AIBU - or is there something wrong with me!

[Fizzielove]

For as long as I can remember I have thought about suicide - not in the way you might think - more of a constant thought of how could I kill myself so that it looks like an accident and my life insurance would pay. I must think up dozens of scenarios every day!

This is weird! I can't stop! Am I mentally ill?

What should / could I do ? I'd really like to live my life without these types of thoughts !!!!

no one?

Sorry I didn't want to just read and run, I don't know if I'll be much help but hopefully someone else will be! Have you tried to talk to anyone in RL about this? Do you feel otherwise happy apart from these thoughts or do they stem from feeling down or unhappy in general?

You need a bit of professional help with this.
Only the docs can decide if you are having irrational obsessive thoughts or if you are curious at a normal level.
Mnet aside I wouldn't look online for help I would call your gp to start the ball rolling.

Best of luck petal I hope it pans out well.

That's the weird thing - in general I'm a pretty happy person - I do have times when I feel down since my brother & mum passed but that's normal to miss people you love! After my mum's death it was intolerable - I had a baby less than a week after - it was so bad I couldn't hardly concentrate - so the GP put me on anti-depressants. Move on 3 years - I'm grand - I'm fine - I have no intention of killing myself but still I have these thoughts that run rampant!!

I just wish they would stop - I hope someone has an idea to help me get rid of them!

There called intrusive thoughts, google it. There not uncommon.

Please see your GP.

Sorry that came out a bit abrupt!

It sounds more like an intrusive thought than an depressive one to me, IYKWIM, but I'd think it's worth speaking to a professional about, just in case changes happen in your life that tip these thoughts over into depressive ones that you might feel like acting upon.

I think it's useful that you're aware of these thoughts and able to speak about them; there's such a stigma about mental health issues .

Maybe some CBT sessions would help, rather than medication.

Just googled it! Sounds like they are definitely intrusive thoughts - though I also do something which I now think is probably related - I count things - all sorts of things - but especially straight lines like the number of edges on a tv, the number of bricks in the fireplace, the number of flowers on the wallpaper and so on it goes - I told my husband and he just said not to worry about it as I've done this for as long as I remember but it's just now that I'm getting older I'm realising that no one else does this!

I don't think there's anything wrong with the thoughts as such, unless they're affecting your behaviour and mood. If you feel able to, you could speak to your GP and they may be able to point you in the direction of books or counselling if necessary.

I do the counting things thing. Lots of people do. I need it to add up to either a 10 or a 5, so 25 things is okay, 30 is better, but 27 I'd need to make up to 30 in some way.

Yep, it's an intrusive thoughts problem. I very much agree they're a pain! I personally came up with some distraction techniques...I'd make to do lists in my head, plan the next week's meals, basically anything that's complex enough to demand my attention and that's useful but not something I'm compulsive about. I'd make myself do this whenever I realised I was obsessing again.

I never knew what it was called, but get a lot of intrusive thoughts. I find I can distract my brain by doing two things- e.g. reading/mumsnetting with the tv on in the background.