To want to visit my parents at the weekend.....

[Sparrowlegs248]

Without my sister and her kids being there?

I work full time, and long hours. So no time to visit during the week. I regularly see mum for lunch during the week, and sister. I also love her children to bits and like to see them.

But, she nor my mum work and don't seem to 'get' time constraints. I rarely see my dad, he works also. So i want to visit to see him and mum, without it being all about the children.

It soundschildish and selfish written down. Mum invited me and DH to a family meal saturday early p.m. - at a child friendly chain pub with play area. I didn't go as had a headache and couldn't face the 'excitement' of it all, and the children being given free rein. Was going to visit today but sister and kids there all day.

Its impossible to have a conversation when they are there, kids are centre stage and all adults are totally focussed on them.

Its every weekend.

I think that perhaps you have to accept your parents have a caring responsibilty towards their DGC, you might not think they should, but the fact is they do. It is as unreasonable for you to expect them to see you without their DGC on a weekend as it would be for someone to expect to see me without my DCs on a weekend. Once you've accepted this, your life might be a little easier.

However if you'd really like some time alone with your parents, I suggest you speak to your DSis, perhaps say you'd like to take your parents to a non-childfriendly restaurant, but you know that while they'd like to go, they'll say no because they don't want to let her down, and could she tell them a little white lie that she has plans with a friend who has DCs a similar age on one Sunday coming up so you can take your parents out without them feeling they've let her down?

I don't expect 50% of their time! Far from it. A couple of hours a month would be an improvement.

I am seeing mum and sister alone for a day out this week, its Dad time that i really miss.

Is visiting weekend evenings a problem for you?

Can't you grab a sandwich on the way home from work one weekday evening and then head straight to your parents' place?

I understand exactly where you are coming from Op....I'd let them know that you miss your time together. Try and arrange some time with just him maybe and let him know how you are feeling.

Maybe once in a while your dp would like a child free weekend also....just don't want to say....

I meant your parents

Could you and your Dad go to the theatre, concert.. something particular to him.... with a meal thrown in for a good chat?

OP, I totally understand your problem. My brother, his wife and three DC have always gone to my parent's house on Sundays. My mum gets in a whole flap trying to look after everyone and it just feels hectic. Even before I had my DS, now 2yo, I stopped going but I told them it was because the gathering was too hectic for me. They understood and no one was offended because unlike you, I could go on Saturdays and evenings.

Why don't you treat yourself to an annual leave day when you are certain your sister and her kids won't be there and just have a nice quiet day at your parents. You could even drive up the night before for a nice evening and stay over.

It's easy to think your sister might understand if she was thinking rationally, that you want your parents to yourself some Sunday, but if she is stressed she might take it really personally so I guess you need to tread carefully there.

Book a cottage for a weekend and take your parents away.

So , OP, why can't you drop in later in the evening when DSis and DC have gone home?
Or invite your dad out to something?
Or invite both parents out to theatre or some other adult event? Could you do it for your Dad or Moms birthday and suggest them to do it more regularly?

I do sympathise. My MIL has 14 grandchildren. There are children around every day. Only time to get her on her own is late evening.

Also, I presume the DC are pretty young? Once they get a bit older they will do their own thing more.

Or how about early morning over the weekend. Drop by with breakfast treats before your sister gets there.

Could you take your dad out somewhere on his own? Or does your mum need your dad to be there too to help with the kids?

YANBU.