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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to invite all of daughters new nursery class for her birthday?

53 replies

Slightlyneuroricnat · 13/02/2014 22:16

Thinking of possibly godstone farm if any of you have been to one there?
Looking for other peoples experiences!
Will have about 30 kids if we go with plan above for my daughters 4th birthday party and stuck on ideas :(

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FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 14/02/2014 09:57

We did this. They all said yes! It was a bit manic, and very expensive (and that was a cheap church hall and doing at all ourselves), but my dd had a great time and it has definitely helped me get to know the other parents, which I think is important.

The school are mixing up the nursery classes next year in reception so we might throw another large party for that reason, but after that I will tone it down.

One thing I would say, I wish I had gone for one of the organised, priced per head parties. They look expensive, but I massively underestimated what doing it myself would cost and ended up spending twice as much.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 14/02/2014 09:58

Oh, and the parents all stayed at my dds party, no question about it.

Homebirthquestion · 14/02/2014 10:01

We did bocketts farm and about 10/12 friends for dd. it was good but only because I had a strict plan for what we were doing when. For just ten children and their parents it wa very expensive. About £250 with a few extras iirc. If I hadn't been eight months pregnant with no kitchen I'd organise something at home!

The bit they enjoyed the most was the play park though but moving from one place to another or getting out of soft play was like herding goats. At that size other parents will split off with the ones they know so you might not see much of them anyway.

Even with that many children she'd have been happier with fewer I think.

Original poster
Slightlyneuroricnat · 14/02/2014 19:06

We've booked a nice soft play venue today :)
It's large enough for up to 50 and it's exclusive use between 430 and 630 so opted for the Sunday as guessed more people may come as unless you drive it's a nightmare to get to so am hoping people from the nursery have a car in the family!
Was a little unsure of whether to book it for the weekend that leads into half term as nobody would have school the next day but worried people may go away so thought better not.
Right decision?! Hope so

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Original poster
Slightlyneuroricnat · 14/02/2014 19:08

We've booked a nice soft play venue today :)
It's large enough for up to 50 and it's exclusive use between 430 and 630 so opted for the Sunday as guessed more people may come as unless you drive it's a nightmare to get to so am hoping people from the nursery have a car in the family!
Was a little unsure of whether to book it for the weekend that leads into half term as nobody would have school the next day but worried people may go away so thought better not.
Right decision?! Hope so

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MacademiaNut · 14/02/2014 19:11

I think that's lovely if you can afford to do that. My 3.5yr old has been in nursery since Sept and hasn't had a single invite to a party Hmm. I'm assuming that no one is having invite the whole class parties. She is not close at all to having a few good friends there...Her birthday isn't until the summer but I have no clue what to do.

starlight1234 · 14/02/2014 19:24

Hope she enjoys it... My DS is in year 2 and this is the first year I felt he could choose a close circle of friends...Last year his last had about 25 ( which was difficult to cut it down to) this year 12 which was easy...

DIYapprentice · 14/02/2014 19:39

I'm sorry, but that's a rotten time for a 4 year old's party!!! I recently took my 6 year old to a party at that exact time, only booked because the Monday was an inset day at the school, and he was shattered the next day.

I hope you don't get many no shows, especially as they don't know you and won't feel any obligation.

DIYapprentice · 14/02/2014 19:40

Oh and the party was also a soft play.

Original poster
Slightlyneuroricnat · 14/02/2014 19:43

Unfortunately that's the only time they offer exclusive parties which is would have to be if there is going to be a good few kids.
I was originally going to book it for the Sunday leading into the holidays but I thought lots of people may go away for the half term break?
Lots of other venues had far worse times, such as 9-1045am or 630-830pm!
I personally didn't think that time was bad at all, gives people plenty of family time on the Sunday as they wouldn't need to leave home until 4 and will be home again by 730 latest for bedtime.
Can't see the big deal, am I missing something?

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Original poster
Slightlyneuroricnat · 15/02/2014 08:20

So would I be better off going for the Sunday that leads into the half term if the time is going to be a problem for people?

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1stMrsF · 15/02/2014 08:26

My 4yos are usually in bed by 7pm. I'd be OK with the party at that time if there was no school next day, but not sure I'd be very thrilled with it on a school night. Which soft play is it? We are nearby.

BerniceBroadside · 15/02/2014 08:28

I would definitely swap it to the Sunday leading into half term. I would expect either a lot of people not to come or to leave early. Quite a few four year olds I know are in bed between half six and seven on school nights.

