PIL presents for DD

[Balistapus]

My PIL are besotted with my 6 month old dd, which is great. However, they bring her a gift every time they come over, roughly once a month, and went a bit mad at Christmas. The problem is that I feel they're sort of pre-empting certain classic items and buying them for her before I get a chance. Eg, I always dreamt of the time I'd have a child when I would buy them their first set of building blocks, farm animal baby jigsaw, rattle, etc, and that playing with these would be special memories for us. PIL are getting them 'early' , if you like. I then feel it would be wasteful to buy my own versions so she's mainly playing with toys they've bought her and I feel like I'm having my memories robbed from me.

AIBU?

My mum is like this. If it helps, I was recently doing a (long overdue) sort out of old toys - puzzles etc. It brought back soem very happy memories, and although the puzzles/toys I had bought were in my view much more tasteful that the stuff my mum had bought(!), it did not in any way affect the memories - i had just as nice memories of the DC playing with things that my mum had bought that were much loved. Some things i cant even remember who bought them.

My mum is also very fond of buying them clothes. Unfortunately her taste is very different from mine, and now from my DDs' (they are now 9 and have their own views on what clothes are acceptable). I do tell her their favourite shops and encourage her to buy vouchers (and take them shopping there is she wants when she visits), but she does love choosing clothes and who are we to deny her that pleasure? I do allow the DDs to exchange some of them, but make sure they keep enough that my mum does not really notice (and often the fit is wrong as they are both tall relative to their build so that feels like a "proper" excuse).

I don't think YABU, OP. It's easy for posters with older children to tell you you are being ungrateful and that your feelings are unfounded, as the child wont care who bought what, However you haven't the luxury of hind-sight yet, and are perfectly entitled to look forward to, and relish the little pleasures of buying your baby's first certain 'this' or 'that'.

I can see this from both points of view as i have teens plus a new baby. I know full well that in the long term who bought what doesn't matter, but at the same time there are certain bits and pieces i have adored buying for my new baby. I have accepted some hand me down stuff from SIL through MIL which i know i would have really enjoyed buying new, but i know would have been a waste of money when a perfectly good one 2nd hand one was on offer. The cot is one of these things, plus baby bouncer, play-mat, etc. I am really really sold on the idea of buying a baby rocking horse for my new DDs first xmas though - i'd be pretty upset if someone beats me to that!

My advice would be to select a few bit that you would really really like to choose/buy/replace for your DD yourself, give yourself permission to do this and enjoy it, and don't then don't sweat the rest.

I have inlaws like this! They are just being nice...

I struggled as my mother died when I was small, so (a) it should have been her giving some of these gifts and (b) I had to find my role as a mother, without having had one for long, so a very generous mil being an uber-mother was difficult.

It does get better.
But not as simple as 'oh don't be so ungrateful' and is an ok thing for you to struggle with.

I take fluffy's point that it is easier to see this with the hindsight of older children

what you do need to do, though, is to rein these feelings in before your dd gets old enough to notice

you are the most important influence on her values: do you want her to grow up into the kind of child who says "mummy and I had fun together" or "this is very special because mummy paid such and such an amount for it"?

the other thing you will need to get used to eventually (and I agree with fluffy that it's early days yet) is that your dd is a person in her own right and she will have relationships with other people and important special moments with other people that are quite simply nothing to do with you

it doesn't take long for them to grow into individuals

enjoy the special time you have now, but with an eye to the future: when she is a spotty teenager who can't communicate with you except in growls, that relationship with grandma may just provide a breathing hole for the two of you

don't upset the apple cart now, choose your battles

I swallowed my emotions quite a few times when dc were little, because I was playing the long game- and it really is paying off now

Hmm YABU a little but might be biased as I have slightly different problem.

Would you rather they bought every piece of vtech or fisher price plastic fantastic that has a horrible talking voice? My tiny house is full of the stuff, DS has little interest in any of it and I wonder how long I have to keep it before giving it to charity.

They're going to buy her something. Maybe it's better they buy her gifts worth keeping because they may not be around when she has her own kids.

Maybe I haven't been clear as several people are suggesting that it's about which memories my child and I will share, which isn't my point. My daughter won't even remember these things.

I'm dressing my - what will be my only - child in clothes I don't like, playing with toys I don't like, in a nursery kitted out with stuff I don't particularly like so that PIL have the pleasure of seeing her with things they've got her / made for her. I feel like, because I hate waste, I'm not getting that pleasure myself of seeing her with something I've got her.

I'm the least materialistic person I know, but the couple of things I want to get for her are about the circle of life, things that meant a great deal to me growing up as a poor child. My daughter will have her own - different - items that bring back memories.

I don't want to tell PIL what they can/can't buy in advance so I'm just going to buy the things that mean a lot to me anyway.

KEEP few things, sell the rest on ebay and get what you want. put the money into her bank accont

you have every right to carry out and envisage buying things for your child, its part of the fun...

its fun i cant afford so i get my fix at baby sale and car boot..but still get my fix...

you watch her bank account growing they the pils are happy and so are you...

balista - if it means that much to you, and you can afford to do it, then go ahead and buy some of your own choice of baby's clothes, toys, equipment. i say that kindly.

you're obviously a sensitive enough soul to be fairly discrete about it, so as not to hurt your in-laws feelings. what would you like to buy specifically? you mentioned building blocks and clothes. what else?