AIBU to be annoyed at neighbours' noise?

[CrohnicallyFarting]

We live in a terrace. On one side is a single guy, we very rarely hear anything from his side.

On the other side we have fairly new neighbours, a slightly older couple, but I think they have small children staying occasionally (maybe grandchildren or nieces/nephews). On that side, their stairs back onto ours.

This morning our toddler was awoken (not that early, about 15 minutes ago, but still too early as she normally sleeps in till 8 or 9) by what sounded like someone running up and down the stairs repeatedly. I should point out that DD's room is not against the adjoining wall. Prior to the stairs I heard something that sounded like DD shouting, but when I checked the monitor it wasn't her. So it must have been noise from next door (but loud enough to make me think it was coming from our house).

It's not the first time she's been woken by noises from over there, last time it happened she was napping and it was the middle of the day. Bear in mind we make all sorts of noise while she's asleep, we don't tiptoe around, but this was a door slamming or similar so very sudden and made us jump too.

I know it's not their fault the soundproofing isn't great. But the previous neighbours had absolutely no idea when our toddler was born (they knew I was pregnant so would have been expecting it) as they couldn't hear her through the walls.

I don't expect them to be especially quiet all day just in case she's napping. But should I speak to them and make them aware just how much noise carries in the properties? And how certain noises carry more than others? (Perhaps I could go and apologise in case DD has been disturbing them, she's teething and well, you know how noise carries in these terraces, hint hint)

Hoovering at 7am in a terraced house is antisocial
what if your husband did a bit of hoovering when he got in at midnight? Yes, that would be antisocial too. Which is why he doesn't do it.

If you share a party wall in a terrace or semi, then hearing your ndn is normal, imho. What you describe sounds like normal life getting ready in the morning.
You are not complaining about a dog barking all day, loud rock music thumping at 2am, drunken parties into the small hours, screaming foul language etc etc which would give you cause to complain.

Also, don't forget if you can hear them in the morning, then they can deff. hear your dh when he gets in at night, probably more so as sound travels further when it's quiet.

Before I left home mum lived in a flat and we could hear absolutely everything from upstairs. And I mean everything.....when "her upstairs" had her boyfriend stay over I had to sleep on the sofa as my bed was directly under hers....

Perhaps if you asked your neighbours nicely they'd take their shoes off when using the stairs?

It's part and parcel of terraced living, I'm afraid. We've just moved from an end to a mid-terrace and are noticing a bit more noise, but it's nothing unreasonable so we just need to get used to it.

TV loud enough to hear every word / thumping music / incessant dog barking / loud noise that continues past 11.00pm on a regular basis or Sun-Thur / screaming arguments / DIY hammering, drilling, sanding etc before 7am or after 9pm = unreasonable. Pretty much anything else = inevitable part of living cheek by jowel.

We must be incredibly lucky with the houses we've lived in. We're currently in a 1960s terrace with a young family on one side and a hard-of-hearing elderly woman who like to watch TV loudly late into the night. I've never heard a sound from either side.

Previously lived in a dilapidated Victorian terrace and never heard a peep from the students next door (except when they were out in the garden playing drunk football until all hours).

The only house where we've had a problem was a 2000-ish modern terrace where we'd hear the neighbours walking up and down stairs, but even there airborne noise (talking, TV etc) wasn't an issue.

I think yabu. Just because your dh works unsocial hours it doesn't mean everyone else should tip toe around. Both me and dh are shift workers and have been for years. At times you can't sleep during the day because of kids playing or road works etc. Its part of working shifts. And I am sure your toddler will soon become a lot noisier.

YABU, but it's understandable that it bothers you so like some said you need to think about soundproofing that wall. I don't know how much you can do, but get some advice on that. It's not just the noise that comes through, but how it echos on your side so the more soft furnishings you have absorbing it the better it will seem.

How new are neighbours? If very new could it be worse because they don't have carpet on stairs etc?

Sorry, it's normal noise, not loud music or screaming rows.

