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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that even if you're a student you bring something to a party

45 replies

peeveddoesntcoverit · 25/02/2014 11:30

I hosted a little party this weekend. I provided lots of food and sweet things, but didn't go overboard on the wine (probably had about a bottle and a half per person). I assumed everyone would bring some.
However, 3 out of the 8 turned up with nothing. And they're all heavy drinkers so by the end of the night, we completely ran out of white wine and I had to say this to people. Which was obviously embarrassing. One is notoriously clueless about social occasions, but the other is my sister.
I was on the phone to my mum and mentioned I thought it was a bit rubbish of her (especially because I picked her up, did her breakfast the next day) but she said "oh well, it's probably because she's a student and can't afford it".
I'm not asking for a £30 bottle of champagne, but even a cheapy bottle of wine would have been OK. Anything!
AIBU to think she's being a tight wad? She's a mature student btw, so not like she's too young to know to bring something.

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 25/02/2014 16:45

Let me get this right. You had provided a bottle and a half per person - and five other people had also brought something too and you still ran out!!

Wow - that makes me feel a bit better about the amount I drink sometimes!

PrincessScrumpy · 25/02/2014 16:45

You take biscuits every time you have a cup of tea at a friend's house? Oh dear I go to friends houses all the tine and they come here but I don't always take a gift :( wine to a party yes I would but not to family party as we're the young ones and my family don't do that. I think it's rude to assume people will bring something but maybe that's me.

ahlahktuhflomp · 25/02/2014 16:47

I take something with me to dinner, but not to a party unless it is specified as a bring a bottle.

I guess really though we don't party since the kids were born (a good thing as far as I'm concerned, parties are a shit chore).

pussycatdoll · 25/02/2014 16:48

I wound never turn up to dinner or a party empty handed
Coffee I'd just turn up

princessalbert · 25/02/2014 16:54

I have always thought that it is good manners to take a bottle of wine/some beers to a party which doesn't have a bar.

So, if a friend is holding a BBQ, or we are invited to the parents' house for dinner - then we take wine/beers/pop for the DC. These are obviously for all to share - we don't sit in a corner hugging our case of Carling.Grin

I am trying to impress upon the DS that it is important to do this too *(they are teens ).

My DM sometimes brings a bottle - but if not she has generally made a dessert or something.
The In -Laws don't bring a bottle. Even though we take one to theirs. They are quite old - and I think most of their socialising/boozing was done in the pub as opposed to house parties.

whois · 25/02/2014 17:12

Oh this is very easy, there are simple rules for parties.

If you're hosting, buy enough assuming people don't bring any booze. Don't want to run out! Over buy on the mixers, no one likes gin and diet coke.

If you're a guest, take enough of what you like to drink for yourself. Hostess gift optional but appreciated.

KatnipEvergreen · 25/02/2014 17:19

I wouldn't buy spirits and mixers at all for a party for 8 people. I'd buy red and white wine, beer and soft drinks.

DCexpat · 25/02/2014 22:23

In the future, just ask people to bring wine if you wan them to! It might be an "unwritten rule" to bring a bottle, but evidently your sister (and socially clueless friend) don't know about it. this forum is starting to make me think that British people are very passive-aggressive

Supercosy · 25/02/2014 22:31

Oh come on....you don't turn up to a party/dinner completely empty handed. That's not some bizarre unwritten rule, it's a given. I have a brother like your sister though OP, however, he is a grown up and is extremely wealthy so he really has NO excuse!

DonnaDishwater · 25/02/2014 22:34

Fill up a bottle of gin with water than "accidently" drop it on the kitchen floor!

Supercosy · 25/02/2014 22:36

Same here Katnip. I have loads of get togethers for friends and neighbours. If I was expected to practically create a pub in my own house with a week's worth of alcohol I'd never be able to afford to have people over. I supply the same as you plus a few soft drinks and everyone else brings a bottle. Obviously if one or two don't it's no big deal but if almost half of them do that it's really unfair.

Picturesinthefirelight · 25/02/2014 22:37

When I was a student I wouldn't have known it was the done thing to take something to a party as it wasn't the five thing in our family. The expectation was the host provided everything (my dad hosts lots of parties!)

Supercosy · 25/02/2014 22:39

This is interesting because I posted a thread around Christmas time asking if it was rude to actually put on an invitation "Please bring a bottle" Nearly everyone said "don't actually put that, it's rude and everyone knows that you take a bottle to a party anyway".....they were right, we were inundated with bottles!

sonjadog · 25/02/2014 22:40

Cheap wine is made for students. Being a student is no excuse for not bringing a bottle.

sparechange · 25/02/2014 22:46

Obviously you bring a bottle when you are invited over!
Especially if it is a party, especially especially if you are being fed while you are there.
If you genuinely can't afford to bring anything, the you don't drink like a fish when you are there. YANBU at all

Caitlin17 · 25/02/2014 22:50

YANBU. I'd never not bring a bottle. Probably 2 and if OH with me 3. I'd probably however have kept an eye out on the level and made sure supplies were restocked before the off licences closed.

Picklesauage · 25/02/2014 22:51

Oh gosh yes you always being something when coming to a party. I don't drink so I always bring something I will be able to drink myself, normally 2 bottles as inevitably someone else is driving and drinks my non alcoholic offerings.

I nearly always bring crisps too.

Original poster
peeveddoesntcoverit · 26/02/2014 07:13

I had no idea everyone was still talking on this thread! Thank you for all your responses.
I think next time I see my sister I'll subtly clue her in on the proper party etiquette. I don't really mind if she turns up to mine empty-handed, she is my sister after all, but just hope she isn't doing it to every party she goes to.
And if she's already aware of the etiquette, which I'm sure she is, I'll have to engage my harsh big sister mode and tell her not to be such a tight wad in future. Smile

OP posts:
BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 26/02/2014 07:22

I understand op, but as a student, if you don't bring your own alcohol you don't drink -none ius provided at all. It's quite a big difference, and if your dsis has gone straight from school, she probably hasn't gone to many parties of this sort where she had to bring her own bottle on top of what was provided - I would have been covered by my dparents, for example. Not trying to excuse, just exp!lain- you have to learn this unwritten stuff at some point.

Original poster
peeveddoesntcoverit · 26/02/2014 10:01

She's a mature student in her late twenties, so no excuse there. Grin

OP posts:
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