Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re wedding gift?

29 replies

RightHereNow · 21/02/2014 14:31

My partner and I are getting married in the summer. A dear friend of ours who lives abroad cannot attend the wedding. We plan to spend a few weeks visiting a number of cities across Europe and one of those cities has been visited before by our friend. They have sent us details of a hotel there that they have stayed in before and offered to pay for a few nights there for us saying it is something they would love to get us.

It's a 5 star hotel and not cheap, and looks lovely and we could only ever dream of staying in a place like it, as could not afford to pay the price ourselves.

It's a kind and generous offer but something so unlike any other gift either of us have ever had before we don't know what the right thing to do is?!

AiBU to decline? Would that offend the friend? Or AIBU not to accept? We only asked for vouchers for a department store on the invite and even then, phrased it something like if people wished to get us gifts they could do so but the only thing we were asking for was for their company, so this is above and beyond anything we could ever have expected.

OP posts:
TheSumofUs · 21/02/2014 14:33

I would decline on the basis that it is very expensive and I would not want to be beholden to that person

growingbytheday · 21/02/2014 14:38

I would take it. They wouldn't offer if they couldn't afford it and they may feel guilty at not being able to attend your wedding so accept with grace! Anyway, they may have found a deal from where they live which works out cheaper than from hereGrin

Modestandatinybitsexy · 21/02/2014 14:43

I'd accept. You call this person a "dear friend" and they seem happy to do it. It's not something that you should feel you have to pay back - although the best relationships do have equal amount of give and take of thoughtful gifts, it doesn't always rely on monetary value.

On the other hand I don't think they'd be offended if you decline the gift.

MimiSunshine · 21/02/2014 14:56

Accept it, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to / couldn't afford it.

I know someone who did similar for their friend. I was shocked at the generosity (not because they aren't generous) but they said well we'd spend the same if not more on attending the wedding (travel, hotel, clothes, gift etc) and we really love the city the couple are going to and want them to have as good a time as possible.

Just reply saying that is in an incredibly generous offer and are they really sure? Then accept with good grace and send them a small present of thanks and a postcard from the hotel.

Joysmum · 21/02/2014 15:01

I would say it looks lovely but that you can't afford the spending money/travel costs/meals/etc for the foreseeable future.

irregularegular · 21/02/2014 15:03

Unless there is some back story here, I would accept it. It sounds to me like a lovely, unsolicited, generous and thoughtful gesture. I think they would be hurt if you turned it down.

MaidOfStars · 21/02/2014 15:04

I would say it looks lovely but that you can't afford the spending money/travel costs/meals/etc for the foreseeable future

My understanding is that this is a honeymoon that the friend knows about?

OP, accept. They wouldn't have offered if they weren't willing to treat you. Take some lovely photos and send them one in the thank-you card.

Fannydabbydozey · 21/02/2014 15:04

Accept. You won't be beholden to them as it's a gift, and a wonderful, thoughtful gift at that. They obviously put some thought into the offer and can afford it. For them, this is a gesture of their friendship. It's a beautiful gift because they love you. You will always be reminded of how your good friends made it possible for you to do this and it will have a special place in your heart forever.

Reply saying how lovely it is and how overwhelmed you are by their generosity. Then accept with pleasure.

Purplepoodle · 21/02/2014 15:07

It would depend. If I knew my friend could afford the gift and it wasn't going to financially burden them then I would take the gift. They get to give you an amazing gift and you get to spend time with your friend.

Martorana · 21/02/2014 15:07

Why on earth would you not accept? It's an incredibly thoughtful, lovely gift.

HazleNutt · 21/02/2014 15:13

Of course you should accept, they would not offer if they could not afford it.

VerlaineChasedRimbauds · 21/02/2014 15:14

Surely people don't offer gifts they can't afford? If you like them then accept graciously. People offering gifts like to know that they are appreciated.

TheListingAttic · 21/02/2014 15:14

"Wow! Thank you so much! That place looks really swish! We'd be more than pleased with a single night there! Are you sure that's okay?"

And if they say "sure" lap it up!

They surely wouldn't offer unless they could afford it - so be thankful you have such lovely, generous, thoughtful friends, and enjoy!

Stridence · 21/02/2014 15:18

Aw, OP, you sound lovely and humble and caring, which is probably how you attract such kind and magnanimous friends. Accept their gift graciously and have a wonderful time.

Laquitar · 21/02/2014 15:22

Why decline a present??
Unless you knew that your friend is living on baked beans in order to give you the gift.
Are you sure they pay the full price? Maybe they have a discount?
I would accept it, thank them and send tbem a nice photo too or a post card from that city.

feathermucker · 21/02/2014 23:52

I don't see the ptoblem at all tbh

LittleBearPad · 21/02/2014 23:57

You won't be beholden to them. It's a gift, they want to get you. Accept it Qin the spirit in which it is given and enjoy it.

Supercosy · 22/02/2014 00:06

What a lovely gift. I would accept it as an amazing present if, as others have said, you're sure they wouldn't be really overstretching themselves. I'm sure they know what they're doing and want to do something special for you both.

Quinteszilla · 22/02/2014 00:08

Accept, because they want to share with you an experience, which I think to me at least is more valuable than anything that a department store could offer.

BackforGood · 22/02/2014 00:12

Sounds like a lovely, thoughtful gift - as you say, from a dear friend.
They will know how much it costs and will have taken that into account before offering. I would accept it in the spirit in which it has been given, and thank them profusely. Smile

AgentZigzag · 22/02/2014 00:13

Accept it but only after questioning whether they're sure it's OK, it's a lovely gift and I'm sure they wouldn't have offered if they weren't sure.

You must mean a lot to them Smile

Original poster
RightHereNow · 22/02/2014 01:54

Thanks all. To clarify our friend wouldn't be at the hotel too (gate crashing a honeymoon?!) - they just want to give it to us as a gift. I don't think its done out of wanting to buy friendship or somehow make us beholden of them - it's just so incredibly generous and unexpected and took us by surprise and we just want to ensure we do the right thing. I think we shall accept with extreme gratitude like most of you have advised and think of something special to send in return, maybe a favor from the wedding and a gift of some kind from here of all the things they may miss about this country, food, magazines etc.

OP posts:
fivefourtime · 22/02/2014 03:16

Don't decline. It's an opportunity you might not get again.

Silvercatowner · 22/02/2014 03:35

I bet they have put a lot of thought and planning into this amazing and lovely gift. If you turn it down you risk hurting your friends badly.

FamiliesShareGerms · 22/02/2014 03:57

I think this is a lovely offer and you would be bonkers to decline. I am still amazed ten years on how generous people can be re wedding gifts: eg friends of my parents who I hadn't seen for years sending presents.

It would be traditional to send them a slice of wedding cake as they can't attend - is that feasible?