To think that you can tell an adult who was spoiled as a child a mile off?

[CrystalJelly]

I do.

They are usually highly entitled, self absorbed and think that the entire world should revolve around them. I've met many people like this in my life, but two stand out more than the others.

The first was a boss I once had who, despite being in his late 30's would throw actual temper tantrums when things didn't go his way. He would literally stomp his feet like a toddler, we all used to call him "Kevin" after Kevin the teenager from Harry Enfield because that's exactly what he was like. His Mummy and Daddy had founded the business, they'd given him a management job right out of school despite him having no experience at all. He'd never had another job and lived in a house that was in his parents garden. He had deputy manager who was far better at the job than he was and who kept the place running, but he never gave her credit for it.

The other is the daughter of family friends. Very, very spoiled growing up is now horribly entitled as a result. Can't keep a job for more than a few weeks at a time, goes through friends like hot dinners and can't keep a boyfriend for very long either. She's so high maintenance and believes everyone is jealous of her and that all men fancy her, this is because her parents have conditioned her to think this way. I actually worry about her, because if god forbid anything were to happen to her parents she'd be up shit creek without a paddle.

Don't parents who spoil their kids realise they are doing them a terrible disservice?

I wouldn't say that being an only child = spoiled, but I do think that many only children grow up, wanting to have things "their way" and find if difficult to adjust to taking other peoples "ways" into consideration.
I know plenty of people who are self absorbed and self entitled and they have siblings.

I think IrishBlood has raised a good question that shows we need to define what we mean by spoilt: not how we identify a spoilt person (the examples above show what kind of person they are), but in what way their upbringing was one of being spoilt.

Actually, I think it might be better to say they were indulged, ie not that they were given treats and/or praise (those can be good if given thoughtfully), but that they were allowed to get their own way / rarely told no / found that crying or shouting got them what they wanted.

I should have made clear in my OP that I wasn't talking about only children. The people I used as examples both have siblings.

To me someone who is spoiled has always had there every whim indulged, never had to do anything for themselves or take responsibilities for their mistakes. The girl I'm talking about never does anything wrong if you listen to her parents, nothing is ever her fault.

To think that you can tell an adult who was spoiled as a child a mile off?

Of course you can... if you are overly judgmental.

One of my cousins fits this bill perfectly . She is 36, she has never had a job, lives in her parent's second home, all bills paid for by mummy and daddy etc. Completely entitled in every respect. Doesn't see why she should work or fund her own life. Her parents are very wealthy so money no object. Her 2 siblings both hold down responsible jobs, have their own homes etc and ask for nothing from their parents. All pretty much brought up in the same way.

Tis very strange why she is so different....

Defo not only children
I am the youngest of 7 altogether and was the most spoilt of all... I used to get what I cried for from mum and dad andthey over compensated not always being around wwith never saying no.
I have finally grown out of it though ha although my dad did just buy me a pram whoop.
And I through a lil strop over not wanting to swap furniture with sister last week but apart from that I never ask for anything anymore or if I do I don't expect a yes.

Hmm I am not sure about that.IME adults mirror their parents behaviour.So a child whose parents revolved their world round theuir kids, tend to more likely to put themselves out for others .
Wheras parenst of 'hard' parents seem more meanspirited themselves.

I think it's ridiculous to stereotype only children as spoilt. People are individuals. Some are spoilt. This is not due to their lack of siblings. If it happens that they do not have brothers or sisters it is simply a coincidence. Honestly. What a stupid thing to suggest.

I remember your story KingRollo. Sorry to hear you're still having trouble with your shitty ExH and his useless parents.

My DH is an only child, of older (for the time) working class parents who fulfilled the stereotype (I'm not saying this is in any way true but there is this stereotype) of buying him everything they could afford to, whenever he asked, in order to give him the fun filled childhood they didn't have. Apparently he was at least a bit spoiled as a child, too, because aged 5 when his little cousin came along and took up his favourite auntie's time, he refused to look at the baby cousin.

