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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

am I too strict?

52 replies

PandaFeet · 09/02/2014 18:43

I am scared I am turning into my mother. She was very strict about everything, and it led to a lot of resentment. I don't think I would ever go to her extremes, but then things are coming up now that make me wonder.

My eldest DD is 5. I have told her she can have her ears pierced in Primary 7. So around 10/11. A relatives child is 3 and has them done, now my DD is asking to have hers done again.

She has no computer games. No DS, no PSP etc. I feel that as she can't read yet she doesn't need them. I also don't let her watch any film above a U. Maybe a PG if I have watched it first and think its ok. But when we visit other peoples houses their similarly aged kids have DSs and watch 15 rated films.

I know everyone parents differently, and I should do what's right for me, but am I going to be making it more difficult for her to make friends because she's out of the loop?

OP posts:

BackforGood · 09/02/2014 18:48

She's not 'out of the loop' unless you live in a funny loop.
You will always come into contact with parents with different values from yours, but yours sound pretty normal to me.

notundermyfoof · 09/02/2014 18:49

I don't think you're too strict at all, no way would I let a 5 year old watch a 15 film

MrsKCastle · 09/02/2014 18:50

My DD is also 5. She hasn't expressed any desire to have her ears pierced, but if she did, the answer would be no. She certainly wouldn't be allowed to watch 15 rated films- not a chance. She'd have nightmares! I don't mind her playing computer games though- we have an Xbox, and she plays on this for maybe half an hour a day, plus occasional games on our phones or the kindle.

I don't think you sound strict at all. None of DD's friendswould be allowed to watch anything above a PG.

CoffeeTea103 · 09/02/2014 18:50

Yanbu and seem very sensible. She does not need any of the above. And she won't be left out of the loop, unfortunately there will always be those parents who let their kids do whatever they want and it's this sort of thing that makes you question your parenting style. Just stick with what you're doing.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 09/02/2014 18:50

Mine are now nearly 14, nearly 12, 9 and 9. We have kept to very similar rules to those you describe above.
None of them seem deprived and they all manage to find things to chat about with school friends.

I have explained to them my reasons for not allowing PSP, DS games, films certified well above their age etc. DD will be allowed to have her ears pierced the summer after Y6, because that's when I think she'll be old enough to care for pierced ears.

ElloGuvnor · 09/02/2014 18:51

Panda you sound just like me. There's a big difference between being strict and making sensible choices that are right for you and your children.
I have told my DD's they can have their ears pierced when they are able to take care of them properly themselves, I'm thinking age 11/12. On the other hand I do let them have more freedom over choosing their own clothes than I was ever allowed. Every family is different.

Caitlin17 · 09/02/2014 18:52

I agree with you re film ratings.
On pierced ears I think it looks awful on girls who are not teenagers, and even then preferably 16 and over rather than 13 and over.

BuzzardBird · 09/02/2014 18:54

This is Mumsnet, none of us are going to say you are too strict with those views. Sounds like you are doing fine. Dd is 7 and same rules apply.

Ilovexmastime · 09/02/2014 18:54

I don't think you're being too strict. At 5 my two did not have computers, DS's etc and there's no way I'd have let them watch a 15 rated film. Some of their friends have way more stuff than them, including TV's and PS3's in their bedrooms, and when my DS's moan about 'everyone' else having these things I just point out all their other friends that I know for a fact do not have them.

Doingakatereddy · 09/02/2014 18:57

Very similar rules to you in our house. The only exception is we allow DS 4 to play game apps on iPad - cbeebies, fireman Sam & French learning (now I'm just stealth boasting)

On earrings believe you should only have them when old enough to clean etc - about 10-11.

pootlebug · 09/02/2014 18:57

My eldest is nearly 6. She has only ever watched U films (and been scared enough in some to demand it is turned off, so I can't really see that watching higher ratings would achieve much). At the moment the deal is that she can have her ears pierced at 13 as that is when I managed to persuade my Mum! I really don't like earrings on young kids so can't seem me changing on that one. No computer games here as she hasn't even really worked out that PSPs and the like exist yet so I'm going to hold out as long as I can.

