To be pissed off when someone point blank refuses to give you any present ideas?

[YouPutYourRightArmIn]

And to make it worse, turns down any suggestions you make?

Step mums 60th coming up and all ideas for presents have been vetoed (indirectly - have been consulting my dad).

I know present-giving is about the receiver, not the giver, but we'd like to do something nice, to treat her and make her feel special, but it feels like mission impossible. Hates spas/treatments, thinks posh restaurants or hotels are a waste, has a charm bracelet but doesn't want charms, only wears inherited jewellery, has hundreds of books on crafting, recipes, gardening and related-accessories galore, wouldn't want to do a workshop or course on her own. I've recently got her and dad theatre tickets and to be honest think they found it a bit of an unnecessary effort traipsing into London (we're about 1.5hrs away), she doesn't like travelling outside of the uk so a mini break is out of the question.

I'm so so stuck. People like to treat people they care about surely? I don't feel specially comfortable when people ask me for a present list but I do muster something up that is realistic or at least provides scope for ideas so that they don't waste their money on something I really don't want or wouldn't like and also because its gracious to so, no?

Get the iPad and tell her you got a great deal on it because your friend was getting a new phone at the same time, or that it's a reconditioned one (or actually get an

...older generation one)

I would get something for the garden- probably a rose bush that has some connection with 60 or her name.

If she likes gardening, get her garden vouchers.

I second national trust for a year. I got it for my parents who enjoyed making the most of it. Only thing is that it good in England, but less so in Wales.

I was going to suggest NT membership too. Or something similar - if a trip to London is too awkward, are there theatres more local?

The reconditioned iPad is a good idea, I got my dad a brand new looking recon iPad 2 for £185, took it to his house to give it to him, I had my iPad with me to show him our wedding pics (we got married in Vegas, he wasn't there), he looked at the pics & said something along the lines of the iPad being ok but not something he'd want, 10 mins later he was presented with his own. And he loves it, he's always using it & has said that if it ever broke he'd buy another the same day.

OP, yes, it's very irritating. I have started a very similar thread a couple of years ago. I got a lot of well-meaning suggestions for presents, but really I wanted someone to tell me how to find what the would-be recipient wanted. But nobody did (admittedly not the easiest undertaking) so I have no advice but empathy.

We got my dad an iPad for his 70th. He would have balked at the cost but we didn't ask, just bought it and he is obsessed with it two years on. Best gift ever! My MIL's Kindle also went down really well.

My mum is like this. She hates 'stuff' basically - and especially hates extravagance. Everything she needs, she has, and she doesn't want any more. Doesn't like 'posh' clothes (ie more expensive than M&S), she does not wear makeup or jewellery. Hates spas, toiletries etc etc. Hates bouquets of flowers. Likes wine, but not expensive stuff. Likes her garden, but any more plants are just a hassle.

She is also very very rich, so vouchers and the like would be ridiculous. She usually comes round for dinner, (plain simple food, obvs!), plays with the DC and if it's the season she gets a nice bunch of daffs. And that honestly seems to be what she prefers.

I really like the tree idea - I've done it several times and it's gone down very well. The Gluttonous Gardener is a great website...

sounds like she may have got past bothering about birthdays, I know I have.

send a card, and have a discussion that perhaps it is time you all stopped wasting effort and money on this, which may be what she is trying to tell you. Or make a charity donation in her name.

I would also rather gnaw off my own leg than go to a spa or a yucky treatment session. She's not alone.

My big sister is 60 in a few days time. I couldn't think of one big gift so I am putting together a box of treats I think she might like. I have chosen 1954 as the theme (that being the year she was born) and have looked up things that happened in that year and then bought gifts which I can loosely tie in to that theme.

For example:

BBC launched the first TV soap opera - so I have bought her some nice perfumed soaps

Rationing finally came to an end - a selection of sweets and choccies to indulge in.

I have got 6 or 7 things along that theme and intend to wrap each individually with the explanation and then put them in the box.

At the bottom of the box I have included a small bottle of champagne to celebrate her 60th.

I agree that many people just don't want any more stuff in their lives, it would of course be easier if she could say 'please don't get me anything' - is it too late to have that discussion with your father?

I too hate expensive gifts - there is nothing that I want or need, I see no point in having new clothes when mine are perfectly sensible (if vintage ) and I just don't like to see people going to the expense of feeling they have to buy 'something'. My parents (in their 80s) are exactly the same so we now celebrate birthdays with a nice meal out.

Best Present I ever got my parents was historic houses association membership - different to national trust, lots of really interesting and normally closed venues to visit - they have renewed it themselves for the last four years and been to some fascinating places.

could you get her a sitting at a local photographers for a date in the future for a family picture -include the picture in the present.......

What about a nice pen? You can never have too many, suit any budget/taste and are practical.