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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have ibu to have walked out my job?

93 replies

bouncingbelle · 25/02/2014 00:10

After over a year of bullying by my boss I got up and walked out today. I can't believe I,ve done it and don't know what I should do next??? Should I contact them tomorrow (I don't want to go back) but I do want to discuss with senior boss and hr exactly WHAT pushed me to walk out. I don't do things like this, but after months of feeling sick at the thought if going to work (including tears fir the last few nights) I,m actually feeling great! (The reality of unemployment may kick in tomorriw Sad)

OP posts:
bouquetofpencils · 25/02/2014 23:57

Just wanted to add, NHS isn't free. We pay for it.
Good luck OP.

innisglas · 26/02/2014 00:06

Definitely go after constructive dismissal

poppins30 · 26/02/2014 01:45

"Either you are ill - with depression maybe, or an acute crisis reaction - or you're not. But stress in itself isn't an illness. It may cause or contribute to a physicar mental illness, but it isn't an illness in itself."

Of course stress is a fucking illness!

GPs like you are the reason so many people put off going to the doctor when suffering from work related stress. They feel they'll be told to stop being silly and just get on with it, and I'm betting some of them end up with depression when they just can't cope any more.

tangyyoghurt · 26/02/2014 02:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tangyyoghurt · 26/02/2014 02:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 26/02/2014 02:31

Re ACAS. They are very good and will give you all the help they can straight away on the phone rather than calling you back, making appointments etc. If you ring them in the morning you will be in a far stronger position in terms of legal knowledge than if you dont. At the moment it seems that you have a good case for constructive dismissal, so please do ring them.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/02/2014 02:31

Macdoodle IS a GP BTW

OliviaBenson · 26/02/2014 06:29

Gosh slow, I'm really shocked by your posts. Yes I get that there are those people who just want a sick note, but there are those who suffer that need help.

Last year my dh was signed off with work related stress. He was working hundreds of hours in a stressful role in a nuclear power station (he's an engineer). He was suffering physical symptoms of stress. After that job had finished they sent him to another role in a similar environment with no break inbetween. He was concerned about his and others safety as he just couldn't cope- he was in an environment where a small error could have been deadly. He told work about this who basically said tough. To self certify off sick would have been a disciplinary matter. The only thing that got his work to understand was being signed off by a dr for 2months- luckily the one we saw was sympathetic. It also has sparked off some huge changes at work and his manager was disciplined over it. I dread to think what would have happened if the dr had refused.

Sorry to hijack op. glad things are in place for you now.

AchyFox · 26/02/2014 14:58

Hope things go well on Friday.

Interesting GP perspectives.

AchyFox · 26/02/2014 15:06

When do stressful interpersonal relationships become a medical problem ?

I'm not sure there is an easy answer.

DollyParsnip · 26/02/2014 16:54

I was essentially bullied out of a job. I had ill health problems and was unreliable; I could see both sides (they wanted someone ft 5 days a week, I was lucky if I could manage an hour some weeks).

I ended up leaving, however before I left my boss was seconded and another boss took over. He heard I was leaving, but was appalled at my treatment (the old boss was v popular, a go-to person who seemed amazing but couldn't cope with the additional work so was a bitch.to her team, who had to pick up the
slack). He contacted HR, who were brilliant and she wasn't allowed any HR responsibility again and quietly got moved sideways into a technical role. Too late for me but it does prove that people do listen, and even though I still left I felt much happier in my last few weeks and the relief at being treated as a person was huge.

I wish I'd fought harder but totally sympathise with the need to just leave everything behind.

NearTheWindymill · 26/02/2014 21:21

Really just really ? And that is why the NHS is fucked. How does going to the doctor with suspected work related stress "fuck" the NHS please Maccydoodle?

The NHS is funded by those who pay tax, no? The NHS is there to give advice to those who perceive or believe themselves to be ill, no? If a sick note is submitted the NHS does not fund either SSP or occupational sick pay I don't think. Pray, do please explain why issuing a sick note legitimately or otherwise "fucks" the NHS.

IMO the NHS has been "fucked" as you so elegantly put it by professionals who think they are doing the general public a favour and can't be bothered to ensure proper clincal and nursing standards are being followed. Might I quote East Staffs? Indeed not "fucked" by the people who use it; rather by those who work in it.

If you are a GP can you please explain exactly what you mean by your phraseology.

bouncingbelle · 27/02/2014 23:56

Got a meeting with my senior boss and hr tomorriw to discuss the reasons why I left. Anyone got any helpful hints on how I should handle this???.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 28/02/2014 02:02

bouncingbelle did you speak to ACAS about that? & if not, might you be able to call their helpline earlier in the day so they can advise you regarding the interview? Also, I hope you aren't going alone. If no rep is available then do take a friend with you

I really hope McDoodle isnt a GP/health worker. S/he'd be a serious danger to health

Neverland2013 · 28/02/2014 02:14

I agree with the above - go to see your GP tomorrow...what you have experienced yesterday was very likely a flight response to stress at work. Once you have some rest, you will be able to decide how you would like to deal with this going forward. Either way, the HR team will need to formally investigate your complaint.

