AIBU to be feeling fear (work/health)

[Worryingwombat]

Morning all tried to NC but failed! So here I go

I have been off work for almost 4 months due to increase in epilepsy seizures I have had to fight for my work position as at a meeting 2 weeks ago they were going to terminate my contract due to ill health

I have made vast improvements in my health thanks mainly to a new medical team who have spent the past 13 weeks adjusting my medication

My work have agreed for me to return but I have to maintain attendance (of course!)

I am so greatful for the second chance but today I have started to feel really panicked about returning what if I have a seizure at work and that's it job gone! I feel really stressed and have just been sat here feeling dizzy sick and having slight chest pain!!!! I swear I am just freaking myself out

Anyone have any advice have you been in this kind of situation I guess I am just looking for some lovely mumsnet people to calm me down as I dare not tell my husband

AIBU to feel like this is this normal

Thank you for reading I hoped writing this down would help me calm down

Blimey. It's no wonder you feel so anxious. I totally understand why you are so worried as you feel that so much hinges on staying seizure free.

Have an unmumsnetty hand hold.

Isnt it against the disability act to fire you for having a seizure ?

Wombat, you've dealt with that meeting, you can deal with work. Once you start and get back into the routine and it will help you to feel better. Have faith that your medication has sorted all this out. You can do it, girl!

Apparently not if it is proven that I can no longer perform my role

I get the impression that all eyes will be on me and the first time I fuck up and seize then HR will properly be there quicker than medical help!!

I just feel sick

Thank you for the hand hold :)

Thanks for the supportive messages :)

I know I need to belt up I have just never had such a physical reaction to worry

I felt quite scared with my heart racing

Feel a bit of a sad lump now!! Going to go out with the kids to take my mind off things

I would seek advice about what your employer has told you as it all sounds very discriminatory to me! Maybe spk to citizens advice or a trade union (if you belong to one). I am also shocked that they are putting you under such pressure!

The DDa isn't much use tbh.

It sounds as though you rightly are experiencing anxiety over the situation. That anxiety is being experienced very strongly and pushing over into panic and panic attacks.
You've been through a lot. See your GP for referral to CBT therapy. See HR in work to get an O H visit for recommendations about your return, to ensure that it is worked best for your employer and you.
You can push back to get some space.

I hope it works out and if they really cannot wait until you are well then fuck them. There will be other jobs.

Is there a point at which they'll go "ok, were satisfied now that you can do your job, capability proceedings are off the table (unless they have to restart if you seriously relapse in future)?
If not, can you get one?

How sympathetic are they? Occupational Health should be involved so as to help you keep attendance up.

I know that advice not to worry and to be positive is the easiest to give and the hardest to take. But try not to catastrophise, and take comfort from your increasing confidence as you go back to work and your days go well.

We'll at the risk of outing myself I work as a nurse for the NHS

I have been under occi health for reviews for the past 4 years since I was first diagnosed they have not seen me since July of last year thought at the meeting they have now arranged an appointment for me to see occi health again in March

I don't think there will ever be a point that they say ok you will not be under review

I have had so much go on in the past 4 years

Had 2nd child and I was diagnosed with epilepsy 6 weeks after the birth
Spent maternity leve in and out of hospital

Returned to work and told it was unsuitable for me to work in my old role moved and put on redeployment

Had 3 rd child (not planned adored) born prem with health issues currently has development delays and has been diagnosed as epileptic himself :(

I am ashamed to admit I attempted to take my own life

DS became very ill and was in high dependency we almost lost him

Then epilepsy became worse

And here I am worried to the point of making myself Ill

Are you getting any kind of counselling? It all sounds very stressful, which won't help any recovery or return to work.

Are you in a union?

I just knew it would be the NHS!! Welcome to the bloody club!
I've been taken off my clinical role for a year, despite Occ Health saying I'm fit to work.

Most importantly, are you in a union? I switched from the RCN to Unison when this all kicked off as they're no push-over.

Don't think about having a seizure as "fucking up". It's really not.

The best that you can try to do is stay healthy. Take your medication at the exact same times every day, never skip meals, drink lots of water, try to get enough sleep and avoid stress!! When you feel yourself getting panicky try to focus on planning healthy meals, an early night or exercise. Focus on a healthy regime and make that your mantra.

As for your employers they are acting very poorly, once you get a steady attendance record could you consider trying to get a new job?

I also second counselling, For the trauma, also can you reach out to anyone else in RL who is quietly managing epilepsy? there are lots of people out there and it rarely comes up in conversation.

You have been through the mill, be kind on yourself. Best wishes x

Definitely you need to involve your trade union in this. I am amazed whenever I hear of people who work in public services who aren't members.

Anyway, under the terms of the Equality Act 2010 your employer has to make reasonable adjustments to accommodate your epilepsy which is considered a disability.

This could include changing your shifts, so if you are more prone to seizures in late afternoon for example, you could have exclusively early shifts. You could also ask for annualised hours, so that if you have to take a couple of days off, you just make these up later in the year, rather than it triggering the sickness procedure. They should also be able to offer you part time working.

There are lots of things that can be done to help you OP but you need to reach out for the help that is available.

OP have a look at epilepsy.org guidance

Use your union rep and your occ health advisor.

Don't let your employer muddy the issues of your attendance record, your safety (risk of having a seizure at work) and your actual skills and ability to do your job. Be calm and address each separately with an action plan.

Offer a report from your treating consultant on your management and prognosis for stable control going forward, if you think it would be helpful.

The equality act requires employers to make reasonable adjustments to help you stay in work and not discriminate on the grounds of your condition (disability).

Might there also be trust policies for parental support of children with additional needs (thinking of your DC3)? HR or your TU rep should know.

Good luck with your return.

Are you likely to have a seizure at work?

What will happen if you do?

Second what others have said about unions. Perhaps a union could help you plan for what happens if you do.

I have social and health anxiety, and once lost a stone in the first months of a very stressful job from not wanting to eat because I felt so sick all the time, having to go to 'the loo' (run outside) when having panic attacks etc.

So I know that feeling of dread about going in!

Just keep reminding yourself how well you've been, how much better and how little chance there is of you having a seizure at work.

I won't add to what others have said with regard to your work situation, but to help you feel less nervous at the time, don't drink anything with caffeine before you go in (your heart is already working overtime and it can bring on anxiety), relax with no screens etc for half an hour before bed so you wind down properly and get good sleep and if you feel chest pain don't panic, just take slow breaths, close your eyes and think of things and places that cheer you up. If you drive to work singing loudly in the car will help as it regulates your breathing (seriously!) :p

Hope it goes well, I'm sure it will