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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to scream at my member of staff to SHUT UP!

40 replies

barkinginessex · 18/02/2014 13:37

That's it really!
She does not stop talking and she driving me nuts!
She butts in conversations that have nothing to do with her and doesn't add anything useful to them.
Is involved in everyone's business and gets involved in projects and tasks when no one has asked her to which then distracts her from her work.
When I ask her a question I get a long drawn out answer and today when I asked another team member a question she jumped in and answered for him and again the question had nothing to do with her.
She's a lovely lady and obviously I won't tell her to shut up but jeeez why is she like this??

OP posts:
angelos02 · 18/02/2014 13:40

YANBU

I work with someone like this too. She is lovely but can't seem to read my body language in which I am trying to subtly show that I am busy. Eg, fingers hovering over my keyboard while I am waiting for her to finish what she is saying.

FunkyBoldRibena · 18/02/2014 13:46

Either:
Start managing her [remind her that if it's not part of her performance plan, she doesn't do it/say it]

Or

Each time she butts in/does work she isn't supposed to/talks for 5 mins without taking a breath, bring her in and say 'I see you are not busy enough so can you do this please' and keep giving her new complicated/dull things to do until she learns to shut up or stop butting in/doing things she shouldn't.

nennypops · 18/02/2014 14:45

If she's your member of staff, why can't you do something about it? You don't need to tell her to shut up, but surely you can tell her that she needs to talk less, stick to her own work, and not answer questions directed to other people?

TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot · 18/02/2014 15:19

I work with someone like that.

When someone asked me a question the other day she started talking over me as I was answering, saying the exact same thing as me but it meant no one could understand what either of us were saying.
She does other people's work, but because she hasn't been trained in those tasks she makes mistakes and leaves things out, so the work has to be undone and started from the beginning again.

She's quite young and doesn't have a lot of work experience and I think she really wants to be seen as keen and helpful and useful.

Wh0dathunkit · 18/02/2014 22:30

I have a manager who I truly believe feels this way about me. We've both done those personality tests recently, and we are an extreme version of chalk & cheese. This doesn't help! They want a bullet pointed headline, without nuances when it comes to contributions to conversations, I maintain that if the job was that simple to do / explain, trained monkeys could do it Shock

Could it simply be a major clash of personalities? Or are they simply pondering on the significance of the of their cats latest foibles, when the conversation has been centred around why x,y,z project has gone skewiff?

DoJo · 19/02/2014 00:00

I agree that if you are in a position where you manage her, you need to start doing it. Explain that it's nice that she is so open and outgoing, but it's affecting her performance and she needs to ensure that she is not impeding anyone else.

If you aren't her manager, then can you talk to whoever is? Just tell them that she is interfering and interrupting other's work and ask them to address it with her.

putthePuffindown · 19/02/2014 00:16

Maybe she's interested in taking on more responsibility and this is her way of showing you how keen and observant she is? That's how I would open my next coaching/121 session anyway, try to draw her out with open questions such as 'I've noticed that you... ' once you better understand what motivates her, then you can generate a more tailored coaching plan for improvement, using the motivator as a reward.

I've always been taught to coach positive behaviours rather than negative, so rather than 'you need to be quieter' it should be 'I'd like you to improve your listening skills' or rather than 'don't answer others questions' it would be 'I'd like you to focus on your colleagues answers more and learn from their experience' if you can show improvement in this area by then we can look at

SingMoreWhenYoureWinning · 19/02/2014 00:21

An immediate, polite but steely 'Thank you x I 'm dealing with this. I'll catch up with you later' usually does it.

Cut her off mid sentence when she answers for you or someone else.

If she's going to act like a child, manage her like one. She'll get the message.

Joysmum · 19/02/2014 00:24

If she buts in, say 'sorry, I hadn't finished speaking'. If she answers for somebody else say 'I was actually speaking to X just then' but do so in private afterwards.

lessonsintightropes · 19/02/2014 01:46

What Sing said. I've got a member of staff like this, keen as mustard and potential to be great but needs corners knocking off. Usually someone this insensitive to group dynamics/communication issues is also pretty good at taking constructive feedback given in quite a direct manner and so I'm using this tack with her... i.e.

"Lessonsassistant, when you were in the meeting earlier this morning, I noticed that you spoke for a lot of the time. In x instance, you spoke over vvvv individual whose role it is to deal with this issue, and it's not part of yours. How do you think that might make vvvv feel? How might you deal with this differently in the future?" etc. Seems to be working so far, bolstered by lots of praise when things are done well and people are not offended!

Monty27 · 19/02/2014 01:48

Yes, I've got one of those too. grrr. Its exhausting, frustrating and annoying. What to do?

Monty27 · 19/02/2014 01:49

Btw, boss thinks this person is wonderful.....

