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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to show this woman a copy of

50 replies

DDDDDORA · 16/02/2014 15:31

DD2 birth and baptism certificate to prove we named her xxxx and not xxxxx. DD2 started school in September and she made new friends, one of her friends mother insists on calling her the longer version of the name that we called her, despite me correcting her several times. It is really beginning to annoy me and what really gets me is that she tells DD2 off for not answering her when she calls her by it!

OP posts:

Nomama · 16/02/2014 16:16

I'm singing the Ting Tings song... they called me Stacey... that's not my name....

I was called Daphne by one teacher - that's not my name! She sent me to the Head 2 or 3 times a year for being rude. I went, if only to get out of her lessons. She was told over and over again, my name was written correctly in the register - and doesn't even begin with D!

Teach your daughter the song.... You call me xxxxx, that's not my name!

Original poster

DDDDDORA · 16/02/2014 16:17

Phantom one of your examples is very close, I am teaching her to speak up and correct people but she is quite shy so it comes out more of a mumble. I will keep working on it with her and joys I like your explanation of why she is doing it so I will use that thanks. Up until now I have had a quiet word and have asked her not to tell her off but it isn't working so maybe doing loudly will work. Failing that I like the idea of calling her Bernard

OP posts:

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 16/02/2014 16:19

How do you correct her? Do you say
its x
or do you say
y is not her name. X is her name on her birth certificate not y. X is not a nickname. Why do you keep calling her y, and please do not tell her off for not answering to a name that isnt hers

you really have to hammer it home to some people.

MaryWestmacott · 16/02/2014 16:20

I'd just speak to the other mother and say "I've heard you call my daughter XXXX a few times, but that's not her name, she's YYY, it's not just a shortened version of XXXX, we just put YYY on her birth certificate because boht my husband and I hate XXXX. It's not a big deal, just YYY is struggling to understand why people expect her to answer to a different name."

SauceForTheGander · 16/02/2014 16:22

When people call DD by the long version of her name she shrieks "that's not my name".

Actually, it is her official name but she never gets called it. I've tried telling DD but she doesn't believe me and tells me I'm wrong. She's going to get a shock when she sees her passport.

YANBU - just tell her again in a nice friendly way. She might be like me - i'm unable to process a new name once my brain has hooked onto another name .... The woman has just made a mistake - she's not murdered kittens.

SauceForTheGander · 16/02/2014 16:24

Though telling your poor DD off is shitty -

Crikeyblimey · 16/02/2014 16:26

The library van lady tried to get my niece to put Katherine on her library ticket application thing when she was quite small. Katie very politely said "but that's not my name". Proud moment for my sis who was sick of people assuming her name was Katherine.

Get this woman told!

cees · 16/02/2014 16:29

Get assertive, approach the mother and tell her to stop it. Your dd is only little yet so you need to sort it for her.

Bloody cheek of the woman telling your child off, by the way where does she get the opportunity to do that? Do they do playdates or is it at the school gate?

YellowDinosaur · 16/02/2014 16:30

This would piss me right off. For sure she hasn't murdered kittens but she is telling your dd off for not answering to a name that is not hers! I'm afraid I'd see the red mist at this.

Ds1 has a similar shortened form of a name. He was admitted to hospital as a baby and they insisted on calling him the long version deal pie us politely correcting them several times. In the end I went up to the desk and didn't move until they had corrected it on the board and in his notes. The nursing staff looked at me as though I was being one of those awkward mums but really, IT'S NOT HIS FUCKING NAME HOW HARD IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND? Might as well call him Alphonse ffs as that's not his name either... Grrrrr!

YellowDinosaur · 16/02/2014 16:32

I was polite by the way, I didn't swear at the staff but it's fair to say I was politely insistent...

Fakebook · 16/02/2014 16:37

Tell your dd to ignore anyone who doesn't say her actual name. Dd has a name that can be mispronounced or people shorten it when there's no need (only has 5 letters anyway!), so I've told her that if anyone calls her something different, she must keep quiet and ignore. I think your dd could do that if she's quiet anyway? When the woman approaches her about why she's ignoring her, she can then say "that's not my name". Works for dd...she also shakes her head and slaps her forehead for added drama.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/02/2014 16:40

That is awful, YellowDinosaur - when I was nursing, the hospital I trained at had a special bit on the nursing Kardex (ward records) for what the patient wanted to be called, and we had to ask, when we were admitting them. On the Children's ward, you asked the parents what to call the child - and then no-one had any excuse for using the wrong name.

