and other unpleasant things.

I would probably be worried, though of course there isn't anything you can do. If I really liked her and I felt that they were honest with each other about the issue of having kids, I would be happy with the situation.

Big age differences are fantastic! My husband is 24 years older than me & always sees me as young (in a nice way!). He's only 11 years younger than my Mum though & I am sometimes a bit at their conversations about the 60's.

We are still together 14 years and 2 kids later. My relationship with his family has never recovered.

Same thing here, despite the fact that she was 12 years older than her partner. However, she made it difficult, she was rude to me and rude about me, and hasn't seen her grandchildren since they were about seven.

Ds1 is 32 his wife is 44, they seem fine and happy and we all love her she is perfect for him!

Im 12 years older than my husband and while we were friends for what, 2 years? before anything more, the reason why we stayed only friends was because I had serious reservatoins about the age gap.

I don't think they were unjustified. The experience gap was so great. Fortunately we have the same life goals more or less. HIs mother was also very worried and I understood why. She's now a brilliant friend and little mother to me, as well as being his mother.

It's worked for us (now) because both of us were willing to change and work at the relationship, but the experience gap and the fact I was his first proper gf did cause problems. We're cool now though :)

So I don't think you're being unreasonable, but from the posts on here and from my own experience things can work out well. Maybe be cautiously supportive?