Fluffyears · 19/02/2014 01:54

It sounds like she wants to be seen as knowledgable. Is it just the examples you've given or does she sit and talk a lot of drivel? When someone butts in on me (one big-headed colleague does it a lot in my team) I let them finish then either say 'as I was saying...' Quite pointedly or 'oh my god I managed to say all that without moving my lips!' It gets the point across.

fivefourtime · 19/02/2014 04:28

"[remind her that if it's not part of her performance plan, she doesn't do it/say it]"

If I worked with someone who told me this I would pour my cup of tea over their head and then quit the job.

fivefourtime · 19/02/2014 04:37

Just because I believe it's part of an employee's duty to stray beyond the bounds of the bullet points of their annual personal checklist, and any active attempts to stop that are... really, really demotivating.

My boss knows I'm like that and jokes with me by saying "I know you're itching to get going on this and jump in, but there are certain processes you have to be aware of first, so let's take our time with this and then the end result will be better". Or "I know you want to get involved with everything, but these two projects are the most important ones you're working on right now and you'll get the best results by sticking to those - it might not be a good idea to spread yourself too thin".

I know you weren't literally advocating the idea of someone saying to this person "Now, listen, you, if it's not part of your performance plan, you don't do it or express an opinion about it"... but there's a real risk with that kind of pep talk that an employee will end up demoralised and undervalued.

pluCaChange · 19/02/2014 09:57

Sometimes, people just don't want to do the job they've got, particularly if it's a boring job they've taken because there wasn't anything else available or they aren't competent enough to get a more responsible job.

Learning new things at work is great, but the basics have to be covered. Reminding someone of their mundane responsibilities may seem "harsh", but it is, after all, WORK, and it's quite easy for a manager to be pleasant about the "reminder", in the first instance.

As for the interference with other colleagues, a manager could try, "I understand that you want to be a webmaster/ marketing manager/ party planner yourself, but just think how you would feel if you were in X's position and the job you have waited snd trained for starts being interfered with by a keen newbie... If you accept that you would be frustrated, don't do it to X!"

Pendeen · 19/02/2014 10:59

"not part of her performance plan..."

What on earth is one of those - do you work in a theatre?

MildDrPepperAddiction · 19/02/2014 11:10

If she reports to you it's your job to tackle this.

When she butts in or speaks over people tell her firmly 'I'm speaking to x about this. If you have something to tell me about it you can tell me after'. It sounds like she's very childish.

You need to do something as you have a duty to other staff.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 19/02/2014 11:16

I work with one of those. If I need to ask her something and she is in full flow, usually about one of her DDs who has a waste of space partner, I just give her a few seconds to acknowledge me and if she doesn't, I just say 'Excuse me for butting in, but could I just talk about work for a minute?' Grin.

I do not have the time to wait for someone who talks constantly mostly about non work related issues, to stop talking.

tasteslikechicken · 19/02/2014 11:30

I think it might be worth considering how you view her. You describe her as on of "MY Members of staff"

She is not your member of staff, she is your colleague though and as such is as entitled to criticism as she is praise.

If you convey that you in some way have ownership of people you work with, even if they do report to you, she may be picking up on your irritation with her and feel "unowned" in comparison to her other colleagues.

I always find it interesting when people describe staff junior to them or who report to them as "my" staff. It says a lot about their self perception and how they view others.

I'd be looking at myself first in this one.

angelos02 · 19/02/2014 11:50

I always find it interesting when people describe staff junior to them or who report to them as "my" staff.

yy to this

You don't own the people you work with.

pluCaChange · 19/02/2014 11:55

Oh, for pity's sake. Managers being hands-off and not taking "ownership" of a problem is how this shit happens, and then persists, making other people's working lives harder! Hmm

pluCaChange · 19/02/2014 11:57

Also, if a manager doesn't take it up in a firm-but-fair way, there's a risk that someone else will do it, without being responsible for the approach or result.

tasteslikechicken · 19/02/2014 12:02

No suggestion that the manager shouldn't take responsibility for managing the issue. I think it also devalues the work of other colleagues if it is perceived that people can just go around putting their twopenneth worth into any area they choose or that people aren't busy enough and always have time for a chat.
Problem needs sorting and it is the managers job to do so.
None of this detracts from the sense that the manager describes a colleague as a possession.

Original poster
barkinginessex · 19/02/2014 12:53

For example yesterday I asked another team member where a meeting room was as id never used it, he was about to answer but she jumped in, rambled on for a minute about where it was and then said she would take me there. I had to politely but firmly tell her I didn't need to be taken there and that she needed to concentrate on her work. The other team member I had asked would have given me the answer in needed in 10 words! It's so frustrating.

OP posts:
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