To want these people to leave

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Bit of background: DP and I live in a flat with another couple. DP and the other guy are good friends from school, the other woman and I have an OK relationship. I do not enjoy living with them as would rather it be just DP and I but we cannot afford to live alone. We are both 29. No kids.

It feels like DP and other male flatmate treat our flat like a party house. We've been out for some drinks with friends, it's midnight, we call it a night and then they say "everyone back to ours". No consultation.

It's now 2am, they are all playing music, drinking beer and chatting. I have work tomorrow (DP has his own business so can do as he pleases, flatmate starts work in the afternoons).

I am so pissed off. I'm going to be really tired tomorrow. If I try and tell DP I don't want people round I'm told "it's their flat too" (fair enough) and that I should be "more spontaneous".

I'm really tired of it all. I know if DP and I had our own place none of this would happen. it makes me resent everyone so much, resent that we can't afford to live alone which I know is just life, resent these people being round (who are, in daylight hours, my friends too).

I wish they'd all fuck off so I could get some sleep like normal people do on a weeknight.

I'm also curious about your finances -- if you're working and no kids, can you not afford your own room share at least, somewhere quieter? (I say that as someone who lived in London for a long time btw.) If not then do you expect to be able to do so in near future?

It's a bit tricky, because normally I would disagree with you saying that 'it's a rented flat so I don't really get any more say than the others' -- by that token, they don't have any more say than you, so shouldn't be able to impose their lifestyle on you.

But if you moved into their preexisting flat, it's a bit different, and I can see why you feel a bit powerless.

I don't think ultimatums or waiting for him to grow up are good strategies. I would just tell him that it's not working for you, living in party central when you're working in the morning, so you're going to sort your own room somewhere else. Then it's up to him to decide whether to change his behaviour for your sake.

Moving out doesn't have to mean breaking up, it's just acknowledging that your lifestyles aren't compatible at the moment.

What happens if you say outloud at the pub 'oh no not tonight , Some of us have to work in the morning, come on lets go its bed time'

It's a bit hard to feel like being spontaneous when you're completely sleep deprived

OP: Your partner is being quite selfish.

Maybe this is time to rethink your relationship, not necessarily finish it, but move out of the flat.

Some men never grow up - he may be one of them.

I was married to someone similiar - often loads of friends round, loud music and I was the only one who went to work early, but nobody cared.

Could you & the other girl move out together? Or is she happy with the current dreadful situation?

YANBU.

He is completely inconsiderate of your feelings and needs (to sleep before work!). Its not his friends fault - it is the responsibility of your DP to say "no chrome has to be up early tomorrow".

Move into a house share with some like minded people.