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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a little bit annoyed with new neighbours

114 replies

PeriodFeatures · 13/02/2014 19:46

We live in a semi. The house next door was recently brought and the couple are working on it.

About 4 weeks ago at about 7pm it sounded like they were hammering skirting board and drilling walls. Really noisy for ages.

I popped round and ever so nicely asked how long they were going to be, said we were trying to settle baby. They were very apologetic and decent and I wished them well with the work etc.

A couple of weeks ago a man, i assume it was the father of one of the couple popped around to tell us he would be drilling until 7pm. I said thank you for letting us know, he looked really stressed.

A few days before this a storm tore through the gardens ripping down fence between our gardens. We put a note through their letter box saying that we'd cleaned up mess but not sure who is responsible for the fence, perhaps they could look at their deeds and we'd have a look at ours. Happy to go halves. No mention of this by stressed man!

We have now replaced fencing having had no response from neighbours. Monday an abandoned sink was left in front of our house on pavement. Sheepish builder came and removed it

T9onight more drilling until about 15 mins ago. DD woke up crying.

AIBU to be annoyed? Do I sound like an arse? I get they are probably stressed and busy but is it reasonable to be doing noisy diy until 7.30pm on a weeknight? Not to respond to note about damaged fence?

OP posts:
Blu · 13/02/2014 20:50

Oh, dear, we live in a semi and DS is playing his electric guitar...

Look, it is inconvenient when someone is doing DIY but if it is the only time they can do it, it isn't really that unreasonable t be DIYing at this hour. And it isn't unreasonable for workmen to temporarily leave a sink on the pavement outside your house. It isn't your pavement.

And have you checked your deeds? If the fence is your responsibility, maybe they don't feel the need to come and talk about it?

Chill out a bit, have some patience and chat nicely.

Itsaboatjack · 13/02/2014 20:51

They can make as much noise as they want until 10pm.

Can they? ?e recently had a building site next door to us and council regs said they were allowed to do noisy works 8am-10am, 12-2pm and 4pm-6pm mon- frim and i think 8-12 on Saturday.

bodygoingsouth · 13/02/2014 20:53

being a good neighbour is live and let live and give and take.

nothing these neighbours have done warranted you posting them notes to check their deeds( check yours) or your popping around.

8 pm is early.

sorry op I think you need to relax or you will be doing your head in if we have a long hot summer.

things will get a lot noisier then.

the world does not stop because you have a baby.

I do understand of course we have all been there but it's your problem not theirs.

peggyundercrackers · 13/02/2014 20:55

YABU - I think it's ok to be making noise til 9pm. Our council says it's fine between hours of 8am - 9pm... I feel for you trying to settle a baby at 7ish but I don't think they are doing anything wrong.

Our council will only send someone out if noise is after 11pm and they will tell them to stop, between 9 & 11 they don't seem to mind so much and won't send anyone out. We had to get someone out to old neighbours for this but you could hear their music 1/4mile away...

Original poster
PeriodFeatures · 13/02/2014 20:56

Why ask them to check theirs

As ours wasn't clear!

I really don't want to be a nightmare neighbour but at the same time why on earth should we have to pick up the tab for fencing!! Seriously?

It's no biggie actually. They seem nice so i'm no that bothered. We just panicked at the cost and wanted to speak to neighbours. I'd pop round to next door if storm had damaged both our gardens and shared fencing rather than just leave it!! Maybe I'm a bit uppity. Maybe I should just have left it strewn everywhere...

OP posts:
BrokenToeOuch · 13/02/2014 20:56

Sorry, we have a family and are joined on to another family. We both make noise. We make allowances. Our DC are all in bed at 8pm, theirs stay up until after 10pm, screaming (they are 9 and 10 year old boys and actually scream like 17yo teenage girls), wrestling, shouting at their parents, the works. I have never said anything to them - it's maintaining a harmonious living environment.

Their fence panels also blew down in the wind. Over a year ago. We are building an extension in the back garden and have agreed with the neighbours to go halves with them on a decent 6ft fence as their previous one was 5ft and crappy. We have inconvenienced them with our building work at times, I'm sure.

