To be utterly shocked that someone in their mid 30's can hold such sexist and homophobic views.

[Needsmorecake]

Just got back from a date which my instincts told me not to go on....

Wish i had listened to myself as ive just had a coffee with the most sexist and homophobic arse i have ever met.

He started a rant about ' poofs' which he didnt stop when i said i had lots of gay friends, nor when i tried to change the subject.

His sexism left me open mouthed.

Im dumbfounded that someone who is 34 can hold such views.

Well in fairness I believe that sensitivities to masculinity threats and overcompensation (including homophobia) were linked to high testosterone by someone at Stanford a few years ago, so that would probably mean stronger erectile response to gay porn, straight porn, table legs etc.

ISTR a few studies at least strongly suggesting that traditional and conservative views go hand in hand with high levels of testosterone, too.

My thoughts on the matter seem about in line with this - if you want a screaming lefty pet, and you will largely be left with limp-wristed squealing nancy hanging off your skirts, or a man who understands when to smile and nod - whereas if you want manly men there will be a very high number of those who aren't all that keen on "pooves" or are at least a bit Sean Connery about gender politics.

I'm not saying it's right, just something I've noticed.

i agree its being a dick of the highest order.

^that was in response to NigellasDealer's post about the willy wonkas.

'"of the male species "

No such thing, dear. Male OF the species. HTH.'

O RLY?

Jesus, ahla, all I can say in response to your last post is that your experience bears no resemblance to the reality that I've been inhabiting for the last 40 years, in several countries on three continents.

stronger erectile response to gay porn, straight porn, table legs interesting ahla thanks!

Needsmore I would never be so sexist as to suggest "dick of the highest order" = Man. Or would I.

Oh gosh flomp, how kind of you to explain. And reduce all men to your idiotic, reductionist stereotype. You really are quite the brainbox, aren't you?

Reductionist is the password. You get to be right now - through you go.

My 12 year old son doesn't like homophobia. He was talking to me about it yesterday funnily enough. I told him to think of it as a useful filter - if an adult is homophobic - they're one to cross off the friends list & probably not worth bothering about. (we decided teenage apparent homophobes can be given the benefit of the doubt as they're probably just busy trying to fit in).

I agree with you that such opinions are repellent however, sadly, they aren't as uncommon as you might like to think

I've been on dates (in the dim and distant past) with men who I discovered had homophobic views.

Homophobia tends to go hand in hand with a raft of other unpleasant prejudices ime.

On the plus side you found out what he's like straight away so think of the time and effort you've saved.

And as for it being related to age. 20 years ago I took my then elderly grandmother into a gay pub by mistake. Once we both realised she loudly explained how it didn't matter a jot to her and everyone was free to live their life exactly how they wanted. Okay she was a bit loud in expressing her liberal views but she meant it. And she was from the sticks.

There's no excuse for homophobia.

I found that if you want a straight man who thinks about what is right, not what is fashionable, who is capable and willing to be civil to others, able to hold his own in a debate and comfortable with his own sexuality, they're not homophobic, and they don't obsess over other people's bedrooms.

I wouldn't be shocked - lots of people have views I find unpalatable and strongly disagree with (not friends I might add) and age makes no difference to that. However, I would have politely said 'our views are too different' and left early.

My thoughts on the matter seem about in line with this - if you want a screaming lefty pet, and you will largely be left with limp-wristed squealing nancy hanging off your skirts, or a man who understands when to smile and nod - whereas if you want manly men there will be a very high number of those who aren't all that keen on "pooves" or are at least a bit Sean Connery about gender politics.

Now then, that did amuse me. What a load of bollocks

Anotherone bites the dust!

ahlah, what a load of shite.

My dp is of the strong, rugged variety. He has no hang ups about gay people and isn't a 'limp-wristed squealing nancy', not that it'd be a problem whatever. You obviously have a very poor and limited experience.

YABU to expect homophobia and misogyny to have anything to do with age, education, social class, geographical location etc.

I have met plenty of self-regarding educated "liberal" middle class metropolitan men who hold views like this which only emerge after some time of knowing them.

If you think that people of your age don't hold views like this anymore, then you must also think that misogyny-fuelled DV doesn't exist anymore in your generation. How very naive of you.

Another one who is surprised you were surprised. MN isn't at all representative of the majority of the people I know, although most of them aren't so rude as to randomly air their views on sexuality. I'm East Anglia/Home Countie

"most of them aren't so rude as to randomly air their views on sexuality"

Yeah, I think that without being in cloud cuckoo land and believing traditional or conservatives are a thing of the past, I think shooting mouth off like that at a date is probably a warning of stupid/rude more than anything else.

I remain surprised, actually, even when I encounter homophobia.

I can understand, while I can't condone, such ignorant prejudice from people from cultures where being gay is illegal, and who have absorbed those attitudes for lack of contact with any others, but it seems pretty strange to me that a youngish person who grew up in the UK and is not from any fundamentally religious background gets that exercised about other people being gay.

Looking at it purely from a narrowly self-interested POV, the existence of gay people can have no negative impact on their life, surely? I mean, benefits-bashers and people who are rabidly anti-immigration are so from self-interest - those damn foreigners are taking our jobs/those damn scroungers are buying flatscreen tvs with my taxes etc etc. But what possible damage are gay people doing to homophobes?

And I'm always baffled when someone claims not to know one single gay person.

I genuinely only know one gay person so it's not unusual.

I'm just surprised people are surprised when other people have a completely different view of the world than them.

There are some very strange people out there ....I however am not one of them

But surely homophobia isn't just a 'different view of the world', which is far too benign a term for an entrenched fear/dislike/tendency to discriminate against or actively persecute a set of people?

I'm not surprised when someone votes Tory, likes skiing, thinks The Da Vinci Code is a brilliant novel, or is really happy in 35 degree heat and above, but none of these things is equivalent to homophobia... (Well, Section 28 aside, obviously.)

I never understand what age has to do with views.