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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum is anxious about nothing

54 replies

monkeynuts123 · 11/02/2014 18:22

We were out with my mum for a walk and to go for tea and she was so anxious I ended up questioning my decisions as a parent. I have a 5 year old ds and an 18 month old dd, so one on a scooter and other one in buggy but my mum was so anxious about one on scooter. I let him scoot just ahead of me with me watching out the whole time for unsafe situations. He knows to stop at the road and to go slow down hill and it's a walk we've done thousands of times before but my mum was freaking out because he was on the pavement and she thinks this something that should just happen in the park. He has never bumped into anyone and always listens to me. Then I got dd out of the buggy when we were at the park and my mum started saying she couldn't cope anymore because her 'nerves were shattered'. The toddler was toddling along pottering in and out of puddles, sometimes putting his hands in puddles and stroking willing dogs and ds was on scooter having fun, but for my mum this combination of free-range kids was nerve-wracking. As if all this wasn't enough we went to a cafe and the kids moved in and out of their seats and dropped biscuits and youngest lunged for hot cups etc but to me this is all normal with young kids. We were away from other people in the cafe and the kids weren't crying or screaming or running around. Is she over anxious or am I overly liberal?

OP posts:
Redcliff · 11/02/2014 22:57

My FIL freaked out once because I let my 1.5 yo hold a fork and my mum joined in. WTF?

Fairylea · 11/02/2014 23:11

I don't agree with scooters on pavements, mainly because of the pulling out of driveways issue, especially with a younger child as they are so much shorter and outside the direct line of sight for someone reversing. I have to back out of my driveway and I am very careful to check but it always scares me as we live on a school road and kids are always darting around.

I also would not encourage my toddler to stroke dogs at the park. You just can't trust dogs (and I say that as someone who grew up with 3 lovely ones).

The rest of it is all standard stuff !

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 11/02/2014 23:13

don't agree that stroking random dogs is fine but the rest I wouldn't have an issue with. dd rides a scooter, as do many other schoolkids round here. thought it was normal!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 11/02/2014 23:18

Sounds like my in-laws. DS slipped and bumped his head in the bath once (after being told to sit down several times). No harm done, barely a bruise, not a big bump. After 2 seconds of tears he was fine and I pointed out that perhaps he should, in fact, sit down, so that he didn't bump his head again. He sat down. My FIL started crying and had to leave the room.

And oh god, the 'mind your head' any time DS goes near a table etc. Drives me insane. He's fine!

We don't stroke random dogs, but he is painfully curious about dogs and we often get dog walkers stopping for a chat and introducing their dogs. If they say it's OK for him to stroke them, then fine (he generally wont), but we would never ask.

jellybeans · 11/02/2014 23:21

I don't let mine scoot on pavements or run miles in front. Not worth the risk. So I can see your mums point. Cafe bit wouldn't bother me now the puddles. Just roads and big drops!

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 11/02/2014 23:28

hop I have relatives like that. love them to bits but grrr! how do they think i've managed to keep them safe so far?!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 11/02/2014 23:31

Oh oh oh, remembered another. DS is two. He doesn't like wearing hats or gloves, but will wear a sun hat in the summer. In winter, he will sometimes wear a hat and mittens if it is really cold. We went for a walk at new year, and it was a bit chilly. I asked DS if he wanted his hat several times, he said no and took if off when I tried to force it on him. I left it on the grounds that if he was cold, he'd wear it. There was much pearl clutching and gnashing of teeth from my in-laws. What if he gets cold? MY POOR BABY?!

Get. A. Fucking. Grip.

If he was cold, he would wear the fucking hat.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasExhausted · 11/02/2014 23:33

I'm with you op. It sounds like you made sure with the owners that their dogs were happy with children. the jumping out of chairs in the cafe probably pissed off the waitress though

Overly anxious jumpy people are really irritating, mil and fil issue a constant stream of be careful, be careful to dd. Most of it is a complete overreaction, all they have achieved is that she doesn't listen to their warnings anymore. So when they do warn her of something genuinely dangerous she assumes they are overreacting

SingMoreWhenYoureWinning · 11/02/2014 23:36

I think YABU to let a 5 year old scoot ahead of you on the pavement. A sudden hill, a reversing car in a drive way, a sudden bout of 'selective hearing' from said 5 year old (I've never yet met a 5 year old that is immune from this)...it's just asking for trouble.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 11/02/2014 23:36

it makes me wonder, how careful were they when they're dc were small? they must have literally wrapped them in cotton wool!

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 11/02/2014 23:37

OOPS. *their!!

Sillylass79 · 11/02/2014 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 11/02/2014 23:45

how do you cope silly??

rollingpastryagain · 11/02/2014 23:47

I'm with your mum OP. I am so surprised that there are not more awful tragedies; I see so many mothers allowing their little children to "play" (or cycle etc) on the pavement right next to a busy road or they allow them to wander off ahead of them. It would only take a few second for that child to run/cycle in to the road.

It makes me shudder and for the life of me I can't understand why parents think it's remotely acceptable.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 11/02/2014 23:51

i think it's perfectly acceptable to allow my 9yo to scoot on her scooter - why on earth would she run into the road? she's not allowed far ahead of me but why not just accept that parents know their children and that's why there are not more awful tragedies.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/02/2014 23:56

I'm with you op. I especial ly think the anxiety over the park is bonkers. Did she expect a 1 yr old to stay in his buggy at a park?

rollingpastryagain · 12/02/2014 00:09

Vampyre OPs child scooting along the pavement is 5 not 9

Nanny0gg · 12/02/2014 00:09

If he was cold, he would wear the fucking hat.

Not all two year-olds see the logic in that.

My DGC is one. Used to refuse to wear one - could be almost blue with cold.

I persisted. He wears it now.

Some things are worth the fight.

Ozziegirly · 12/02/2014 03:15

Both parents and ILs are obsessed with my DSs hitting their heads on tables too. Were tables in the 1950s lined with barbed wire or something? Mine have hit their heads now and then and it's like "ouch" and over and done with.

Chottie · 12/02/2014 05:21

I'm with your mum too. There is a world of difference between allowing children to explore their environment and keeping them safe. It only take a nano second for an accident to happen.

nooka · 12/02/2014 05:35

All seems completely fine to me, but I'm also a relaxed parent. My children are teenagers now and have survived mostly unharmed. I'm glad my mum was similarly relaxed! I slightly wonder if you might be inclined to intervene less when your mum is around as a sort of balance to her anxiousness?

bragmatic · 12/02/2014 05:46

I'm with you, OP. On the basis that your kids have been taught to ask first before patting dogs.

charitygirl · 12/02/2014 06:19

YANBU!

Jinty64 · 12/02/2014 07:00

I'm with your Mum. I wouldn't let ds3 (7) scoot ahead on the pavement. I wouldn't let him touch strange dogs especially not at the toddler stage. And I would insist they sat on their seats in a cafe. You only need to read Mumsnet over the last few weeks to see how many little ones have been badly burned by a simple cup of tea or similar.

Toddling loose in the park is fine.

Original poster
monkeynuts123 · 12/02/2014 07:52

Of course they are meant to sit in seats in cafe and do 90% of the time and then jump up and are reminded to sit down. They don't run around cafes under the feet of waitresses. The dog walker offered, I used my instinct and was a small stroke. Really? how else would it work? Children never stroke animals or go to cafes unless strapped down? How depressing. My 5 year ols is so confident and self assured she'll go and order her own drink in cafes and pay herself, that didn't come from being strapped down. I think people forget about the development of a childs spirit not just health and safety. And silly I've no idea how you cope with your inlaws!

OP posts: