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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be abit sad hadly anyone was interested

17 replies

coolcookie · 13/02/2014 23:18

So my dad passed away 10 years ago yesterday. I posted on facebook (I know) that I was missing,/thinking about him yesterday. I had one response.

Now I know some people find things like this uncomfortable but surely friends or relatives could respond in rl. I did txt my siblings to check they were ok and they did reply but not even dh showed any interest.
Yet all around me I see other posting and they get lots of responses. Me included. It is especially hurtful when mutal friends post luvvy dovey huggy posts on other mutual friends. Posts and ignore or I guessmaybedon't see my post.
I will strp away from facebokk and remember quietly mum's anniversary in two weeks time.
Aibu to be abit sad or disappointed. Especially with dh.

OP posts:

Original poster

coolcookie · 13/02/2014 23:19

Sorry for typos.

OP posts:

WaffilyVersatile · 13/02/2014 23:21

I am so sorry. YANBU but perhaps they simply didn't see it? I know some peoples posts I rarely see on my newsfeed x

piratecat · 13/02/2014 23:21

bless you. i am sorry it's a hard time for you.

xxx

FoxesRevenge · 13/02/2014 23:21

Yesterday was a mad day re weather, I think most people were preoccupied to be honest. I check facebook daily, yesterday I was too busy making sure me and the family were safe. FB was not on my mind.

I think you just got people on a bad day.

ajandjjmum · 13/02/2014 23:22

I'm sorry. It will be 11 years next month since my Dad died, and I often feel tearful thinking about him - and the milestones he's missed. People don't know what to say though - although it wouldn't have hurt your friends to offer a word of understanding.

BlackeyedSusan · 13/02/2014 23:23

anniversaries are always tough.

iggymama · 13/02/2014 23:26

I am sorry you have two sad anniversaries so close together. Sometimes on Facebook people don't know what to say so say nothing making it look like they don't care.

I hope amidst your sadness you will also have a few moments remembering fond memories and even funny stories. Sometimes I smile when something happens and I can almost hear my nan coming out with one her sayings. I miss her so much, but treasure my memories as I am sure you do too.

Take care and set aside some time for yourself on your sad days.

iggymama · 13/02/2014 23:27

I am sorry you have two sad anniversaries so close together. Sometimes on Facebook people don't know what to say so say nothing making it look like they don't care.

Take care and set aside some time for yourself on your sad days.

furlinedsheepskinjacket · 13/02/2014 23:30

sending a hug

its an anniversary here too today x

its just a facebook thing don't read too much into it

Innogen · 13/02/2014 23:38

Sorry for your loss, but Facebook isn't the place for this kind of thing. I find it very uncomfortable myself.

waterlego6064 · 13/02/2014 23:38

Oh, I'm sad to read this. I can imagine this feels very hurtful and lonely.

YANBU to be disappointed, especially with your DH. It's not clear from your post but probably a stupid question- did your DH definitely know that yesterday was the anniversary? I'm only asking because, although my DH has been wonderfully supportive to me in my bereavement of my parents, I very much doubt he would remember the actual dates of their deaths.

It does hurt to have to acknowledge that a very special, wonderful person is not as important to everyone else as they are to you. But your dad was important, and he still is.

I hope you see able to do something nice to remember your mum when her anniversary arrives. Do you think it would help to remind your DH in advance? To let him know that the day is important to you? Perhaps if he is given a heads-up, he might be able to support you better on the day.

Wishing you gentle days.

KittensoftPuppydog · 13/02/2014 23:46

Some people just don't think in terms of anniversaries. You just made me realise that it was the anniversary of my mums death last month. I do think about her every day though.

expatinscotland · 13/02/2014 23:46

Aw. This is so painful. I'm sorry.xxx

brokenhearted55a · 13/02/2014 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zipzap · 14/02/2014 00:06

I think people often don't know what to say in these circumstances. And to type something that makes it even harder as it's there stuck for ever (ish!) rather than being words that have floated away on the wind just leaving a feeling behind.

Also - it's not the sort of post that people would want to 'Like' - because then you might think that I like the fact that your dad died which obviously I don't, or like the fact that you're sad and so on. It needs a 'thinking of you and sending you a hug' sort of button but obviously as they don't have one, people think that they'll let everybody else figure out what to say and post something later, then get distracted and never do, then there's nothing else so nobody else want to be the first to post - and you end up with very little feedback. And that's without the complications of the storm yesterday.

It is hard - give yourself time to remember and honour your parents, regardless of how other people treat you. It's important for you to be able to reflect on your memories and the dreams that died when they did.

Topaz25 · 14/02/2014 00:15

Sorry for your loss . Maybe people just didn't see or know what to say. Some people also don't want to 'like' a negative status, Facebook is thinking of creating a sympathise button that would be better for these situations.

daisychain01 · 14/02/2014 03:22

Losing your loved one is hard every day of the year. Fb is pretty pants (doing a 'like' on a sad post looks weird). If possible, reflect on really positive times from the past, rather than getting too sad about the actual day of losing your DDad, that was only 1 day, remember him at his best.

Hugs xxx

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