To be in a mood

[ChoccyDigestive82]

I only really see my girlfriend of 10 months on the weekend (her choice, I would see her more). She doesn't enjoy drinking alcohol much whereas I love a Friday night drink after a gruelling week in work.

We arranged for her to come over to mine and have some snacks and watch a film (she'll stay the night tonight and Saturday night), she even bought the snacks and stuff for me to prepare a meal tomorrow for her.

Only, my friends have asked me out for the football this evening, haven't seen them in a long time and she's not met them properly.

I asked if she would like to come for an hour and she point blank said no and that she wasn't in the mood but I should go. She wasn't in a mood or anything, she encourages me to spend time with friends all the time. I just hate that she never wants to come out with me for drinks and meet friends. We always do her kinds of stuff...cinema, walks, (her) family meals, babysitting (her nephews). I suppose she doesn't see it as a problem because I've never said it is a problem. My last relationship was the same, only she wouldn't LET me out.

AIBU to be moody? If you were in a relationship with a man/woman who liked a drink but you didn't, would this bother you, do you mind them having a little drink?

This has made me feel like a spoilt child and a bit angry and resentful.

Ah well, best stay sober for our walk to the sea front and ice cream tomorrow..

Also, she hasn't made any effort to meet my family, actually avoids them as is too "shy", whereas I've met all of hers a LOT

And if I do decide to see friends it means I don't get to see her in the evening because she wont come at all until the day after (lives 30 mins away by car) so it's either all or nothing

Tbh 10months in id want more of a commitment from a person than the odd weekends for a bunk up and some snacks.

Talk to her. Ask her where she sees the relationship going.

YANBU to be moody btw. She doesn't sound very sociable

Do you actually have anything in common?

We do have commitment, we go on regular trips, planning to move in together after the summer, both have financial responsibilities before this can happen.

We do actually have lots in common, I'm just being moody. I love her to bits and enjoy our time together. I just wish she would do more stuff with my friends and I rather than it just be us 2 all the time.

You don't sound compatible.

Well, don't be moody about it! Tell her it matters to you that she gets to know your friends - ask what situations would be easier - maybe a few of them round for some drinks and chatting rather than a whole-gang meet up in a rowdy bar, if she's a bit shy?

It's not unreasonable to want her to engage with what you're interested in/get to know your friends. You might have to compromise a bit on how to get it going, but just chat to her about it! I had to give my now-DH a bit of a talking to in the early days, because he didn't really get that, to me, my friends were as important as my family and in return for long, lousy weekends with his overbearing parents I expected him to get to know my friends a bit. He came round to that, and now gets on great with them - but needed me to articulate it!

I agree you need to have a chat with her, say that you realise she is a bit shy but it's important for you that she meets your friends and family as your relationship moves forwards. Could she be nervous about not being accepted by your friends?

She is extremely shy and told me this on our first few dates. She struggles a bit socially! We went out with my friends a couple of weeks ago and I thought she did great but was very quiet. We have been away with friends too a few times.

She's really come out of her shell with me. I have a family meal in 2 weeks and may ask her to that, although tbh I'm a little embarassed about her emeting my family as my dad is a bit of a drunk and we aren't as close as her family

Sounds like you have the reason then, just shyness. I would ask her to come to the family meal and just explain in advance what it might be like. Go out tonight, enjoy yourself and see her tomorrow. Does she go out socially with her friends?

Just warn her about your family? The people we date invariably come attached to other people. We don't have to love them, but it's fair to expect someone to make a little bit of effort to deal with friends and family, provided they're only mid-level odd! Eyes own family tree.

Just chat to her about it, and be prepared for her to be a bit quiet/it to take a little while to come out of her shell with people. You're not being unreasonable to ask (explicitly) that she tries to get to know them.

All of her friends have moved away really. She has one best friend who I haven't met, they don't do formal introductions of partners, her friend is v busy and they have been arguing a lot lately so not the best time but that's another story!

Yeah shyness is definitely it. She's so funny and stuff, I want my friends to see that side.

With the family, I don't know. My dad will embarass me...(although her mum keeps calling me by her exes names!) I think my dad would get drunk and definitely call her by my exes name, he would tell horrible stories about me, he's v rude and would possibly make comments on other peoples weight and hers. He is a horrible man but he's my dad. I just don't know what to do!

"Just to warn you, my dad can be a bit of an arse. Please don't take it personally!"

Your friends will get to see the fun side of her if you take it slow, don't overload, and just explain to her that you just want to do it a bit more so they can get comfortable with each other - i.e. don't put pressure on it, just explain you'd like it to happen more.

My DH could have described me this way when we met. I was very shy and hated going out as I didn't have many friends and wasn't great with new people.

If it bothers you that she hasn't met your family then tell her. Not in a confrontational way just matter of fact.

As for going to the footy, if she's as shy as you say, she's likely unsure of herself in social situations. I was the same and still can be at times. If you really want her to go then say so but don't try to guilt her into going.

It could be that she finds the prospect of an hour of footy with people she's shy around scary. She could also see it as a lads night and not want to be in the way even though you've asked we to come.

The good thing is she's not trying to stop you going out even though she doesn't want to. If this is the only thing you differ on then I'd say try and work on a compromise where she comes out with you a bit more.

Well, we didn't end up going out. On the Saturday we argued just after agreeing to go to the pub together, which resulted in us not going anywhere (this has happened before over the exact same thing and place suggested).

I asked her to come to family gathering and she said "please don't ask me to meet all of your family all at once"

Hmm

It honestly sounds like you're just not compatible.
Relationships should be about give and take but it doesn't sound like she's doing much giving to be honest.

I can understand her not wanting to meet all of your family at the same time but I don't understand why she hasn't met your closest relatives yet. Shy doesn't really cut it for me.
Warn her about your dad but stop worrying, she's dating you not him and if he want's to come across as a huge arse then there's little you can do to stop it if you want him to meet her.

Talk to her and maybe you'll find what she is comfortable with - maybe meet up with 1 friend and partner seperately.

She has met all my friends in one meeting. Also, she said she would prefer to meet each family member alone first

Ah sorry I must've missed that.

So if she's already told you that, decide when she'd like to start then get it arranged. The longer she puts it off, the more difficult it will be.