to strongly suggest my mum takes my younger sister (10) to the Dr?

[ikeaismylocal]

My dm and 10 year old sister are visiting us at the moment, this evening we were sitting down playing a board game and d-sis was finding it hard to breath, she described it as not being able to fill her lungs properly and not feeling like she was getting enough air. This lasted about 10 minutes, I opened the window which didn't seem to help much. Dm ignored it and said that this happens every once in a while.

I asked if they had been to the Dr about it and they hadn't, dm said she wasn't going to take d-sis to the Dr as it was probably either asthma or a panic attack and she wouldn't have her child being labeled as asthmatic as ever other child has an inhaler these days and d-sis would grow out of it.

Dm was never keen on taking her children to the Dr, I can't remember going to the Dr as a child.

What worries me is that if it is a panic attack d-sis is being told that it is ok and normal to feel like that and really the reasons why she is feeling panicky need to be addressed.

I love my mum and sister very very much, we all get on really well.

Should I really push my dm to take d-sis to the Dr or is this a my child my rules situation?

It certainly isn't about attention, you would need to be decapitated before you got attention for ailments from dm.

I have mild asthma and this is just how I describe it. It doesn't happen often and I rarely use my inhaler. Def try and persuade her to take her to the dr

YANBU. Even if it is only a panic attack surely it would be better for your sister if somebody explained to her what is going on and taught her a few easy tricks for controlling it? That is going to be a whole lot more effective than just ignoring it.

(have a dd who gets breathing difficulties as part of general nerviness and it is definitely very controllable)

And if it is asthma it could be dangerous. If she needs an inhaler to be safe, then she needs an inhaler. If there is a trigger, then she needs to know about it so the trigger can be avoided.

I've had shortness of breath being anaemic, which obviously needs seeing to.

Ds1 has borderline asthma which is similar to what you describe, but is improving on a trial steroid inhaler. It had actually been bothering him a while before but he'd got used to it and compensated, which is no way to live.

Basically, with what happened your sister needs help and needs someone to advocate for her, no matter how much it might piss your mother off.

I'm really glad most people seem to be in agreement with me, I'm often the "nagging" daughter and I don't like people telling me how to bring up my dc but I really feel this is more important than the "my child my rules" outlook.

I had something similar as a child - never got taken to the dr either. My parents put mine down to panic attacks - for me it was when I became conscious of my breathing I stopped doing it automatically and felt I had to make sure I remembered to take each breath.
To this day I still suffer and even reading this thread/writing this response puts me in danger of an attack.
Please make sure she gets to the doctors, I used to get so frightened. Fresh air and taking my mind off it really helped though.

Breathlessness out of the blue isn't normal.Ignoring it in a 10 yr old is neglect in any country.

Take her to a doctor.

And panic attacks to 'get attention'? Eh??

From what you've said, would you trust your mother's word to take your sister to the doctor?

Justtoomessy it is pretty offensive to say that anyone would have a panic attack to get attention. Someone very close to me has suffered from them and it took over their life. No one on earth would have one 'on purpose', ffs.

Op you are right that your dsis needs to see a doctor, whether it's here or back home.

My MIL had a similar attitude to your mother. Her family were tough and didn't get ill. FIL had a turn once and a&e said his blood pressure was very high and needed monitoring and she said there was no point becuase there was nothing a doctor could do and he wouldn't want to be interfered with if there was. Two years later he dropped dead - he had chronic athleroscosis (furred arteries) which caused a massive blockage in his heart.

Stuff refusing to go to the doctor. He could be alive now and your sister may have something and nothing but she may also have a serious underlying condition that needs treatment.

When I had seriously out of control graves disease (and I had been to the dr and told I was over tired due to work pressure) I used to get breathless on exertion if I walked too fast or got too tired. It was affecting my heart it was bad. All fine now 20 years on but of course your sister needs medical attention if only to discount something serious.

You also might want to be aware of pressure from your dm on your sis to down play the problem, or your sis might do it anyway so as to not make your mum mad.

I get this, and my sister used to - mine is due to anaemia, my sister's was a heart murmur that fixed itself.

Meant to add; please try and get your sister to a doctor. It can't be fun for her

She may be anaemic, possibly not getting enough iron if she's vegetarian. Or it could be mild asthma. Either way she needs to see a doctor to be sure. How long is she staying with you? Could you get firm with your mum and insist she goes to your GP? Has your sister got a cold at the moment? That cd set off wheezy symptoms.

Call 1177 and get advice from them. If your sister is an EU national she is entitled to the same medical care as the locals on the same basis.

Even if she isnt entitlted to medical care in your country, can you not take her and pay? That way you know she's been seen..