to have just realised that childhood bullying wasn't my fault?

[NotBrittaPieHonest]

I just had a realisation...

When I told XH about me being bullied at school, and he said that it wasn't real bullying because they never hit me, and I probably brought it on by being annoying and weird anyway.

Fuck.

Change 'bullying' for 'abuse'.

Twat.

Notbritta absolutely you weren't to blame! I have friends whose lives were really affected by bullying. I'm sorry you swapped one bully for another but glad you got out.

Huh! XH is clearly XH for a good reason. Twunt.

Glad you had your epiphany

I'm doing it regularly now - suddenly thinking 'oh! He was actually really out of order then!' and often 'wow, Mumsnet was right... I should have LTB ages ago!'

Liberating

I realised not that long ago that I dressed a particular way at school (no uniforms) so the other kids would pick on that, think Cardy with 36 different colours. So they didn't pick on me for something I couldn't change like having red hair.

Bullying/abuse is a funny(not haha) sort of thing

maybe that that is why he is your ex lovey , i was bullied all the way through high school nobody ever touched me ever, it stays with your for a long time forever in some peoples cases, you are well rid of that bully you were married too,

It's quite possible it's the childhood bullying that made me think EA was ok in a marriage.

many people don't realise they are being abused until they find the strength to leave

Britta, I had the same problem. At home more than at school - I preferred school because I was allowed to hit back - and I didn't register the EA as abuse because I wasn't being hit. Result was tolerating two terribly abusive relationships far longer than I should've.

The weird thing, I kind of did realise it was abuse. But didn't leave because I didn't think it was 'serious' enough. Or something.

The actual thing that tipped me into leaving him wasn't the abuse, or the debate about it being abuse or not. It was the realisation that people split up just cos they are unhappy. The reason for the unhappiness was less relevant.

It's only now, a year later, that I'm actually mentally unpacking what happened.