... to be creeped out by this FB status?

[NabokovsNemesis]

NC because this may potentially be identifiable IRL.

Friend and mother of a baby girl has posted the following status update on her FB:

FATHERS: Be your daughter's 1st love. Open doors for her, pull her seat out, & talk to/treat her with the utmost respect... Set expectations on how a man should treat a Lady, and she'll never settle for anything less.

I feel really uncomfortable about this. To my ear this sounds like a really unhealthy, possibly somewhat incest-y father/daughter relationship. Freud would have had a field day with this one!

Now, I don't think for even a second that this is what my friend actually means by this. If anything, she arguably thinks of it as a somewhat feminist, raise your daughter's self-worth kind of thing. It's just unluckily chosen/not thought through AFAIK.

Am I being oversensitive here? WIBU to tell her that it smacks of something really creepy and to advise her to remove/rephrase?

Maybe your dad was trying his best in the way that he knew how. He tried to teach you manners (from your last post) and from what I can see tried to get you to learn another language. Perhaps the problem is not his "chip" but yours

Ahem.
Wrong thread.

hahah I did that the other day coffee

I did mention the wine....

It's sickly and sexist, that's about all there is to say. I don't much care for it.

Corus and silly I may have phrased that wrongly. What I actually wrote was 'incest-y' - kind of like 'rapey' (which isn't really actual rape in most cases). That having been said: it adds an icky romantic veneer to the relationship is a much better way of describing what I was intending to express.

Then again: any sort of father-daughter romance is kind of incest-y ...

Tally, not bloody likely! My dad is the male version of Hyacinth Bucket - weird obsession with our last name and hiding away of embarrassingly common relatives included. I do love him to bits, but he's certifiable!

If you'd posted in the FWR section, I don't think you'd have got the rather brainless focusing on literal incest, as opposed to what you wrote - incest-y.

Because there would be a willingness to engage with the ideas that people are grappling with, rather than literalism followed by a kneejerk shutting down response.

basil could you expand a bit more please. I under your first sentence but am grappling with the second

Sexist, yes, irritating in style yes. But not creepy in the way you are thinking, even as metaphorical incest. The 'first love' bit is badly put but the core idea about demonstrating thoughtfulness and respect for a daughter so she has high standards when choosing a partner is a reasonable one.

Askbasil - the responses may well have been different on the FWR boards but that doesn't mean they would be more 'right' than what's here. I am a feminist and while I don't like the sexism, otherwise I think this is an overreaction. The place where this kind of thing is done much more ickily is in father-daughter Valentine cards or even mother-son ones. Nothing about respect there, just pseudo romantic stuff.

Tallypet I think there was a rather literal reading of the OP.

It was clear that she was pinging around her ideas about her response to this FB post in her head and trying to formulate her discomfort. She used a word which sort of gets to it but isn't meant to be taken literally and on that basis a whole load of people who really aren't that interested, came on to the thread to imply that she's weird or screwed up or overthinking it for having that response in effect advocating that it shouldn't be discussed because it's not worth discussing.

In the FWR section I don't think that would have happened, i think people would have understood why the OP wants to discuss this and wouldn't have given the impression that it's not valid to discuss it. Often there's an acceptance that although the premise might not be exactly right, the discussion is worth having to see what comes out of it. I think that's some of the value of that section - people's responses don't just get dismissed out of hand because they haven't presented a cast-iron thesis about it.

I've never seen father daughter valentines.

Are they an actual thing now?

Hmm.

Suspect a lot of that is due to marketing. If you can get people to buy six or seven valentines cards instead of just one, that's more profit isn't it?

In thirty years time it'll be standard practice to send valentines to line mangers, teachers, clients, suppliers etc.

managers not mangers.

Although if Hallmark could get you to buy cards to send to a manger, it would do that too.

You're being typical incest-paranoid person! I agree that how a father treats a daughter will teach her how to expect other male figures to treat her, including future partners. Thus it's crucial it's a respectful and caring relationship! Nothing dodgy about that statement at all!

Yabvu nothing wrong with it. For dd her dad was her first love, as soon as she was placed in his arms when she was born she looked into his eyes and stopped crying. Dd6 is still a daddy's girl, I know it not like that fir every child, but for some it is.