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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to go next door and have a go at the smug idiot...

48 replies

Babysnuffles · 23/02/2014 17:48

DP and I had a baby girl in October, as did the couple next door. We don't know them very well (I used to think that was a shame) but always make polite small talk.

This afternoon, however, we get back from shopping and the man pops his head over the garden fence to say hello. He then said 'how is your daughter sleeping?'. We replied with something a bit vague because you never know what hell some parents are going through. He pipes up 'our daughter sleeps perfectly. 12 hours every night. We've got the routine sussed and it's been like that for over a month now'.

I was so shocked by his smugness and parental 'point scoring' I stomped off and am now fuming wishing I'd come out with a cutting response. Should this happen in the future, I would be very grateful for some witty one-liners to shut his smug face up (politely, of course). He probably bores the baby to sleep.

And yes, my DP said he's not worth the rage but still!!

OP posts:

Gwlondon · 23/02/2014 18:33

I know this is an odd thing to say but he might not wake up when his child wakes. His wife might do it all. My DH never used to wake but used to feel that he could tell other people how much DS was waking when he had no idea. I used to be so shocked when my DH would say things because he was wrong!!!

FoxesRevenge · 23/02/2014 18:37

I'd have said 'that's great'.

I don't think it's anything to get in a rage about, he just seems pleased that it's all going well for them. Why shouldn't he be proud of his situation. Can we not share our joy now for fear of upsetting others?

winkywinkola · 23/02/2014 18:38

Let him have his moment. It's not a big deal nor is it a competition. Just say, "That's great news!"

OpalQuartz · 23/02/2014 18:40

Could you make up something impressive but believable that you can outdo him with over the garden fence?

Nanny0gg · 23/02/2014 18:40

Not if it's the only thing he's ever said to the OP!

That makes it smug!

BearsInMotion · 23/02/2014 18:42

What Gwlondon said. DP used to tell people DD was a great sleeper when she was actually waking several times a night . I thought it was some weird kind of showing off until I challenged him - he honestly thought she slept through, had no idea I was awake feeding her three times a night

SeaSickSal · 23/02/2014 18:44

Total over reaction. He was just making conversation.

FoxesRevenge · 23/02/2014 18:46

When he starts going on about how she's top of her class, blah blah blah, that's when it gets smug.

Perhaps it was an ice breaker. As the OP said they only ever make small talk, perhaps now they have kids it's his way of finding common ground.

FranSanDisco · 23/02/2014 18:47

Some people are completely missing the point that this guy hasn't actually spoken in sentences to OP until now. That is boasty smugness and quite strange behaviour in my book - that's the book I am writing on boasty smugness .

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 23/02/2014 18:47

Say to him 'How lovely, I'm sure when the four month sleep regression hits it'll all go to pot. And don't forget teething'!

Give a big smile and walk off.

BigBoobiedBertha · 23/02/2014 18:48

No YANBU. He has nothing to be proud about. It isn't anything he has done or not done to make the baby sleep (unless drugs are involved). It is down to the luck of the draw really.

Do you live in terrace or semi? Could he be hearing your DD and thought he would have a little gloat? I do find it odd that somebody who wouldn't normally speak to you much would mention such a thing but he obviously has little else going on.

You should probably ignore it but in your sleep deprived haze I am sure that is not so easy.

If you really want a one liner, something along the lines of your DD being too bright and inquisitive to spend much time sleeping should shut him up.

everlong · 23/02/2014 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzardBird · 23/02/2014 18:51

I think "Oh dear, never mind" covers it.

BigBoobiedBertha · 23/02/2014 18:54

"our daughter sleeps perfectly. 12 hours every night. We've got the routine sussed and it's been like that for over a month now"

Those aren't the words of somebody making conversation and trying to be friendly.

bella411 · 23/02/2014 19:12

I Dont think hes purposely being smug. I think with pfb topics of conversation over babies with others around the same age is how are they feeding, sleeping developing And if you've finally cracked the sleeping through you are going to tell the world.

We are lucky to have a good sleep er who slept through from 14 weeks and very rarely has a bad night unless ill, teething but has to be very ill or very much in pain. Yes, we had a routine from 2 weeks and yes it is pot luck but I'd put it more down to routine that she settles so well. Same with my friend with a 3 yo n a 4mo both have slept through from early on. So I'm siding with routine helps most babies

YouMaySayImADreamer · 23/02/2014 20:02

bella441 saying that your baby settles well due to a good routine and that a routine is key for most babies, implies that most babies who sleep poorly don't have a good routine, and this is what annoys people who have tried everything and have a bad sleeper!

If you have a colicky, fussy, sensitive baby as lots of people do, and throw in one that is feeding on demand; that doesn't always lend itself well to consistent routine. Despite my best efforts when my ds was so young, he was so unpredictable I couldn't stick to a consistent bedtime routine. More settled and content babies more than likely respond well to a routine, because they are more adaptable and settled in the first place. Its a bit chicken and egg I think.

Droflove · 23/02/2014 20:05

It's probably the most exciting thing going on for him right now and said it without really thinking. Don't take it so personally.

Paloma12 · 23/02/2014 20:08

I wouldn't ever actively raise it, so he does sounds a bit smug. BUT on the other hand, both of my children have slept 7-7 from about 7 weeks, barring illness. When people asked in the baby days, I almost felt I had to lie. What the hell are you meant to say reactively, without sounding smug?

JadedAngel · 23/02/2014 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes · 23/02/2014 20:18

Try not to dwell on his comment. It was very thoughtless but I doubt there was any malicious intent. 'Wow, you're so lucky!' Should cover it. Because it is just that- luck. I do find it odd when people brag on fb about their amazing 6 week old sleeping through. Er....nothing to brag about. I manage to look after 2 kids and work 3 long days a week, having not had a proper night's sleep in a couple of years. That is worth bragging about. Us hardcore sleep deprived parents are fucking awesome.

hmc · 23/02/2014 20:20

Exactly JadedAngel

millimurphy · 23/02/2014 20:20

Don't worry - everyone is different. I am over the moon because my 2 month old goes 6 hours at night - this is sheer GOOD FUCKING LUCK! Unfortunately the toddler wakes more and has regressed to sleeping in our bed! There are just no rigid rules as to how/why/when/if a baby reacts and how he/she fits in with your routine. He might be lucky now - who knows what will happen when his baby is older. He is a twat for being so smug - most people would count their blessings.

Enjoy your little girl - the chap next door aint worth a spit.

Original poster

Babysnuffles · 23/02/2014 20:32

Thanks everyone. I'm a little mystified why certain people think that my reaction to his smugness means I'm not happy for a couple with a baby who sleeps. My point was simply that he went straight from saying hello into that conversation and previous chit-chat has been brief to say the least.

My DP moved in a while ago (it's close to his work) whilst DD and I stayed at old house due to medical reasons (to be near hospital). So we're only really moving in as a family now and prior to this DP wasn't around as spare time was spent with DD and me. Hence why we don't know them very well. Hopefully it was just him making conversation and me being stupidly over-sensitive because I can't stand boasting!!

OP posts:

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