SpocksThirdEar · 09/02/2014 18:58

I don't think you sound too strict. None of mine had games at 5, after 7 they started getting more interested in them and we bought them. They don't watch anything over a 12, apart from my nearly 15 yo.

Only my youngest has asked about ear piercing and he was told he'd have to be 13 (he's 6 now) He has asked a couple of times and I've reminded him.

I don't even consider myself particularly strict!

OpalQuartz · 09/02/2014 18:59

No at 5 all those things are fine. Im quite lax and made similar choices to you. Only difference is mine sometimes went on cbeebies website at that age, but not playing computer games is completely fine at that age.

phantomnamechanger · 09/02/2014 19:00

do you know, this thread has just made me realise -my DDs are 14 and 12 and neither has ever asked about getting their ears pierced. Maybe they are odd? Maybe they knew I would say no.

WelshMoth · 09/02/2014 19:01

You are doing fine OP.
I think I agree with you on all counts.

Needadvice5 · 09/02/2014 19:01

I think you sound like a really good caring mum, my dd didn't have her ears pierced until she was 10.

She's now 13 and wants her belly button done because everyone else has it!!

PartPixie · 09/02/2014 19:01

YANBU. You are being very reasonable, and possibly need new friends. I can't think of any 15 rated movies that would even be remotely suitable for a 5 year old. Ear piercing is a personal choice, I don't like it on children that young, it sounds like you don't either. You are her mother, it is your choice. There will always be people who parent in a different way. There are also the care issues to consider with ear piercing.

SpocksThirdEar · 09/02/2014 19:01

I should have said that my others are 9 & 11 so that's why we have 12 films (HArry Potter mainly, as they are HP mad) and obviously with older siblings it's harder to keep things out of their way.

When the older ones were younger they were still watching U's or PG's and only CBeebies at 6.

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 09/02/2014 19:02

YANBU and you are reassuring me hugely. My DD is only 3weeks, but my biggest fear about parenting is this stuff, wanting computers/games/mobiles and being subjected to the 'but my friends do/have it' blackmail argument.
It's reassuring to know she won't be the only child to be deprived of earrings, computer games, mobiles, 15 rated films etc! Keep up the good work!

5madthings · 09/02/2014 19:03

Not too strict, mine are 14, 11, 9,5 amd 3 and i think your rules are age appropriate.

Original poster

PandaFeet · 09/02/2014 19:04

DD is desperate for a DS. We have told her she can have one when she can read well and she seems to have given up asking. But I feel bad when she's in other houses and looking longingly at the kids using their DS. I recognise that look so well, I spent my childhood watching other people have all the fun. I am torn between not wanting to have a child who is glued to a screen, and not wanting to disappoint her.

The earring thing isn't too bad now, but I know that when kids in her class have it done she will be desperate for it too.

When she comes home and says toys that her friends have (eg lego friends) I do try to get her some of those.

She's watching CBeebies atm. By 5 are other kids moved on to something else?

OP posts:

Bagoffrogs · 09/02/2014 19:10

Same rules as us. Although it's age 16 in our house for piercings (and mine are only 5 and 3!) Plenty of time for all that stuff imo. We try to retain the good old days of playing, craft etc etc. DD1 has yet to go to the cinema, bowling etc. I really struggle with the 'treat them older' mentality.

DaddyPigsMistress · 09/02/2014 19:13

My stepmum wouldnt let any of us have our ears done till we were in secondary school and we had to pay for it ourselves.
My teen tells me all his friends have iphones, cbox ones and can play 18 cert games.
I jyst say ' well aren't they lucky! They are clearly more loved than you' and refuse to listen

ApplySomePressure · 09/02/2014 19:13

I wish there were more parents like you OP. You seem sensible and switched on.

Many pupils that I teach are allowed to do whatever they like at home, which makes my job very very difficult

DrCoconut · 09/02/2014 19:18

The earrings thing, to me 5 is quite old to have them done as she is already school age which makes it more complicated. I was 2 and my mum didn't have to worry about removing them, covering them, PE etc. and I was under her control so she could look after them properly. Im really glad she did it the way she did as i would probably have been too much of a wuss to get them done later! But the rest seems fine.

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