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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what I should bring as a gift for my friend with 6mo twins and no sleep?

54 replies

SybilRamkin · 14/02/2014 15:09

My friend had twins 6 months ago, and since then I've barely seen her (she lives in a different city 1.5 hours away). Tomorrow a few friends and I are going round to hers with lunch (we're bringing it from M&S, so no prep involved for her, or clearing away, which we will be sure to do).

She's really knackered as the babies don't sleep well, and I'm worried about us all descending on her, but we offered to take her out for lunch and she suggested this instead.

We want to take her a gift, but don't know what to buy a chronically sleep-deprived first-time mum, since they don't seem to stock a good night's sleep in HoF or John Lewis - any ideas?

Thanks in advance, we are totally clueless and don't want to bring something she'll never use or will hate!

OP posts:
Echocave · 14/02/2014 18:10

An afternoon off in a quiet room with a very comfy bed.

TickerSpecs · 14/02/2014 18:21

As a Mum of twins I would stay take her some decent coffee, some udderly smooth hand cream (you can get it in boots or superdrug and it's just magic), lots of chocolate (great big slabs of it) and some easy food (though fresh pasta things with a separate pot of sauce). Baby wipes & nappies (check which brand she likes) are always great if you don't have to lug them home yourself.

Taking the twins out is a nice idea and letting her sleep is a nice idea but it might be better to just say to her you'll stay downstairs with them and let her go to bed, she might not be comfortable someone taking them out that they aren't used to. Especially not if she is bf.

Yes to cleaning the bathroom and/or kitchen.

Beanymonster · 14/02/2014 18:21

Deffo meals for the freezer, and home pampering bits, because she will never have time to use a voucher for somewhere! But will still make her feel special!

TickerSpecs · 14/02/2014 18:22

*say not stay.

vestandknickers · 14/02/2014 18:30

As the Mum of twins I's definitely agree with a some ready cooked meals and a bottle of wine. Nice hand cream too as you wash your hands about a million times a day when they're little.

I would have been mortified if anyone offered to clean my house - even though it could probably have done with it!

I should think she'll just want to show off her lovely babies and enjoy some adult chat. Don't over think it!

underachievingmum · 14/02/2014 18:55

Don't have twins but have 3 DC - youngest 5 months.

Food for freezer, opportunity to sleep and cleaning if she wouldn't mind. If you do send her off to bed and can think of a way to do it without causing offence clean sheets on the bed first would be my idea of heaven!! Always seems to get pushed to the bottom of the list here..... Oh and wash the ones that come off and dry if possible (laundrette maybe?)

longingforsomesleep · 14/02/2014 19:02

When my kids were tiny my best friend's presents were often parcels containing things like: a paperback, a nice candle, some bath smellies, a small bottle of fizz and some chocs - great for a pamper evening. Or else she'd give us a 'baby sitting voucher' to be redeemed whenever we wanted.

YellowDinosaur · 14/02/2014 19:06

I cried with gratitude when ds1 was a week old and one of my friends turned up at dinner time with a pie to go in the oven.

And one of the most amazing things was done by a friend of dh's who didn't have kids. She saw how utterly broken we were from lack of sleep and offered to stay for the night and look after him in exchange for dinner. That would only work if they're bottle fed (ds1 was mix fed at that point) but if you don't know now you'll find that out when you visit...

mumminio · 14/02/2014 20:05

What a lovely friend you are! So many great suggestions, have fun and enjoy seeing the small babies.

My thoughts: Send her to bed and look after the babies in her home (unless she says she's ok with them going for a walk), bring freezer food plus something easy like a fresh salad which can keep in the fridge for a couple of days and she can just munch on whenever. I'd stay away from spa vouchers and promises of babysitting, as they probably won't get used.

Love the suggestion of supermarket delivery vouchers...I'll do that for myself next time we have a baby!

Catsize · 15/02/2014 05:07

Check she has room in the freezer!

FreeButtonBee · 15/02/2014 05:49

Freezer food, definitely.

Take then out for a walk if she is happy for you to do so (might take two, twin wrangling is a tricky business) and let her sleep/sit down/have an uninterrupted shower.