His parents however were loving, kind, hard-working and self-sufficient people who also taught him how to be loving, kind and hard-working. He left school, went to work, made his way up in a career they wouldn't have been able to dream of getting into, bought his own flat (first person in his family to own property), and much later also became the first person in his family to get a degree and a better one than middle class me, the annoying sod.

I put it down to their Chapel background and him not being allowed to play out on a Sunday. He does have more of a desire to buy big toys for our DS than I do, and more of a desire to buy new stuff, but he's also good at setting boundaries, and I can see his parents in both of those.

There is something seriously wrong with an able-bodied, mentally capable adult refusing to take responsibility for their own financial and emotional wellbeing and with parents encouraging/bankrolling that behaviour.

The myth about spoilt only children is exactly that, a myth.

some of the nicest and kindest people I know are sibling less children. I think siblings can I instill a competitiveness if they are not brought up to be particularly close. ime the narcissists described in the original post are often the product of perfect family facade parents who often are a bit better off.

I don't think there's a clear relationship between being spoiled as a child and being self-centred when adult. There may be a tendency but I haven't noticed it. I know people I would consider spoiled as children who are lovely adults, as well as some who aren't so lovely. And I know adults who are pretty self-centred and entitled who definitely weren't spoiled.

It might depend on your definition of spoiled. I think we can have a bit of an attitude in this country against giving children "too much" attention that I think is often quite mean and very caught up in the idea of a social hierarchy with children on the bottom and men on top. I think this is actually more likely to lead to a sense of entitlement in adults, especially (obviously!) some men.

Only child stereotyping... [yawn]

What an interesting discussion - thanks for starting it op. I have a friend who very indulged as a child and is super lovely and others that are very entitled and uncaring of others who I suspect had a less easy time when younger. I worry I spoil my son a bit (more to do with letting him get his own way rather than buying things) and he can be bossy and upset if things don't go his way but I have lots of conversations with him about not being in charge of his friends and there has been some improvement

People who are " highly entitled, self absorbed and think that the entire world should revolve around them" are quite common in Washington DC where I grew up. I actually don't think most of them were spoiled as children. They just think the fact that they have advanced degrees or high paying jobs entitles them to be complete jerks
*I have an advanced degree myself, so don't accuse me of being bitter

THREE, that's THREE 3-4 year old threads resurrected by @atrophywife today ???

WHY!

I think there is a difference between spoiled, and spoiled rotten. My dcs are spoiled in the sense that we take them places, allow them an appropriate amount of choice/freedom, and we often buy them little things or treats here and there. On the other hand, we don't buy them obscene amounts of gifts for bday or Christmas, they have an expectation to do chores around the house, and while they do have a voice in our family, they definitely don't rule the roost!

Dammit!!!! Why didn't I check the date on this thread?!!

An acquaintance of mine is like this. She wasn't an only child but was very much the doted on one, all attention and material things given to her. She now feels the world owes her a living, that she's entitled to a good job because she thinks she's brilliant and why can't everyone see that. Doesn't feel she should work for things. Has really struggled in a job, sees herself as a big asset to her team so why should she be expected to perform as well as everyone else, why can't she have work exactly as she wants etc. Tends to rub people up the wrong way because of it.

She's recently had a run of bad luck that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and it has really really knocked her. But lots of wails of "it's not fair" haven't got her much sympathy, when she does really need some support.

THREE, that's THREE 3-4 year old threads resurrected by @atrophywife today ???

Arrrrrrgh!

I don't know that it's down to how people were brought up, but I come into contact with some of these staggeringly entitled people fairly often at work.
Whatever anyone else needs, they believe they are a special case.
I often think it must be a very comfortable way to live - never believing they have made a mistake, and always believing other people are there to sort out their messes. It's so far from my reality where I blame myself even for things that aren't my fault.