...to think that this story vindicates the vipers who post LTB?

[thedogwakesuptoodamnearly]

So often on Relationships women post about scraping by while partners fritter unexplained amounts of money on this and that.

Suggestions that it might be grounds to end the relationship get shouted down.

In court in Cambridge....

"Duffy had told police he had funded his drug habit through his brick laying wage, for which he earned £600 per month.

He kept this a secret from his partner, with who he has two children, and instead they used money from her benefits to cover their living costs.
He added: “He said he was spending £300 on cocaine every two weeks. He explained his partner received benefits of about £300 per fortnight which covers bills, rent and food."

Is it wrong to hope she leaves him for stuffing money that could have provided for his family up his nose instead?

www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Cambridge/Cambridge-bricklayer-forced-to-come-clean-about-his-secret-600-a-month-cocaine-habit-to-partner-after-police-search-his-home-20140221060033.htm

If dh did that then I would be the one up in court.
For murder.

Each story is different though, obviously. I only say LTB when somebody with young children has been knobbing somebody else.

I don't know why you are piggybacking this story to have a pop at the folk who post and support those who use the Relationships board

Unless you have an Agenda?

She must be spectacularly stupid is she cant see him stuffing that up his nose. Where did she think he was all day? AND he's one shit bricklayer if all he earns is £600 a month.

She's playing dim and he's covering for her. She must have been complicit in his habit.

Sorry if it comes across that way, Tampon - it was intended to be supportive of the Relationships board. I think the regular posters on there provide advice which is hard but good.

I'll play devils advocate on this before someone else does

He's spending £300 per fortnight on cocaine, which is coincidentally what she gets in benefits and also what he earns. So if you can afford to stuff that up your nose, then the benefit system is too generous by about £300 a fortnight.

YANBU. However, the case you describe is quite extreme. When it is less clear that someone should probably 'LTB' is when there has been nothing as serious or obvious as theft, fraud, drug habits, violence or whatever. Sometimes a relationship just spirals into the dirt and everyone in it is miserable but no-one has the guts to end it or (especially in the case of women) they think it would be selfish to call time. Sometimes it's the 'LTB' perspective of others that allows someone to give themselves permission to get out.

It's extreme, but i think it really highlights an attitude that comes up over and over - "his" money is fun money, "her" money goes on housing, clothing and feeding the kids.

And sometimes that's her savings, and sometimes that's her money from a part-time job (or what's left over after paying childcare).

Sometimes it's child benefit - a society we've decided to support children with certain benefits that go to parents and I have no issue with that.

*as a society, sorry.

Different or selfish attitudes to finance are a big cause of relationship breakdown but it's not always so clear cut as your financially abusive example. How often have you had someone complain to you IRL that their partner is rubbish with money or regards the money they earn as 'their money'? Should they 'LTB' on the strength of that alone? How about if they discover an unpaid credit card bill or that the partner has spent the mortgage money on a new laptop? LTB then?

I only say LTB when somebody with young children has been knobbing somebody else.

People should leave when their partner is treating them badly.

It doesn't have to be cheating, it can just be disrespect, not pulling their weight, not taking their share of childcare, housework, etc.

No-one has to live like that. That's why posters say LTB.