TBH mine are a year and I'd still kill for a few hours in the afternoon

Bogglescrabblechess · 15/02/2014 07:44

Clean her house, bring freezer food, chat with her and take the baby while she sleeps

Mimishimi · 15/02/2014 08:44

Vouchers for her to redeem an evening of babysitting from each of you ...

woollytights · 15/02/2014 11:34

Some of these are possibly a bit OTT! I dont have twins but I do have a six month old. When friends visit I actually want to see them, not be sent off to bed and have them all cleaning my house. Id feel a bit patronised. There isnt any room in the freezer either.

I think some nice loungewear or pyjamas would make a good present though. And babysitting vouchers is a good idea. Though I personally wouldnt leave my baby with a friend he isnt used to.

QueenofKelsingra · 15/02/2014 11:50

woolley the dynamic is very different when its twins to a singleton. you are much happier for any tom dick or harry good friend to take baby for a walk or have them for an hour or so.

there is also twice the night wakings - I'm not trying to start a 'I'm more tired than you' thing but I would often only be getting 15mins at a time between feeds and sleep was the one thing I desperately needed.

the cleaning the house thing is possibly going to be taken the wrong way but a dear friend of mine folded a huge pile of laundry for me when she visited while I was feeding my DTs and I loved her so much for that.

with one you can always sling even the clingiest baby and get on with daily tasks. just not possible with 2 clingy babies.

Idocrazythings · 15/02/2014 11:57

What about when you are there, one of you take her out and buy her a new pillow of her choice, and the others watch the babies. They are quite personal so you couldn't just get one and if you gave a voucher she may not get the chance to get one herself?

My pillow is crap causes me neck pain etc so a new ive would be lovely. And even though they are worth spending the money you do feel reluctant to.

1stMrsF · 15/02/2014 12:08

Mum of twins here. I HATE spa vouchers. I can't make the time to go, I don't want to hoist my twin ruined body onto a massage table and it hurts my back to lie on it for a facial. But I loved it when people took the babies out for a walk so I could have a rest, and food in the freezer is a life saver. You don't need to worry about space if you just bring one or two dishes as they can always be eaten in the next few days if necessary. There will also be LOADS of washing so offer to fold some while you are there. What lovely friends you are, I hope you enjoy your visit.

vestandknickers · 15/02/2014 17:31

Well said woolly! When my twins were babies the thing I craved most was a bit of adult company and a laugh with my mates. I would have hated being packed off to bed!

Mandy21 · 15/02/2014 19:45

what queen said, I think unless you've been on the end of the sleep deprivation that 6 month old twins bring, and the inability to do pretty much anything other than care for them, its hard to understand exactly how different twins are. But I get that everyone is different and I don't anyone is saying don't see your friends, they're saying just accept the help for a while and get some precious time to do whatever you want Smile

redexpat · 15/02/2014 21:48

Clean one room each while you're there.
Take one meal each for the feezer.

ImMarmite · 15/02/2014 22:02

Is be mortified if someone offered to clean my house. I'd quite like some food bringing but I think I'd most like to show off my babies, have a nice cuppa made for me & eat some yummy homemade cakes....

Nice pj's from boux ave would be nice to "relax" in

GiniCooper · 15/02/2014 22:12

Massive yes to food. Lots of it.
Meals are a god send.
Also I was going to suggest a massive blanket, I see someone else had the same idea too.
The insulated cup a really nice one.

I wouldn't have gone to bed if I had visitors. I'd have loved to be told sit and let us coo at you and your gorgeous babies while we eat and clean up.

Lovely ideas here.
Makes me remember who was there for us when I was the wrecked, shattered lady with the lovely babies :)

Original poster
SybilRamkin · 15/02/2014 23:07

Well, I brought home-made chili con carne and a goats cheese and red onion tart, plus a box of macarons from Patisserie Valerie. She seemed very pleased. Another friend brought a home-made cake. The babies were utterly adorable, so lovely and snuggly and sweet-smelling!

Have offered babysitting, although not sure she'll trust a childless friend with her PFBs!

OP posts:
Original poster
SybilRamkin · 15/02/2014 23:07

Thanks to all for your wonderful suggestions, I'd have ended up buying flowers or something otherwise, which the babies would probably have tried to eat!

OP posts:
SoftSheen · 15/02/2014 23:11

A voucher for Costa, Starbucks or her local coffee shop of choice. Coffee and cake always makes sleep deprivation that little bit easier to cope with.

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