To wish dp wouldn't keep rubbing it in that he's ticking off one of my bucket list entries?

[BiPolarBearz]

I know I am really.

Basically he's gone to China for a week with work. Somewhere I've always wanted to go. All expenses paid. So all week he's been sending me pictures back of the sights of Shanghai and messages about how great everything is. "oh they took us out to dinner! oh they paid for us to go on a night time river cruise! oh they upgraded my room ... look at the TV above the spa bath in the following pic! oh they keep trying to get me drunk! you'd love it here!"

Yes. I'm sure I would. However I'm stuck at home looking after the kids, working full time, my degree is falling to pieces, my career is looking doomed and I'm trying to wean myself off anti-depressants.

I'm chuffed for him that he has a good job and is having a good time, I genuinely am but it feels like he's rubbing it in a bit. No doubt it will be all I hear about for weeks when he gets back.

I know, I'm being unreasonable and a bit of a bitch but does he really need to go on?

"since we got together I've missed nights outs for him (although he never thinks twice about going out with his mates!). I gave up my hobby for him as he moaned that he don't see enough of each other etc so now when he goes away - I'm stuck here with sweet FA going on."

Hmm, I think this is your problem. Can you arrange a couple of nights out for yourself when he's back? Then when you get home tell him how fantastic they were!

You have up your hobby?

More fool you

AnyFuckerHQ - are you AnyFucker?

I've missed nights outs for him... I gave up my hobby for him

You need to reverse that pdq... [stern look]

Yup

Hi Bipolar, he hasn't really been to China so I wouldn't be too jealous.Let me qualify this, I've been all over the world with my work and all I've really seen is a pile of airports, interchangeable hotels that could be in any city in the world and overpriced restaurants. I imagine that you might wish to immerse yourself in Chinese culture and see something other than the sights of Shanghai. Technically I was in Mexico last week but I don't consider that I have truly visited Mexico. Also he is being a massive knob and I'd be out with the kids when he got home..

I'm another one who advocates reinstating your hobby as soon as possible, OP - it's important on different levels. Firstly, it's something for you, as an individual, and nothing to do with your roles of wife and mother - that's vital for your happiness and sense of self. Hopefully, also, your hobby would have you mixing with other similarly-interested people so you have the potential for making/keeping friends.

Secondly, it means you are going out of the house for an independent interest, leaving your husband in change of the children and house, which would restore a bit of equality to your relationship - after all, he gets his nights out with his mates!

I can't help thinking that your reaction to this trip would not be so extreme if you felt that things were fairer in general.

Reinstate the hobby, OP, and concentrate on making your own life interesting and fulfilling, though I know it's hard when you are feeling low, and when you feel the balance of pleasure and enjoyment in your relationship is so skewed. But I think it would contribute enormously to your feeling better.

Also, I agree with Marylou - the vast majority of business trips are only visits to the country they're in in the most technical sense - interchangeable hotels, airports, motorways, jetlag and people to whom you have to be polite, even while they're trying to get you tipsy through and interpreter and fend off some disgusting local delicacy.

(Also, having a 'bucket list' is a bit tragic unless you're about 200 years old or terminally ill, but that might just be me being nasty...)

YANBU, but I'm not sure he is either. It doesn't sound like he chose to go, but that he had to. It sounds like he's just enjoying himself and is trying to share it with you in a rather clumsy way. Have you told him he's upsetting you? And can we help you with any of the other stuff? (The degree / career etc?)

And FFS, why do you not get the nights out and why did you give up your hobby? Get it back woman!

Is it possible that he thinks that by sharing the photos etc that he is giving you the closest he can to being in China? It doesn't sound to me like he's rubbing it in, more trying to include you in the excitement. Did you tell him before he went that you didn't want to see photos etc as it would feel like rubbing it in? I'm sorry you are missing out, but try not to make it worse by stewing over it as that will just mean that you both end up miserable!

I think it's great that he is telling you so much. Think of the women on here who don't know what the other half is up to when they go away. My son went to China with his work three weeks ago and he thought it wasn't great.

I agree with other posters who say he is just excited and wants to share it with you.
He probably thinks that you would love to hear all about it since it is a place you are interested in.
DH and I travel a lot for work, we usually are excited to go some place new. Though I have to say, I am interested to hear all about DHs trip to new places.

Maybe just tell him to cool it, that knowing what you are missing out on is NOT fun.

My dp is currently in New York with work where I want to be and my career also falling apart, so snap.

He is bored and ready to come home though and I keep thinking its New York how can you be bored, if I was there I'd make the most of it!

What I mean is don't assume you'd feel better if he wasn't enjoying it, be annoyed you couldn't go don't be annoyed at him for going , he's just reacting to his situation the same as you are