Just remember, your DD will grow up to be bigger, noisier and possibly an irritant to your neighbours too. Give and take. YANBU to be a little bit annoyed with them at the inconvenience to you, but YWBU to have words about it unless they are still drilling at 10pm I'd say. Sorry!

AnnabelleLee · 13/02/2014 20:57

You BOUGHT the fencing. They BOUGHT the house. BROUGHT is another word entirely.

YAtotallyBU. 7.30 on thursday is not an antisocial time to be doing a bit of DIY. As for the poster who suggested you call the police....there are no words for such stupidity.

bochead · 13/02/2014 21:01

You can buy ear defenders on amazon for babies. They are a good investment if your child is super sensitive to noise (some people are). Edz is a good brand (well my son likes em!).

Over the next year or so, builders and DIYers are gonna be at it up and down the country following these recent storms. I think a lot of us will have to learn to be a bit tolerant.

I personally think you've jumped the gun a bit with the fence, the ground is too boggy for sinking concrete posts right now, and most people will be just making things safe for the time being. They'll do permanent repairs to things like fences once the last of the storms is over as there is another one predicted for Friday. No point replacing panels just to watch them blow away again before the month is out!

Sorry but 7.30-8pm isn't too late for something that isn't permanent. It's only till they've finished their renovations. You need to retain some good will for middle of the night teething howls, balls over the garden fence and teenage tantrums.

Janethegirl · 13/02/2014 21:02

The op is really lucky, we've been doing DIY until well after 9pm over the past 5 years. Ok it's been very much on and off but our neighbours have never complained. However the ndn is often moving v early in the morning and we can hear him moving furniture, vacuuming etc. You just need some give and take. We always warn them if we are doing anything extra noisy like having a party.

HRMumness · 13/02/2014 21:03

We've done work until 10pm but try not to do anything too loud at night. The people on both sides of our terrace are retired, we have a small child. She will sleep through most things now. We've always told them if we are disturbing them they only have to let us know and we will stop. However they know that we don't have any family nearby and our only chance to work is evenings / weekends.

I think you should go and talk to them, they might have a good reason for working so late / not responding about the fence. Tolerating the noise now might be in favour later.

McFox · 13/02/2014 21:05

I can't believe that done people are saying no noise after 6/7pm!! Do you all expect your neighbours to sit in silence to accommodate your control freakery? My DH and I don't get home from work until 7.30pm, if we didn't do any housework then nothing would ever get done.

andadietcoke · 13/02/2014 21:06

I sympathise. Two weeks after we brought our DTs home in September our new neighbours started work. They've effectively gutted their house and have done it 'on the cheap' (their words) so have people working evenings and weekends to supplement their day to day jobs as well as retired men working all day. We've had drilling all hours, cutting through metal drainpipes at 7am on a Sunday, scaffolding going up at 9pm at night outside the babies' bedroom.

The way I see it, the noisier they are, the less bad I feel about the babies screaming at night. Plus we have to live next door to them for the foreseeable future, and a little goodwill with neighbours goes a long way. Both babies have slept through it all - it's disturbed me more than them!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/02/2014 21:07

The rule with fences is that they belong to the side which has the batons etc on the back.

WeAllHaveWings · 13/02/2014 21:08

DIY up to 9pm ish is ok in my book, but nothing wrong with politely mentioning if baby is being kept awake and then hoping for some consideration.

You really shouldn't have fixed their fence without checking first, asking for payment without having their consent to organise the work and their agreement to pick up the tab is very unreasonable.

Pinkje · 13/02/2014 21:08

Maybe your note about the fence got trodden underfoot - you know, if they are doing diy there's bound to be a lot of mess so perhaps it got mistaken for rubbish.

Serenitysutton · 13/02/2014 21:08

It'saboatjack- commercial building sites of have noise restrictions which coming with their planning permissions and licenses. What you do in your own home is different

honeybunny14 · 13/02/2014 21:08

I think ybvu

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 13/02/2014 21:11

Please don't call 101, it's a police number and this is so not a police matter.