Pimpf · 16/02/2014 16:41

Don't be quiet about it, how is your dd going to learn to stand up for herself if she doesn't see you doing it.

Be blunt with the woman, tell her, I don't know why you insist on calling my dd isabella, her name is bella, do not tell her off if she doesn't answer you when you call her that, she won't reply as she doesn't know you are calling her

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 16/02/2014 16:44

My dh has a short name - the lady in the post office told him off for not putting his 'real name' on a form. He explained that he had and she said 'no dear, your real name is Thomas. Tom is just short for it'

He was 41!

YellowDinosaur · 16/02/2014 16:47

SDTG I work in healthcare also and was also pretty surprised! Especially at all the faces when I pointed it out. I mean, I do know my own child's name ffs!

zebrastripe · 16/02/2014 17:12

I once had a friend at school called Josh and I remember how frustrated he used to get at people calling him Joshua, as that's wasn't his name!

YANBU. Tell this woman!

Madmammy83 · 16/02/2014 17:18

Why on earth would you show the woman your child's birth certificate? I do understand that it annoys you but are you in the woman's company every day or something? Just correct her every time if it annoys you that much.

MammaTJ · 16/02/2014 17:28

My nephew had similar at school, his name is Sam and the teacher was trying to teach him how to spell Samuel! Totally irrelevant as that is not his name!

RufusTheReindeer · 16/02/2014 17:42

YANBU

Don't show the birth certificate but correct her at every possible opportunity and don't let her bully your daughter

My name is the short version of a longer name, think Les rather than Lesley, the amount of people that tell me categorically that my name is Lesley, that my parents christened me that and that my birth certificate says that is unfuckingbelievable!!!

The only thing guaranteed to set me off!!!

People use it just to see me react, I get the red mist and everything

youmakemydreams · 16/02/2014 17:44

I have both at opposite ends of the scale. did has a name that is a short version of several names and has at times had all of them. Ds2 on the other hand has a long name and people often use the shortened version. He is 3 and loud so takes no time at all in correcting them.

LegoStillSavesMyLife · 16/02/2014 18:06

I had this as a child. I never ever (on principle) answered anyone if they said the wrong thing. An adult/teacher could be shrieking in my face and I wouldn't answer unless they said my correct name.

I was also deaf as child and people must have just thought I hadn't heard. Hence the shrieking. I was never rude but my name is Lego, not Legoella or Legoie or Legoanythingelse". I was very young when I started doing this maybe 3 ish?

Obviously when I was older I would say "my name is Lego" rather than just ignore people.

I can now see I was a pain in the arse as a child

babybythesea · 16/02/2014 18:26

Call her Trigger.

phantomnamechanger · 16/02/2014 18:32

at call her Trigger......or maybe call her Dave! LOL

DuchessFanny · 16/02/2014 18:40

This drives me nuts ! I'd tell her very loudly and in front of people in the hope it would shame her into listening to you, unfortunately some people are so insistent that they are right ...

When our eldest son was born my DH went into work and told everyone the name. One work colleague of his convinced herself we had given him the shortened version, we hadn't, but she'd have none of it and insisted on 'correcting' DH ...
Colleague: so, how's Ben ? ( not his real name )
DH: Benjamin is fine thank you
Colleague: so is Ben sleeping through yet ?

And on and on ..

He told her direct that it wasn't his name, but apparently she looked a bit bemused and muttered something about him being wrong through lack of sleep !!!!! Some people are very
Strange.

When DH was at school his fairly common name was spelled in a slightly different - but by no mean unusual - way, one of his teachers took quite an exception to this and gave him grief for writing it 'wrong' and 'showing off' !!!

Jengnr · 16/02/2014 19:28

I have a long name. I am happy with the long version or the short short version. I don't like the short version. Guess what every fucker calls me first. Drives me insane.

Ah fuck it, I've just realised it's my username - Jennifer or Jen. Never Jenny

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