That's life. You need to live with it. Wait till your kids start running up and down the stairs at 7AM. If your neighbours are normal, they won't complain even though they'll hear them.

OK guys, I think I get it, Iabu! Though for those of you saying about going upstairs being normal noise, I repeat this is not just going upstairs. This is M and S going upstairs (sorry couldn't resist). We hear them go upstairs regularly, this is not the noise I am complaining about. So in answer to "what do I expect them to do, not go upstairs?" No, I would like them to take shoes off and walk (not run) up and down which would be quieter.

Oh, and we are trying to move at least to an end terrace or semi, but unfortunately can't find a buyer for our house and until we do we are stuck.

ComposHat- I don't think they hear DH come in as he makes a real effort to come in quietly. If I am up with toddler, I barely hear him, sometimes I'm unaware that he's come home and he's in the same house as me! The previous neighbours were unaware that he worked these shifts so obviously weren't disturbed by him.

Casper- our house must be like yours then, our house is post 2000, as I said airborne noise isn't too bad, we can hear them argue but not normal talking or TV, it's stairs and doors which we hear worst.

I think I'm probably over sensitive to noise now as the neighbours before them were quite inconsiderate- they were the drunken parties until 3 am, dogs barking, constant arguing type, and we were very glad when they left!

southeast do you know what soundproofing options there are that would cut down on this type of noise?

backonlybriefly their stairs back onto ours, so can't put soft furnishings there. I hadn't thought about the possibility that they may not have carpet. As far as I know, the house was let with carpets etc in place, but the old neighbours were really bad and the house had to be more or less gutted and redecorated after they moved out, so the landlords might have let it without this time.

I think they would not be unreasonable to can-can up the stairs at 7am if they choose.

I think you need to save up and put sound proofing in.

yabu. From what you're saying it certainly doesn't seem excessive, i wouldn't worry about it.

Soundproofing can be expensive, can reduce room size and can be less effective if only done on some walls/floors but worth looking into.

In the meantime I'd highly recommend using white noise for nap/sleep times (free to download on phones/iPad/iPod). We had similar sorts of noise that used to wake up dd but it's helped to mask sudden banging noises.

As soon as I read your post this morning, I remembered an article I read last year that might be helpful:

www.homesandproperty.co.uk/property-news/news/how-cope-noisy-neighbours-soundproof-your-home

OP you're probably looking at resilient bars fastened to battens with neoprene lining against the wall itself, then double plasterboard layer infilled/packed with rockwool. Be aware you could lose up to about 10cm from the width of the staircase. Also be aware that it is unlikely to completely muffle all noise but it should improve general noise levels - it won't remove the noise of things being dropped, or heavy stamping feet, altogether. The problem when you are noise-sensitive is that you tend to subconsciously listen out for noise so you will be more aware of noises that would pass another person by.

Thank you southeast unfortunately we can't afford the things mentioned in the article, both in terms of money and lost space. However it's interesting that it says post-2003 houses are better soundproofed- our house (post-2003) is much worse for noise coming through than my SIL's pre-2003 house. I wonder if the builders actually stuck strictly to the regulations or if they may have cut corners in places (not as absurd as it sounds given the number of repairs that have already needed to be done)? I wonder how you could tell?

I think you should just talk to them OP. Most people are reasonable and would not be happy to be causing annoyance to a neighbour. I live in a converted warehouse flat with very high ceilings which carries noise and our shared wall is along both entrance hallways. I've always been really careful not to let the front door slam as it echoes through the entire building but in the last 6 months we've had new neighbours who seemed oblivious to this and let their door slam shut every time they used it. Eventually it slammed so hard that our hallway mirror fell off! I went round and asked them if they knew they were slamming the door so hard and they honestly had no idea that it could be heard in our flat (and the rest of the building!), or that there was another way to close a door. They were so apologetic and since then we all get on really well. I wish I'd gone round sooner, I was really winding myself up about it and it would've saved me a very expensive mirror!