To stop the overnight stays?

[Joolsy]

My DD's go to stay with my dad & his partner a few times a year for 1 night (used to be 3 nts, then 2, now 1 as DD1 refuses to stay any longer!). They came back today & DD1 is now saying she never wants to go there again - apparently they were v. strict with her, misheard things she said & accused her of saying something else, etc. She was crying as they drove off in the car yesterday so it wasn't a great start & she emailed me about 6 times saying "Mum, come & get me" "Mum I'm crying, come NOW!" etc etc. I think she not only missed me but her technology too My OH says she needs to do as she's told & if we say she's going, she's going & I think they should go & stay there while they can as my dad & his partner are getting older & might not be in a position to have them over in the next few years, plus she does sometimes blow things out of proportion, however, I don't want to make her go against her will. OH & I went away last night which is why the girls went away & I like to keep them together for overnight stays as DD2 is only 4. Any advice? Thanks

I don't think you should be sending your DCs to stay somewhere they don't feel comfortable, regardless of the situation with your DF's age. It's clearly damaging the relationship between them, I'd find a different way of spending time together where you can help to iron out some of the tension, particularly if your DD claims that they accuse her of saying things that she hasn't said. YANBU, stop the overnight stays and work on improving the relationship between them.

Sadly I think that the time when your DF is beyond looking after them has come. Your DDs are not going to have happy memories of your their grandfather if this continues. Agree with pp that you need to find some other ways for them to spend time together happily. Sorry, this can't be easy.

I do not think there is any need for the them to stay over with gp at all. at first i thought you were talking about their actual father.

no way would i be sending them if they were vocalising this degree of upset.

is your OH the childrens father? it sounds like he doesnt care about them just wants a break himself.

How old is your dad?

Yes OH is the children's father. I think he just sees them as he's always seen them, ie. nice people! And he knows that DD1 does tend to over-dramatise things - she's a very stubborn girl at times! DD2 however was fine.

My dad is 75 - fit & active for his age

Wow, that's older than I expected. I think maybe it's time for you to listen to your dd and stop the overnights.

75 and not up to looking after small children overnight any more, however fit he is.Your DD must feel like you're punishing her.

Why would you send her somewhere that upsets her-her happiness comes before your df's?

I was ready to say yabu, because I thought you meant your dds dad.

But your dad? Stop the overnights. 75 may seem sprightly and young, but its clearly not working anymore.

It may be more successful if your DF comes and stays in your house with them?

I would however be concerned if my dc were that upset about going and asking to come back.

why not go with them for overnight visits?

Forgot to say that DD1 is 10 so not a small child, but yes I hear what you're all saying so I think I'll not arrange any more sleepovers unless she really wants to, which probably won't happen!

Does your DF live a long way away? Is it easy for your DDs to see him without an overnight stay?

He lives an hours drive away, so yes, we could all go together to see him & his partner. Just that she used to enjoy going when she was small, but not so keen now.......