To be getting so bloody upset when really I shouldn't expect any different?

[MojitoMadness]

DD1 is in year 6, she has ASD and Dyslexia. She's in MS school. She doesn't really have any friends although she does have kids she'll play with/hang out with on the playground - all boys.

I was speaking to a mum at the school today who I haven't seen in a while (don't speak to most of them TBH as they mostly blank me), her son is in dd's class. She asked if dd was going to the year 6 leaver's party. I looked at her like this. Said I hadn't heard about it. She looked a bit embarrassed then, said it was being organised by another mum and there was a limo being booked as well. The deposit had to be paid by this Friday. She said she thought the whole of year 6 was going. She said I should ask the mum who's organising it, but really I'm not going to go ask her to invite my dd when she's blatantly been excluded!

I shouldn't really be surprised really. DD hasn't been invited to any parties or to anyone's house for tea since she was in the infants now. She's just kind of gotten on with it really. There is one boy who she would like to invite to our house for tea but I can never get to speak to his mother, she avoids me like the plague and won't even look at me.

But this, I mean they're in year 6 FGS! They're leaving soon would it have been to much bloody trouble to just include dd? How can you invite 59 kids and leave 1 out? DD doesn't know anything about it yet, but when she does I know she'll be upset and confused. I don't know when it is yet, will have to try and find out so we can plan something really fun for dd.

I was angry at first but now I'm just really upset. I've got enough going on at the moment wondering if dd is going to get in to a special school for secondary - (which the LA still haven't let me know despite the deadline being the 15th February), without this. Normally I don't let these things get to me, after 8 years of the same treatment by the same parents you kind of get used to it, but this has really bothered me.

Yeah I know ABU really, just needed somewhere to vent, as DH is out and can't do it all over FB.

So ,so sorry for you.If that's what's happened then shame on the mum.
I met my dearest friend at the school gate ,she had a son with SN and I could see others were difficult around her and he was excluded.
Don't feel upset, feel pity for them and their ignorance.

Are you sure it's the whole year group?

59 kids in one limo

this sounds so rubbish, so sorry for you and your dd :(

i think the plan of action should be to as soon as possible, so its before she hears of the party sit down and decide what super special thing you are going to do together after school on friday to mark how amazing shes done in year 6 and how proud you are of her being a big girl ready to go to senior school......... then if/ when she hears about the party she wont be able to go because you already have plans instead of she wasnt invited and was left out?

That us bloody awful. . The friend who put you wise to this should have approached the organiser on your behalf, really, since she was evidently in the loop.
Could you ask her to?

I'm guessing it's an oversight or communication problem.

I can't see why anyone would invite 59 kids and leave one out.

There's no sense in it.

I'm hoping that it's what Worra said, a genuine oversight. Surely an organiser doesn't get to decide that somebody can't go when it's for a whole year group?

I like Beanymonster's plan to make your DD unavailable if it comes down to it that she hasn't been invited on purpose.

Is there a teacher that you can speak to, OP? It all sounds a bit fluid and as pointed out, one limo, 59 kids... there must be other organisation going on because that wouldn't work.

If your DD is the only one being left out that is shameful on the organisers of this event.
I'd speak to someone at the school and ask them to find out more, I'd be too upset in your position to be able to have a calm conversation with the people involved.
Would you want your DD to go?

It sounds like a mistake. Is it a private party or a school one ?And obviously 59 children won't fit in a limo.

It could be a simple misunderstanding.

Mum A decides to book a party for her daughter and a few friends, books a limo etc to make it really special. She refers to it as a 'leaver's party' since that is what they are celebrating.

Mum B is the mum of an invitee. Her daughter comes home with an invitation to the leaver's party. Mum assumes this is an official party with everybody invited- hence mentioning it to you.

In that instance, mum A just inviting a few children, she's not Bu to not invite your daughter. And to be honest, with the limo and not one child mentioning it before now, I'm inclined to think it's a small party not a whole year one and it's mum B getting the wrong end of the stick.

Obviously I could be wrong though! In which case mum A would be extremely unreasonable and not the sort of person you want DD hanging around with anyway.

Speak to the teachers/head/ SENCO the school will have an inclusion policy and if they are made aware that your daughter has been deliberately excluded from a whole year group event they have a responsibility to act on it. I doubt they know. Even if it has been organised by parents the school still has a responsibility to your daughter to ensure she is invited. Whether i'd actually want her to go in these circumstances is another matter.

I'd ask the year 6 teacher or the head teacher if they are putting on a leavers party & let them know that your dd has been excluded

Do the school know anything about it?

I might have a quiet word with the HT who at least ought to be aware that this is going on even though it's a mum organising it. Their inclusion policies aren't working too well.

So sorry that they're so spiteful.

Limos in year 6 though !! I thought that madness was for when they left school entirely ie year 11 !

Limos in Y6, are they still doing that? A bit passe now.

Actually I've just realised how would they get 59 kids in 1 limo? No it is a private party, nothing to do with the school. The school have a leaver's disco later on in the summer. There is a chance it could just be a misunderstanding, but the impression I got from my friend was that it was the whole of year 6. Her son isn't even friends with the girl who's mum's organising it, so definitely not a small gathering of friends. I'm not actually sure about the limo? Unless they're hiring several? I don't know?

Yes I think I will start talking about something we could be doing when the party was on, (would be handy if I knew when it was).

I also thought it was a bit early to be organising a leaver's party? They don't leave till the end of July!

I hope you're right

If 59 kids are going and your DD is the only one not included, get hold of the fuckwit who is organising it and get an invite, she is yr six and you don't have to see them again. Be nice. Explain that this is just plain cruel and point out how would they feel if it was their dc, good luck and please update.

can you remind the school about the disability discrimination act?

Are you sure all 59 other kids are invited?