To feel so crap

[Sparklymommy]

I am sat here and I just hate myself. I have four beautiful children who I am incredibly proud of, a husband who would move the earth for me, a mum who's support has been invaluable over the years and I feel so crap. I feel as though none of them need me. And I am useless.

I am a stay at home and have all the children at school so you'd think my house would be spotless. It isn't and I just can't find the energy to get up and do it. I actually feel that they would all be better off without me. I could just walk out the door and keep walking. I am so unhappy and I have no idea why. On the surface I have a lovely life, but it I just can't help feeling like I don't deserve it.

Have you been to the GP? You might not be well...not just mentally but physically. Go to the docs. I feel like judging you because atm I have no secure home and very little money...but I'm not feeling as bad as you are so you must need the doctor.

Right now, have a shower or a bath to make you feel better and a cup of tea. Then make an appointment.

Oh Op
You are a great mum and wife, I am sure :D I think you ought to consult your gp and discuss your feelings. Do you only feel like this since your children started school? My son isn't in school yet but I generally feel like this sometimes. My house isn't spotless either! Is there anyone who you can confide in about the way you feel? I really don't think you should try to cope with this on your own x

Oh sparkly - I hate reading posts about women feeling so low x x

Have you thought about returning to work seeing as the children are at school? Having another purpose and feeling like you are 'doing something constructive' might do wonders for your self esteem??

I'm currently signed off work during my pregnancy and have been for the last 20 weeks. I miss my job and I now feel like there is no point to my life at the moment. I sit at home most days and do nothing. When I do go out it's to either do the shopping or visit a friend etc - nothing that actually 'means' anything or is of any importance. My days just seem so pointless and wasted. I also think my home should be much tidier than it is seeing as I'm sitting in it all day, but really the only thing I find the motivation to do is put the TV on and settle down with my laptop. My life feels like it has no purpose at the moment and I know it's because I'm not at work.

It's a very strange feeling and I sympathise with you x x

hi sparkly, how long have you been feeling like this? I too have 4 kids and I know how hard and utterly draining it can be. it can be the most unrewarding task at the best of times so when your feeling low it just seems overwhelming. Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel?

Please get yourself to a doctor and explain how you've feeling. It could be a physical cause which is causing your low spirits and energy. If you are experiencing depression then you will need help to enjoy your lovely family the way you want to.

My poor husband thinks he's done something wrong. He hasn't, of course. I don't know why I feel so bad. And it's only in the last couple of weeks that I've felt like this. I would judge me too. I feel like I don't have the right to feel like this. I live my children, and my husband. But I just can't get the idea out of my head that they would be better off without me at the moment. I seem to bring the mood down in a room. I don't mean to. I just want to curl up in a ball and not wake up.

I'm teary, I'm miserable and I have no energy. I had pnd after my third child's birth, but I have no reason to be depressed now. My children are all healthy. They are all doing well at school. My husband loves me. I have so much to be thankful for and I just can't cheer up.

Third the recommendation to see your GP. Lack of energy and feeling like everyone would be better off without you are both symptoms of depression. Been there and that feeling of flatness is horrible.

There's a self assessment questionnaire on the nhs website here.
www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx

sparkly I hope you have lifted the phone and made an appointment. If your nn is anything to go by this has washed over you and caught you unawares. Sometimes it's physical, sometimes it's been building up a while but you haven't voiced it.

I will make an appointment. I just don't want to waste anyone's time. And I don't want to take anti depressants.

Cross-posted with your last message, sparky, but would like to stress that no one ever needs a reason to be depressed. It can happen at any time, and for no reason whatsoever. That longing to curl up in bed and never wake up? Yup, also a symptom of depression.

Please make an appointment with your GP. And be kind to yourself. You have nothing to feel bad or guilty for, and no one has the right to judge you.

I'm sure the flipping awful weather isn't helping your mood either.

It's not wasting anyone's time, they're professionals trained to help us.

oh sparkly please don't be so hard on yourself. Depression doesn't discriminate it can affect anyone at any time regardless of their circumstances or wealth or anything else.

From experience I would advise you to speak to either your GP or a close family member which can help massively in itself just getting it off your chest and having someone to listen.

As for anti d's they aren't the taboo they once were and can help get you through in the short term then eventually you will be able to wean yourself off them when you are feeling stronger.
I cant emphasise enough that you would not be wasting anyone's time by making an appointment. Mental health is just as important as physical health and you wouldn't not get a broken leg checked out now would you?
Ask yourself what would you say or do if one of your children came to you and told you they felt like this.....what would you do?

Straight to the GP. This is an unusual way to feel, so you feel that nobody else has ever felt like this or could possibly understand.

But.

It is a common way to feel and many of us will be familiar with your descriptions. There is no need to feel this way. Go to your GP, help is available and it doesn't have to include medication.

It's depression by the sound of it. Very debilitating but can be cured or at worst, well managed with therapy and medication.

It's like living in a perspex box. Seeing all the good things in your life and having no ability to enjoy them.

Please seek help. You are worth it and you will get better.

Hope you got an appointment Sparkly. Are you able to confide in someone in rl? Come back and post when you feel like it.

Thank you everyone. I have an appointment for tomorrow and I did the little questionnaire thingy someone posted the link to and the result points to depression. I feel a bit better today, but still not right. I keep snapping at everyone and even contemplated walking out last night. My poor kids just want to hug me and I'm pushing them away. I love them so much but I feel like I'm not doing anything right.

You can't snap out of it. It's depression, a chemical unbalance in the brain. Trust me, it gets better if you do something about it but it takes time. Be nice to yourself, perhaps gp can give you some leaflets for your dh to read to help him.