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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Catering a Wedding abroad

48 replies

34at32 · 16/02/2014 12:40

I'm trying to organise a wedding abroad. I'm not finding it easy but it's slowly starting to take shape.

My other half has decided to cook for the wedding party himself.....I know, but his day too and all that, plus he's a good cook so I'm sure it'll taste great. It will be approx 40 guests.

The problem is that he reckons he'll be able to get all the food from the nearest supermarket the day before....not that we know where that is or what exactly they sell. I reckon he should try and preorder to avoid bring caught short on any essential ingredients.

He thinks this is 'ludicrous' behaviour and that I'm being a control freak and that we can work it out when we are there.

Am I being unreasonable, or ludicrous?

I'm terrified that this is a recipe for the worst wedding day ever!

OP posts:
MaryWestmacott · 16/02/2014 13:55

BTW - saying "it's rude" might work better than "you can't do it" - as saying you don't think he could do it would look like you don't have faith in his cooking ability (which you don't), or be seen as a challenge, but "it's rude" is hard to prove you wrong.

Blatherskite · 16/02/2014 13:56

Sounds like utter madness to me.

PIL took us all on a big family holiday to Portugal a couple of years ago and we hired out a huge villa to accommodate all 15 of us with catering facilities included...

...It was a huge struggle to cook for all of us at once as I think the owners had assumed that most people would go out to eat every day rather than stay in and cook and the Supermarket was surprisingly basic given that it was a holiday resort and also seemed to assume that everyone would be in restaurants not cooking for themselves.

I would be very wary of pitching up and assuming that there will be a supermarket nearby which can cater to your needs.

When I got married, I made our wedding cake. Seemed easy. I'd made cakes before, how hard could it be?

2 weeks before I was searching desperately for someone to ice it for me as I was so stressed I just couldn't do that too. He's a loon if he thinks catering for that many people on his own wedding day is a good idea

WilsonFrickett · 16/02/2014 14:02

People are travelling to your wedding because they love you both and want to share your special day. You waitressing and him sweating buckets in the kitchen = no time to be spent with your guests and a whole heap of stress. I think he's at risk of being rude to your guests actually - albeit unintentionally.

CasperGutman · 16/02/2014 14:05

We catered a party for about 50 people for my son's baptism. We spent the previous two days getting ingredients and other bits and pieces from a Costco and two supermarkets, cooked all the food the day before (it was a cold buffet) and it was still hard work on the day just putting everything out and tidying up afterwards.

Even if he's only planning a simple buffet HIBVU to think he can do this on his own wedding day!

ImperialBlether · 16/02/2014 14:07

Casper, it's not only his wedding day, it's in another country and he doesn't know where the shops are!

OP, YABU in thinking of marrying such a dimwit.

phantomnamechanger · 16/02/2014 14:21

This not a good idea. catering your own wedding in your home town with all your own favourite kitchen implements to hand would be doable, but still not a good idea on ones own wedding day, for all the above reasons. Doing in an unfamiliar place with no idea of what food you will actually have available till the day before is absolute insanity. What do your families think? Is this to do with his culture - that "hospitality" is more hands on/DIY than just paying for caterers? I can't see any way this is NOT going to be a huge PITA and a whole load of stress on what should be a lovely happy day for you both. I hope you can persuade him not to do it!

phantomnamechanger · 16/02/2014 14:22

what country is it? is DF fluent in that language? does he have siblings/best man lined up to help source and prep the food? or does he think he can do it all himself at the last minute ?

Stuckonthebaby · 16/02/2014 14:30

OMG we just only tried to make 4 bridesmaid bouquets and 5 button holes the morning of our wedding and that was nightmare enough - as if it's hard to tie a piece of string round a few flowers hey?! Cooking for your own wedding is mental.

sooperdooper · 16/02/2014 14:52

He's off his head, has he ever catered for 40 people even just at home??

Get caterers in, your venue will be able to suggest local suppliers they've used before, don't let him attemp this it's ridiculous

Inertia · 16/02/2014 14:53

Not only would I be unimpressed to pay out for a wedding abroad to be given sandwiches, I would be really pissed off if I had to make them myself after searching out the nearest shop because the groom was a stubborn arse who hadn't figured out he would actually be busy getting married. As another poster said , it's pretty rude of him to put his desire to show off his cooking skills ahead of the comfort of his guests.

If he's so determined that the groom should cater, perhaps you need to draft in a local chef or waiter to do the groom's jobs of drinking champagne, chatting with guests, dancing, kissing the bride etc.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/02/2014 14:56

Big town in France on market day? Doable but stupid. Small village in Nicaragua? Impossible and stupid.

Birdsgottafly · 16/02/2014 14:58

I am in my 40's, I can remember Weddings from my younger years, were a Hall was hired, or a Marque put up and it was Home Catered.

It was before the days of supermarkets, so similar to what your DH is thinking he can do, the food served was very basic, but it was in the days when people were short on food and less fussy.

However, usually a few neighbours would have massive pots of Scouse/Stew on the go and a local baker would supply crusty bread.

A Vat of tomato soup, or Melon Balls would be the starter.