I'd strongly recommend that you try and speak one to one with the neighbours. When you're trying to get a baby or children to sleep it really is the focus of your evening. When you're working full time and trying to renovate a house after you finish, then time is precious but in a totally different way.

Council noise guidelines usually say something like 10 or 11pm and if you can't cope with that then you need a detached house, otherwise it's got to be give and take for all kinds of situations.

At times we've been the neighbours with a baby bawling its lungs out at 2am and the last thing we needed was complaints from next door. By the same token we had a neighbour who thought she had a quiet washing machine on at 11.30pm but I can tell you that as quiet as it might have been in her house it shook our bedroom walls when it was spinning Hmm Not good when you had a 04.30am start Sad

As I type, after 9pm there's heavy machinery working in our road with banging and clanging and reversing alarms and floodlights, but it's just part of what has to happen right now, so we're getting on with it.

I think talking to your neighbours, even if it means another note through their door saying please call us on this number, is going to make for a better relationship from here in. Hopefully it can all be amicable.

WooWooOwl · 13/02/2014 21:11

but at the same time why on earth should we have to pick up the tab for fencing!! Seriously?

You should pick up the tab for the fencing because you are the one that wanted it there ASAP, while knowing that it's fairly likely there going to be more bad weather. You chose the fencing, and you decided to take action on getting fencing before you had agreed anything with the neighbours.

The fact that they haven't responded to a note within two weeks doesn't give you the right to spend their money for them.

clam · 13/02/2014 21:15

"The rule with fences is that they belong to the side which has the batons etc on the back."

Not true. It's often the case, but doesn't have to be. Likewise, it's a commonly-held misperception that it's the left-hand boundary that belongs to you. That's not necessarily the case either.

Original poster
PeriodFeatures · 13/02/2014 21:15

You really shouldn't have fixed their fence without checking first, asking for payment without having their consent to organise the work and their agreement to pick up the tab is very unreasonable

Wings we did!! That's why we put the note through the door. Because we had no response after 2 weeks we went ahead and fixed the fences! And we havent and wont ask for any money!! Basically our thinking was that they are probably stressed out of their heads with work to do it is not a priority! Fair enough!!

I guess i'm just used to living in rural communities where people speak to each other a bit about stuff.

OP posts:
ReginaldBlinker · 13/02/2014 21:27

You can't expect that they have the same attitude as you though, OP. From their point of view, they've just moved into this lovely new house, they're putting their own touch on it/making it liveable/doing whatever they damn well please to their own house, and they've already had it in the ear about their construction noise, and as far as they know, the fence could have been completely rotten, and you're just waiting for them to chip in so you don't have to foot the bill yourself (not saying that's the case, just playing devil's advocate).

Original poster
PeriodFeatures · 13/02/2014 21:30

Annabelle Thank you for the grammar lesson. Really!

I know in the scheme of things this is very minor and I'm not that bothered.

I just don't know how to behave in this strange urban environemt where people don't speak to each other even when a storm batters through our gardens breaking our things and it needs sorting! Or people just go right ahead and fucking power tool for hours against walls in the early evening!!

Personally, I would just take the opportunity to say hi, we are having a bit of work done, I hope we don't disturb you too much or, hey, I have noticed a fucking storm has rampaged through our gardens and trashed our fences. Nghtmare, let's get this sorted!

God, i'm really so much more annoyed since posting this on AIBU!!

And yes, I have used an excessive amount of exclamation marks.

OP posts:
LizzieVereker · 13/02/2014 21:31

I can sympathise with you if your baby is being woken, but I don't think 8 pm is too awful, and the sooner they get it done the sooner they'll finish I suppose.

I do think you've been really reasonable about the fence, OP, and as you said yourself they've probably just been up to their eyes in it with working/ moving etc, not ignoring you deliberately.

I was also thinking that I bet a lot of the DIY is being done by random FILs, Aunties, mates etc, and the couple next door might not have remembered to mention your baby.

You do sound nice though, I hope you get your peace and quiet back soon.

AnnabelleLee · 13/02/2014 21:32

Why do people bother to ask if they are unreasonable when they are totally unwilling to accept it when they are told that they are?