AIBU to think when someone dies...

[Greenkit]

You tell their family!

I have just found out last night that my father had died in September 2013, he has been cremated and scattered.

Back story he adopted me, with my real mum when I was about 3 spend my childhood as my father until him and my mum split when I was 10yrs. He remarried when I was about 16, she was quite possessive and didnt really like him speaking to his family, he has two sisters.

Anyway I last saw him about ten years ago, but wrote every year or so, his sisters saw him every 6months. I would have liked to have seen him more, but wife made it quite uncomfortable.

So one of the sisters had her 60th birthday in sept and had invited my father and wife, but didnt get a response. She has been texting and ringing since then, and last week received a text back saying he had died, been cremated and been scattered in their special place, but wouldnt reveal where.

I feel robbed, devastated that I didnt get to say goodbye at his funeral, I have no closure, his sisters feel the same.

They were born again Christians, but this behaviour is anything but.

I am going to visit her today and try and find out a little more about it all.

I don't know but they all have to be lodged somewhere, when you apply for probate you send off the original.

I am going through the same OP. My estranged father recently sent me a copy of his will and a request that I sign power of attorney documents. Totally random and bizarre, no personal note.

I have since (not through him) found out that my mother died nearly a year ago, and he never bothered to tell me.

I was estranged from my parents, because they were so screwed up and abusive it was a case of protecting myself or getting sucked in.

My father is a coward for not telling me about my mother though. He could have written me a short letter.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. It's a very strange feeling, this situation. Holding your hand as I am going through something reasonably similar.

I also am estranged and may never find out when my father dies. That's why I wondered if, short of sorting through the death certificates at St Catherine's House, if there was a database. I would just like to know really, no tangible reason why.

to those going through the same.

This is the first day I haven't bawled my eyes out when everyone has left the house.

Greenkit I'm very sorry for your loss .

Have you considered obtaining a copy of the death certificate? I say this as a way of helping you find some closure by finding out as many facts as you can. It might help you to see things in black and white rather than rely on the words of your father's wife.