A local Butcher would do the meat.

All of the street were happy to help and it took every female in the family doing something, the men would sort the bar.

It still wasn't good enough by today's standards, even though the atmosphere (booze) made up for it.

The actual Bride and Groom didn't do anything, though.

It's going to be shit, unless you make him see sense.

It would be nice to do that on a smaller scale, at home for those who didn't attend.

Pigletin · 16/02/2014 15:22

Wow you poor OP having to deal with this. I also think he is completely mad. If he wants to cook for the guests, that's fine but please make very sure that he can get the ingredients ahead of time. What if there is something missing or they don't have enough in stock. Not sure which country this is but not every place always has the same stuff you can find at home

I'm afraid this is a recipe for disaster in my eyes. Not worth the stress. I hope you manage to convince him to change his mind.

Booboostoo · 16/02/2014 16:57

Completely bonkers idea from start to finish. Does your OH even have any experience of cooking for that number of people? Aside from anything else he will be hard pressed to produce a three course meal for 40 in 24 hours! He will be stressed, tired and hot! Has the hotel agreed to let him use their catering facilities? There may well be insurance restrictions. If he's planning on hot dishes how will he cope with the wedding when he will actually need to be in the kitchen?!

AllMimsyWereTheBorogroves · 16/02/2014 17:11

It is a mad idea. Just how mad depends on where the wedding will be, of course. If the OP means they have taken over a self-catering villa complex in a well-populated area, it won't be as bad as (a) there will be enough cutlery and crockery for 40 (since there are enough beds), (b) there will be kitchens with basic cooking equipment (but spread between several different kitchens meant for producing meals for maybe 6 people max, which will make things complicated) and (c) there will be food shops/markets.

If OTOH the wedding is in the middle of nowhere with no shops nearby and minimal equipment, it's all a complete non-starter.

The only way I could see this working would be if the wedding breakfast were going to consist of something like this:

Fantastic array of good cheese, salami, pâté, other ready-made/ready to eat savoury stuff, lovely flavoursome tomatoes, olives, lots of fruit, lots of delicious bread, good butter/extra virgin olive oil.

Wedding cake bought from UK or ordered from a local place.

Lots and lots of good wine to wash it all down.

Not difficult to get hold of or to lay out on the day, all self-service.

Personally I would love a feast of that kind but it wouldn't necessarily meet everybody's expectations of a wedding breakfast.

Anything that involves actually preparing vegetables, meat, fish, sauces, puddings etc for 40 people is going to take ages and ages, be tiring and messy and stressful, and that's without taking into account the difficulties of, and time taken, getting hold of the stuff in the first place. Then there's the whole question of cooking and finishing the meal - fitting all of that in around the time of the ceremony, serving it up while in wedding finery - the mind boggles.

AJH2007 · 16/02/2014 18:05

If you're engaged to Michel Roux Jr and his dad and uncle are the sous chefs, YABU. Otherwise, YANBU.

On the other hand, if he actually goes through with this, please please come back and tell us what happens!

AllMimsyWereTheBorogroves · 16/02/2014 18:07

AJH2007, that's genuinely made me laugh out loud! I think it was on Masterchef (Professionals version) that MRJ said it was utterly nerve-wracking to cook for his dad even now. He also said recently that his daughter's boyfriend had recently made him spaghetti carbonara. Can you imagine trying to cook for MRJ? I think I'd stick to beans on toast.

BEEwitched · 16/02/2014 18:22

Nope, sorry, categorically won't work. DH and I got married in my home country last year and it was a DIY affair and it was so much more work than I anticipated, even though my parents and best friend live in the village and helped me and pre-organised stuff.

We had the village hall which came with all the glassware and crockery and the local butcher was catering, but we bought flowers from a florist (and Aldi!) and did the decoration ourselves, decorated the hall ourselves, got the drinks from the local supermarket and the wine from the local vintner. I made the cake myself, in fact we made all of the cakes ourselves, and it was nutty - a lot of fun but nutty.

Without pre-ordering and speaking in person to my suppliers and getting things sorted it would have been incredibly hard to pull off, and if he wants to cook himself the least he needs to do is work out a strict menu and make sure he has the necessary ingredients for it in the necessary quantities!

lljkk · 16/02/2014 18:43

It's one thing to cook the food, but who is going to serve it up, wash the dishes, find the horse-radish sauce? You need a lot of help.

waltermittymissus · 16/02/2014 18:52

And what if people are veggie, vegan, coeliac etc.

So you'll need a few options for each course...

It's utter madness!

Show him this thread!

WilsonFrickett · 16/02/2014 18:54

Mimsy (love the nn) I hadn't even thought about cutlery and crockery and stuff like that Shock

MaryWestmacott · 16/02/2014 18:54

Oh god thinking about it, the only way my DH would be happy to cater for 40 people would be a BBQ, your dh2b isn't thinking BBQ wedding breakfast, is he??!?

waltermittymissus · 16/02/2014 19:02

ALLERGIES!!!

He needs to take those into account too.

Also, if he is pre-prepping, do you know if the venue has the space (fridge space) to hold everything.

And YY to silverware etc...

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