Aibu to befriend a recovering heroin addict.

[Suicidal5833]

I lost contact with my cpusin for a few years due to her being a heroin addict. Well now she is doing really well her tests are coming back clean and she is dropping her methadone down slowly.

The thing is she lost all her friends when she gave up heroin and now she is fighting very hard to get her little girl back from her mum.

So we have become very close I should probAbly mention I am a cannabis addict. So close that even though we live thirtyinute drive away she called the other day to say she had argued with her mam and her mam had stopped her seeing her little girl (all sorted now) well anyway sadly I was too late by the time I got to her she had had a hit, the first one in months.

Well there is a bit of back story the problem is we really get on and she only ended up a heroin addict because of bad luck and there wAs a time I could have ended up where she wAs. Now I have bipolar and borderline and am in the middle off a full blown depression. But me and my cousin help each other out.

The problem isy friends and family don't really like us spending time together with the exception of dh. They are concerned as I am in a bad place if she goes back to heroin she may take me with her or that I won't be able to handle it right now if we lose her again. They also keep saying horrid things like watch her in the house in case she steals anything.

Now the thing is they are being pretty judgmental if you ask me most stopped seeing her when she was a heroin addict and had no idea what she was like sure she stole but not from family and we are getting very close we have had similarly fucked up childhoods and I enjoy the time we spend together. Am I being foolish? Like my family and friends say? Or are they being a bit judgemental and saying that just cus she was a heroin addict doesn't mean she fits the stereotype.

Also we were discussing heroin the other day just out of curiosity she brought it up after she had taken a hit and I was asking a few questions and she became suspicious and made it very clear she would never get hold of some for anyone as she really regrets taking it and wouldn't do that to anyone. Basically we have become very close but my family and friends don't like it what do you think?

[overitalready]

Suicidal you sound like your making a hell of alot of excuses for your cousin.

Ended up a using because she had some bad luck? Havent we all? My brother was a heroin addict and blamed his 'bad luck' for his addiction. Its a wanky excuse im afraid.

There is no excuse. The 1st time your cousin smoked/injected did she wonder what 'bad luck' she would bring on the rest of her family / friends?

Addicts are liars and cheats. They will tell you anything you want to hear.

Op whats with your username? Is that how you feel? You need to concentrate on yourself if so.

[CremeEggThief]

I think your heart is in the right place and you are a kind person, but I think you have enough issues of your own to contend with currently. I would question if you have enough emotional resilience to take on the challenge of supporting a recovering heroin addict. May be in time, you can be there for her more.

Best wishes to you both.

[adoptmama]

OP if your own beautiful baby was posting the things you are posting, what would you tell her? You would want her safe, healthy and strong. Would you want her to be using drugs, even knowing the detrimental effect it will have on her mental health and prescribed medications, and looking after a baby? What advice would you give your own child if they had made this post? I think you would give her much the same advice as the posters here have done - you cannot help someone else from sinking when you are already out of your depth and drowning. You need to save yourself first.

You are taking cannabis alongside your bipolar meds and this does not make you hugely responsible in parenting your own child. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I have had long term experience with both bipolar in the family and cannabis use and both of these will impair your judgement. You owe it to your baby, not your cousin, at this point in time. You owe it to the baby to take responsible care for your mental health. I think you sound like a hugely insightful person; the fact you can see you are using your cousins problems as a way of avoiding confronting your own is a great step. Now you really need to confront your own problems too.

When you are mentally healthy and strong - and hitting a bipolar down is neither of these things - then you will be in a better position to help your cousin. I know you say you want to offer non-judgemental support, but some things need judged - and by not judging you are condoning and enabling. I think your cousin is lucky to have you. It is hard to stand by an addict after the hurt they have caused. You are clearly a generous hearted, empathic and caring person. You have much to offer your family and the world. But first you must, must, must take the necessary steps and find the professional support to get yourself off drugs. Without the cannabis in your system you will be healthier, more alert, your bipolar will be better controlled, you will be a better parent, partner and friend. Your family deserve all of you and you deserve to live a fuller life, not one blighted by addiction. Please put your energy into saving yourself before you try to save your cousin. I wish you the very, very best.

[Suicidal5833]

Adopt mama your post makes a lot of sence. Thank you very much.