Does it have to be exclusive use? It's unlikely you'll have 30 kids turn up.

Original poster
Slightlyneuroricnat · 15/02/2014 08:49

1st,
Leatherhead lesions centre :)
Bernice,
It's only an extra £50 to have it exclusively and we went yesterday just to see what it was like and it was absolutely heaving so with an extra 20 kids say it would be ridiculously busy and there's only a certain amount of cars to drive / footballs in the football pitch etc.
I think I will call them and change it to the Sunday that leaves into the half term, I only didn't go for this one originally as thought people may go away for it but better to lose a few people who have gone away than lots of people who think what a stupid time for a kids party when thu have nursery the next day!

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lljkk · 15/02/2014 08:53

I think after 5 weeks you could narrow it down with staff advice. & 2 weeks is enough notice to give out invites. I wouldn't invite all 30. No way.

BerniceBroadside · 15/02/2014 08:56

I would also anticipate having quite a few parents ask if it's ok if little Jonny also comes along. Make a decision now if that's ok, especially if you have to pay for extra food and party bags, and stick to it. People will try and guilt you into having the whole family if you aren't paying per head for the venue.

I hate being put in this position.

Original poster
Slightlyneuroricnat · 15/02/2014 09:09

The nursery class is a class of 20 and she has 10 friends outside we will be inviting and another 5 family wise so will be 15 if none come and 35 if they all come!
Food is an extra £5 a head so I wasn't planning on having siblings being paid for!
It's weird isn't it as if my eldest starts nursery and is invited I a party and my husband is Working so I need to bring my youngest too the first thing I would do is ask if this is okay but obviously say I'll pay for her food myself.
Is this not what happens??

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BerniceBroadside · 15/02/2014 09:17

No, some people are arseholes and just assume it's ok to bring siblings, don't offer to pay and expect a party bag.

Even if they do offer to pay it can be tricky number wise.

Jinty64 · 15/02/2014 09:31

I think exclusive use is a great idea. We had ds3's 6th birthday party at soft play (24 children) and it was great but exclusive use would have been better. 4:30-6:30 would not have been be too late for any of mine.

Do you have to give final numbers before the day. If not you could put on the invitations that siblings would be welcome if parents are staying with their child (as you don't want them leaving invitee + 4 siblings) but will be £5 each.

Original poster
Slightlyneuroricnat · 15/02/2014 09:39

Don't need final numbers until a week before.
She doesn't start nursery until September and party will be end of October so was gonna send out invite first week of October and ask for a reply by the end of the 2nd week.
I don't think parents would be dropping them off surely as they won't know me very well other than at the school gate!
And the venue is a half hour drive from home so wouldn't be worth the drive back just to collect again!
I will put on there please let me know if you will be bringing a sibling and food can be either a cold tea for £3 or hot tea for £5 :)
Does that sound really tight?

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LadyCelia · 15/02/2014 09:59

I thought you were talking about this half term! Not October - do things really need to be booked that far in advance? Wouldn't it be better to wait until your daughter starts nursery, & see then if she makes some special friends, or if there are a few parents you might get to know from drop off time and you can ask their children? It might cut down the cost & numbers for you!

I have to admit, if my DS was asked to a party like this in the first term of nursery, I would have said no (soft play being the seventh circle of hell as far as we are concerned, especially with so many children being invited).

BerniceBroadside · 15/02/2014 10:13

I also thought it was closer.

I wouldn't mention siblings on the invitation unless you're planning on giving them party bags. God knows how many extras you'll end up with as £3 is a bargain.

Original poster
Slightlyneuroricnat · 15/02/2014 10:15

Yep it was booked already through to August!
So did really need to be booked.
Even if none on the nursery kids come at all, we would still do it for the friends she has now and family members so not totally reliant on that.
That's a shame you wouldn't go, soft play parties are ideal I think up until about 5 and when it's exclusive it's never going to be unbearably busy.
I do lots of things I don't particularly want to so the kids can have a nice time so to me this would be the same!

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Original poster
Slightlyneuroricnat · 15/02/2014 10:17

Yes it was £10 a child for the first 15 which we already have without nursery children and then £3 thereafter and all adults are free so thought it was very good really!

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1stMrsF · 15/02/2014 11:13

I've not been there myself, but it all sounds great from what you've said and soft play is a total winner at this age. I would be with you on the siblings - say upfront that its ok to bring them but they will not be catered for and parents must stay. I am sure you will get loads of them, but if the venue can accommodate and it's not costing you extra, then that should be ok and you are more likely to be able to meet parents which will be good for you too.