Neverland2013 · 28/02/2014 02:18

Have a list of strong examples ready to illustrate why you feel you were being bullied by your boss.

NearTheWindymill · 28/02/2014 08:05

Write down the key points that have upset you and note anything that you think other people might have witnessed. Keep it calm and keep it measured and listen to them too. Consider carefully whether you wish to make a formal complaint and go through the grievance procedure but be mindful that unless you can triangulate what has happened (ie colleagues confirming it) this is likely only to fracture relationships further if you intend to return to work.

You can leave and negotiate a good reference, poss settlement agreement
You can raise a grievance but you need to be very clear of the likelihood of a successful outcome for you
You can ask for a transfer to another part of the company
You can carry on as you are and mediation might be a solution

Smoorikins · 28/02/2014 08:19

Macdoodle, I don't use my gp very often. But I was in a similar situation the the op. I went to my, and was with her for 45 minutes, and struggled to speak without crying. It took me at lest a year and several more doctor visits (over a period of 3 months) to get back to the person I was.

My GP didnt think I was wasting their time, thankfully. Their support allowed me the time I needed to get better which meant I could continue to support my family (I'm a single parent) and get back to work.

Op, I wish you well. There is light and a positive outcome waiting for you. I am in a different job now, working for an organisation that I really believe in and in a much better environment.

You I'd the right thing.

Xenadog · 28/02/2014 08:39

bouncing, if possible, I suggest you take someone in with you to the meeting. There will likely be several people present from your company so it will help even up the balance if you have someone in your corner with you. They would not be permitted to speak but they would certainly be allowed to listen and make notes of everything which is said.

I suggest you have all your grievances written down as well including any dates/times/events that you have previously recorded. Take a bottle of water too (I always suffer from dry mouth syndrome in awkward situations) and be confident that you are doing the right thing.

If you can't take a friend in with (late notice) then request a colleague who is at work at that time. You are entitled to having a friend with you and I promise you it will make you feel better when in the meeting.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Kerosene · 28/02/2014 09:24

If your workplace has an affiliated or recognised union, ask if they can send someone in with you to support you. Even if you're not a member, they may be able to help - I do this for my union, and have been into HR meetings with non-members.

If not, see if you can find someone to take in with you - preferably not your DP, but a friend who you know is calm under pressure. It can be quite difficult to do this alone.

Write everything down. A timeline of incidents, key dates, things you want to refer to. You said you'd previously spoken to HR about your manager - do you have a record of what was said previously? Is there an anti-bullying policy, and can you get hold of a copy?

Write down what happened to make you walk out - you want to have your story straight and clear, and since it can be difficult to express yourself when you're (understandably) upset, writing it down in advance will help you get your point across.

Take a bottle of water and some tissues. Call ACAS this morning, they may be able to offer some useful advice.

The aim is to come across as a professional. You were under considerable stress from bullying and so had a bad turn, resulting in severe anxiety and depression. Your GP has signed you off as a short-term interim measure until a better long-term plan can be put in place. It's professional of you to be seeking a constructive long term solution. What outcome do you want - your job back, a different line manager, mediation, a severance agreement and good reference? Do you want to raise a formal grievance against your manager? Is it likely to be successful? Could your office feel that there is some substance to her complaints about you, and can you counter/address them? I don't know what your senior boss or HR are like - do you know if they're likely to be sympathetic, or stone-faced?

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 28/02/2014 09:32

Op how did it go?

(At risk of getting it deleted, anyone spotted this threads troll? Lol! what a 'nanna!)

KateSpade · 28/02/2014 09:37

op I just wanted to say, I dream of doing what you've done! But with nursery payments & the fact it took me months to get this job I know I shouldn't! Good luck with everything!

redcatblackcat · 28/02/2014 09:39

macdoodle - you're clearly mad.

BookFairy · 28/02/2014 09:41

bouncing I have much sympathy for you. I've just had time off due to work related stress - nights spent panicking, heart racing, tearful etc.

Please take someone with you to the meeting.

Call Acas for advice. I have found them to be excellent.

Lambzig · 28/02/2014 09:59

NeartheWindymill, I am very interested in your replies. You seem to be suggesting that the outcomes are that the OP leaves, moves departments or finds a way to work with the person she says is bullying her.

I am genuinely surprised that allegations like this would not trigger an investigation into an alleged bully. I am sure that if aggressive bullying was uncovered then this would be grounds for dismissal. It seems that the outcomes you suggest leave the bully free to carry on or find another victim if the OP leaves. The solutions seem to be about getting rid of the complainer and only listening to her if she has witnesses.

Please don't think I am making a personal criticism, genuinely interested to know how this works and you sound very experienced in the field.

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