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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed fed up of the guilt trip every weekend

49 replies

kalms1971 · 15/02/2014 22:41

Dh's parents expect a visit every weekend. Recently I have been refusing to do this. Have explained to them that my dad is in a dementia unit and have been fighting for funding to get him back home, plus the visiting by bus takes all day to get there and back. Our son has SEN so have frequent appointments and his behaviour is unpredictable. He is tired from school all week and he just wants to chill on Sunday mornings.Also nice to be able to do something as a family or see his best friend sometimes who goes to a different school. Dh just rang them and they said they are disappointed we not seeing them tomorrow. So now dh is asking me to see if we can visit them after all!!

OP posts:
RobotLover68 · 15/02/2014 22:43

YANBU

Surely DH can go on his own? Sheesh what is it with this controlling people?

FunkyBoldRibena · 15/02/2014 22:44

No.

MyICDiscalledsparky · 15/02/2014 22:45

Can they not come and visit you for the afternoon?

MarjorieChardem · 15/02/2014 22:46

YANBU at all! With the amount of commitments you've got (and even if you hadn't actually) every weekend is ridiculous!

Tell your DH he is being very unreasonable and that his parents are too. He has his own family now and needs to put you first!

I like my in-laws but every weekend is too much. DH goes by himself if he really wants to go and I don't want to.

WitchWay · 15/02/2014 22:46

No, stick to your guns - it's like dealing with giant toddlers - do not give in!

MyICDiscalledsparky · 15/02/2014 22:47

And YANBU. I would refuse too.

mashpot · 15/02/2014 22:49

I can't understand how anyone gets into the position if seeing parents/ in laws every weekend. I see mine about once every 2 months but I'd class us as very close. Million and one other things to do in life as well though. Can you compromise on a Skype call?

capsium · 15/02/2014 22:49

They are disappointed? They need to lower their expectations. Absolutely do not encourage this expectation that you will see them every weekend. Mix it up a bit.

Perhaps they might help out and babysit whilst you visit your Dad. DH could go by himself or take DS. They could visit you occasionally. And you can have parent free weeks. Perhaps you could meet them somewhere for lunch. What is not to like?

Procrastinating · 15/02/2014 22:50

YANBU. Once a month is enough. Actually, rereading what you said about the bus journey, once every two months.

expatinscotland · 15/02/2014 22:50

Tell them they are perfectly welcome to come visit you themselves.

FryOneFatManic · 15/02/2014 22:51

Don't go, and stick to your guns. All the stuff you mention are good enough reasons not to go every weekend.

In fact, just wanting some downtime to chill is a good enough reason IMO.

Mrswellyboot · 15/02/2014 22:52

YANBU. I make a rule of keeping Sundays for ourselves. Mil is great and totally understands.

ZenGardener · 15/02/2014 22:53

No way! If they were 5 minutes down the road it would be ok popping in for a short while but traveling all day to see them is too much. They are being really unfair.

youarewinning · 15/02/2014 22:57

Yanbu. I think once a month is a lot for a whole day so every week is just too much. I see the 2 day weekend as 1 day 'doing something' and 1 day at home (housework, food shop etc). My Dd also has SN and needs this down time. Even then the 'doing something' is probably only half a day.

And if you visit them every week on one of the days when do they think your meant to see your own parents?

feelingvunerable · 16/02/2014 06:54

Stick to your guns.

Why tell dh to go with your dc alone.

JeanSeberg · 16/02/2014 06:58

Why isn't your husband being more firm with them and why is he even telling you they are disappointed?

I hope things work out with your dad. Thanks

TheGreatHunt · 16/02/2014 07:00

They've expressed their disappointment - hardly a guilt trip! Your dh feels guilty as they're his parents.

So explain - or better yet get your dh to - the reason why the visit will be scaled back.

I see my ILs every weekend but there are times that we don't. They might express disappointment but I don't see it as controlling. Eg if someone says to me they cannot meet me, I'd say oh that's a shame maybe next time. I guess it depends on what they're saying exactly.

winkywinkola · 16/02/2014 07:09

Every weekend is madness.

WhatAFeline · 16/02/2014 07:13

DH needs to understand that his parents should not monopolise one seventh of your lives. Yanbu.

DarlingGrace · 16/02/2014 07:18

That's sad; DH and I called into our parents every day with the children on the way home from work. Only for a coffee and quick catch up. I hate seeing how people treat their parents and in laws. Like nuisances who suck out their time. Bet you'll all be there for a will reading though.

JeanSeberg · 16/02/2014 07:28

So it's every day or nothing with no middle ground? Hmm

JeanSeberg · 16/02/2014 07:30

Is that what you'll be hoping for when your children are grown up DG - a daily visit?

WorkingBling · 16/02/2014 07:33

I am very close to both dsis and dsil, both of whom live about 30 minutes away. But we see them at most every second week. There's just too much on otherwise. I think unless your family live within five minutes, visits more often are impossible. If my family or in laws lived round the corner I am sure we would see them often even if just for a cup of tea.

All day travelling is not something you do weekly. Why don't they visit you?

evertonmint · 16/02/2014 07:36

DG - I suspect you wouldn't have done anything like that if it had involved a long bus journey each way and took time away from dealing with another unwell parent, would you?

CPtart · 16/02/2014 08:01

So inheritance is to be used as a manipulatory tool and only handed out if certain conditions are met??

Controlling and selfish.

OP YANBU.

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