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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this is a bit much?

80 replies

baffledbureaucrat · 17/02/2014 10:38

Long - I don't think IABU but you never know!

I used to live near a family with a DS about the same age as mine. We weren't especially close friends, I knew them from NCT and bumped into them every now and again afterwards. They moved to China when the boys were just two, we swapped emails and I offered to put them up if they ever wanted to come back to visit the UK.

They want to take me up on the offer, but now I've said yes, I find there's a lot more expected than I thought.

The dad will not be staying; however he will be stopping over in London on his way back from the USA. As he's been away for a few weeks, the mum wants to have a bit of 'alone time' with him in London, so will leave her DS with me for 'a sleepover' while she stays in London with her husband. She will be back to stay with me on day 2.

The mum also works with a multinational company and wants to visit their offices in Paris while she's in Europe. She wants to leave her DS with me while she does this for 'a week or so - maybe two'.

Apparently their DS speaks very little/no English as they speak Swedish at home. He also gets anxious at being left without his parents so I'm just to tell him they've gone to the shops if he gets tearful. They want him to have a total immersion experience to 'bring his English back' - he is 4.

Apparently they think this will benefit my DS because 'it will give him a playmate and take the pressure off you'.

AIBU to think they're taking the piss?

OP posts:
canyourearme · 17/02/2014 11:28

Omg shocking. Is she for real? can i dump my 4 dcs with tou for a week or 2

Blueuggboots · 17/02/2014 11:28

Ummmmm.....NO.

How presumptuous!

maras2 · 17/02/2014 12:16

Cheeky mare. I've never heard such nonsense. Just told DH , he's still in stitches.

BelleateSebastian · 17/02/2014 12:23

Waiting for some wise MN'er to suggest op tells cheeky child dumping bint 'I'm sorry that doesn't work for me'!!!

Good luck OP :) yadnbu!

FrankelInFoal · 17/02/2014 12:59

I'm waiting for someone to ask if cheeky friend is on glue, or at least related to GlueZilla Grin

Topaz25 · 17/02/2014 14:09

You offered to put the family up if they visited, not babysit their DS for 2 weeks! YANBU! I actually think that as well as BU to you they are being unkind to their son. They haven't bothered to maintain his English and now they want to just dump him somewhere he hardly speaks the language, with someone he hardly knows and lie to him about where they are going ("the shops" for 2 weeks, WTF?!) when they know he gets anxious about being separated from them. He won't magically learn to speak English or tolerate being separated from his parents, this "total immersion experience" would be very distressing for him. And as for the idea that having an extra child to look after will "take the pressure off you"?! They are taking the piss. Just say no. You have nothing to lose, you aren't close to this family emotionally or geographically.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 17/02/2014 14:18

The correct response to that would be "have you been sniffing glue?"

of course you have to say no.

How can you be expected to tell a (non English speaking) 4 year old that his mum has "popped to the shop" for a whole week?
How would that even work?

She is taking the Piss. A lot.

AngelaDaviesHair · 17/02/2014 14:29

Actually, they sound emotionally neglectful of their son and there's no way I'd want to help someone perpetuate that. You can't stop her offloading him callously, but you certainly don't have to facilitate it.

MrsCosmopilite · 17/02/2014 14:39

I think starfishmummy has it! Your 'friend' sounds mad. She needs to know it was an offer for the family to stay, not the offer of hotel/babysitting services.

MrsWolowitz · 17/02/2014 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedorBlack · 17/02/2014 14:55

De lurked as I am Confused on your behalf!

Sorry, but stuff gently explaining anything. This is a serious piss take and she knows it Shock

YADNBU. Email her back and clarify you are happy for both if them to stop over a night or two(or whatever you are completely comfortable with) but that you are neither a hotel or a nannying service.

Skip it's not convenient and doesn't work for me. Just plain no. Far less wiggle room that way.

(wanders back into lurkdom shaking head in astonishment)

baffledbureaucrat · 17/02/2014 14:59

Well, I sent an email saying that while I was glad that they were coming over, I wouldn't be able to help with looking after her DS or to put them up past Sunday (i.e. only for two days). If she and her DS want to stay with us on Saturday and Sunday we'd be happy to see both of them.

I'll see how she responds. I hope it was clear enough.

I really don't think it's fair on the poor kid - or on my DS to be honest. It's all very well having a cultural exchange experience with someone you don't know when you're 15, but not when you're 4! I'd happily look after one of DS's friends for a few hours, but even without the language barrier I'd be a bit nervous about overnight (what happens in case of accidents, what food does the poor mite eat, does he get nightmares like the ones DS has just grown out of....?) Never mind that if they've just arrived in the country, he'll be suffering jetlag on top of his mum leaving him with a total stranger who doesn't speak his language!

OP posts:
Topaz25 · 17/02/2014 15:31

Your response sounds very fair. Please post her reply.

RedFocus · 17/02/2014 16:06

A day or two is fine but a week or maybe two is totally unreasonable op and I hope she wakes up and sees how completely selfish and crazy she's being.

Pigletin · 17/02/2014 16:35

Waiting (im)patiently to see what she replies :)

Alisvolatpropiis · 17/02/2014 17:52

The correct response is "have you taken leave of your senses, I retract my offer".

Though your response is more diplomatic Grin

bumbumsmummy · 17/02/2014 18:22

What the actual Shock cheeky cow she's doing you no favours at all maybe a week or two

Tell them you are really sorry Aunty Dora has taken ill and she'll be coming to stay so you can look after her

baffledbureaucrat · 18/02/2014 09:51

Update - so she replied saying that was fine, they would both look forward to seeing me on Saturday - can I pick them up from the airport and they might have a lot of luggage...!

She said it was a shame that DS wouldn't have a playmate for next week but she has a friend she used to work with in Southhampton who could probably help out, as her two DCs are on half term next week and 'she's sure they'd love to have her DS around'.

I think my DS will live with the disappointment Grin. I just feel sorry for the poor woman in Southhampton tbh.

OP posts:
RedorBlack · 18/02/2014 10:00

Well done OP. Hopefully Southampton friend will have your sense & will say no too. Keep an eye on AIBU for a very similar thread Grin

Can't help but feel sorry for the poor little lad, his mums determined to dump him somewhere Hmm

YouStayClassySanDiego · 18/02/2014 10:03

Bloody hell, so she had a back up just in case you saw sense couldn't help out.

I wonder if S'hampton mum is a sucker?

baffledbureaucrat · 18/02/2014 10:03

Grin RedorBlack I think you're right!

OP posts:
walterwhiteswife · 18/02/2014 10:13

msg back saying no you cant pick her up from the airport and that you have just realised you have a previous commitment and will now be busy

winklewoman · 18/02/2014 10:16

Let's all hope Southampton mum is a Mumsnetter so the saga can continue.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 18/02/2014 10:21

no is a complete sentence!

seriously though, say your grandmother died and cancel the whole things, whatever she said she will take the piss

YouStayClassySanDiego · 18/02/2014 10:22

Do you have a car big enough to take all of the luggage?

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