To think her someone is trying to take advantage and con my Mother?

[fruityloopy]

Mum was diagnosed with alzheimers about 6 months ago. She had been living on and off with her partner for about 5 years until he moved out again shortly after this diagnosis (back to his wife).

They had a complicated relationship as he had left his wife for her (old flames reunited by a certain website). They also lived in effect under the same roof as my Dad (they split house into 2 'flats') he was never happy with that arrangement but it suited my Mum / Dad who were incredibly amicable after they split.

Just after he moved out, my Mum / Dad agreed to sell their property at which point the ex (who still keeps up regular contact with her telling her he loves her etc etc and making constant excuses about why he's not with her - mainly medically based) decides if that happens he will move back in with Mum.

He is now trying to put money into the property (he wont admit how much but we've seen something that implies a 1/5) that we have all found for Mum and agree would be ideal for her.

We have no idea if he has the money, we have no idea if his wife know's his intentions and all in all it's all getting nasty - he's very abusive to her on the phone, wont answer our calls and the final straw was demanding she get a divorce and change her name. (yet he's not divorced)

We are well aware he is a control freak and it's not been an easy 5 years.

We don't believe he is going to leave his family again (his children wouldn't let him have contact with his grandchildren after he left and he's just re-established this) we also don't expect him (or want him) to become a carer for our Mum. But, he wont give anyone a straight answer - inc. her solicitor.

Mum has, what I would call, reasonable assets (aside from the abilty to buy the half million pound + house outright) and we can't help but think all his messing around isn't genuine and he's up to something ???

Sorry this is long winded and probably v.confusing but the gist is - are we being paranoid is he trying to take advantage of our vulnerable Mum ?

Wow I would get legal advice ASAP, I would also talk to your mum and dad. Sorry I haven't hit anything else to add but I hope someone who gas tge knowledge will

Even if he isn't, do not let this happen. Do you have Lasting Power of Attorney?

Also contact tge police and Age Uk

You need to get power of attorney for your dm. That's fairly standard when people have dementia. I would also do it fairly soon in case he decides that he will try for it. (and not let him know before you've got it). Explain to your dm (assuming she's up to it) that it is just relieving her of some of the decisions she will have to make and you will make them with her care in mind. And change her phone number/block his number.

If she has an Alzheimer's diagnosis, you should have a power of attorney, because you don't know how quickly she will deteriorate.

However, you may find it difficult to get one as under the new regulations someone will have to verify that she is mentally competent to sign the forms, and with the diagnosis, that will be in doubt. You may have to go through the Court of Protection.

Hopefully, this has already been sorted out, in which case the person(s) holding the power will be able to block any attempt to defraud your dm. It will be the attorney, not your dm, making decisions in her interest and signing the forms.

Thanks for reassurance that we aren't over reacting or being drama queens!

We've been trying to discuss POA with her but she's very resilient and determined pig headed, proud, stubborn! that there is very little wrong with her, making it very tricky. So we've yet to achieve that, and as noted we may struggle with new legislation.

We have contemplated changing numbers on phone - is that acceptable ? We've been going through the 'negotiate' route and discuss nicely with him- suggesting that it's in his, his wives and everyone's interest if we all discuss it. Of course, he was not accepting of the fact that we would visit his wife and - in his words - she needs to have nothing to do with this!

If he does this and dies then without well drawn up legal documents his wife as his next of kin would be entitled to his share of your mother's property.

Add to this he is a sleazy cheat so low moral compass for your mother' sake don't go there!