To not want my DS to have a stash of chocolate in his bedroom

[bullinthesea]

I've been trying to reduce the amount of sugar/junk in DS's diet lately, and to get him eating normal dinners with us in the evenings (he refuses to eat most things I cook!).

Yesterday, my H told me that the two of them have a 'secret' and then explained about the stash & said "oh, it's not doing any harm, as he's eaten all the good stuff, and is only left with things he doesn't like now".

I was not pleased, as it turns out that if DS doesn't like my cooking, he goes off & eats choc from his stash instead.

I don't want to come down on him too hard, as he's having lots of problems with bullies at the moment, but at the same time, I don't want him to think that this is ok.

I'm also disappointed in H's reaction, after all, we had recently agreed that we'd work together to clean up DS's diet, and it seems like he just wants to be seen as the 'cool Dad' and yet again, I end up being the bad guy.

My stance has been 'he can have treats now & then, but only if he's been eating properly the rest of the time'.

I feel undermined.

Maybe I'm overreacting, I don't know.

PS, ds is age 7

Everything in moderation. Except idiot husbands.

YANBU, he shouldn't be stashing anything away in his bedroom and your DH shouldn't be encouraging him to.

What an idiot your DH is. Keeping secrets from you with DS? FFS. Not only that but he told you, which means he has betrayed DS' trust as well.

Yanbu. Why would he eat anything you cook if he knows his dad will provide more chocolate? How silly of your dh.

Your DH is encouraging ds to have a 'secret' relationship with food. It's not healthy for anyone to keep a stash of food to eat in secret and I'm surprised your DH thinks this is a good way to go. He needs to be encouraged and supported to be part of family mealtimes, not given the idea that it's ok to do what he likes as long as it's kept secret!

DH reverts to a little boy about unhealthy food.

I suspect he doesn't want to face up to his own mortality and looking after himself and so hides behind sharing jokes, doughnuts, biscuits and silliness with the DDs.

I also don't think it helps at all that schools and the government bang on so much about healthy eating. I think it does make a sizable number of people feel a right to say up yours! as they open a packet of crisps.

I would be livid if that was my husband. Does he not realise that he is undermining your authority? Your son might come to think that he doesn't have to listen to you as his dad will override anything you say. I would be having serious words with him.

YANBU. I thought this was going to be about a teenager buying stuff in secret.

Yanbu - I wouldn't allow any treats at all unless he participated in family meals and ate the majority of his meals.
If there's things he really doesn't like, don't give them but I'd be sitting down and making a sensible list with him what he will eat.
At the moment he has no reason to finish the meals as he knows the rubbish is upstairs waiting.

Your dh is undermining you and doing your ds no favours, you need to get him on board too.

Blimey YANBU
Nit having chocolate in your room is normal , esp for a 7yo.
Eating what us on your plate is normal as is learning to enjoy a wide range if foods.

But your DH is completely unreasonable. He us undermining you, is lacking respect towards you, is teaching your ds that having secrets from mum is ok. And that an unhealthy diet us

And that an unhealthy diet is

Sorry phone ...
That an unhealthy diet is ok. And that is prob the least of your problem just now.

You need a chat. With your DH!!!

Shocked that this is about a 7 year old
I have a ds this age and he'd stuff himself silly on choc given the chance, at this age I see the parental role as training dc in healthy eating habits. They don't have the maturity to make the right choices themselves at 7.

Your dh is being v silly IMO. Eating chocolate instead of proper food is not going to help your ds in any way. It's hard to see what he is trying to achieve.

Does he like anything that you cook if he can have chocolate instead??

Get him involved in menu planning, prep & cooking if possible.

He might be refusing food as it's something he can control-unlike the bullies!

Hope that that is being sorted out.

Who is buying the chocolate? DH I expect. What is DH's diet like? What is the bullying about? Is your DS overweight? Is your DH overweight? Was he an overweight child? This is wrong on so many levels

I also thought it was going to be about a teen.

It's a bit sad really :(

Your son really needs to be on-board with what you are trying to do and having his stash is stopping him from enjoying a proper meal.

It's hard to get them to eat what you want, but maybe he feels threatened that he wont get anything at all if he doesn't eat what you serve. You could have a half way house in that if he doesn't eat the meal, he can get some toast or something rather than the chocolate.

The rule in our house is that food is only eaten at the table (unless special occasions/movie night etc)

That way we all abide by the same rules and I don't find dirty plates/half eaten fruit and crisp packets everywhere

Firstly, it is imperative that you remove this dangerous and destructive hazard to DC's nutritional health by confiscating it and eating it forthwith.

Secondly, Empires have been built on men trying to get away from their mothers' cooking, as has many a marriage - so keep up the good work on that front.