To give these responses when my Swedish inlaws tell me how terrible reins are?

[ikeaismylocal]

Ds is a very active hooligan 13 month old. I was at a family gathering today and my dp's uncle said "it is contraversial but some blind parents use leads with their samll children!" I explained that in the UK leads (reins) are a pretty common parenting aid. My dp's uncle and aunt are blind and dp's aunt told a terrible story about how her ds was holding her hand and was spooked by a bus and ran off over a main road, she sat on the floor shouting what had happened and a passer by found her son and returned him to her, after that day they used reins, but it was clear that the family disaproved.

I said that I was thinking of getting some for ds as he is a really confident walker but he can't be trusted to not run away.

Their argument was this;

It limits your childs freedom
The alternative is sitting in the pushchair (Swedish kids stay in the pushchair until 4/5/6 I know a 7 year old who's parents push him about in a pushchair, he has no disabilities. Parents often buy a special big kids pushchair) The child being in a pushchair has no freedom, surely it is better to have limited freedom than no freedom.

leads are for dogs
Ds loves dogs, seeing a dog makes his day.

Ds will think he is a dog!
I don't believe ds has reasoning skills developed enough to think the dog has a lead, I have reins therefore I am a dog. Even if he did think like this he is just as likely to think I have brom hair, the dog has brown hair, therefore I am a dog. Ds doesn't know any of the cultural attitudes that we have about dogs.

Even if ds thinks he is a dog I have never met an adult who still thinks they are a dog because of early reins use.

It is wrong to restrin him
I pointed out that they strapped their kids into prams, highchairs, cars, kids living in cities can't be free range, it isn't safe.

Wibu I give these replies? They didn't end up convinced.

[cory]

ikea, it may be partly about area

I live in a working class/lower middle class urban area in the UK

very pleasant, but not what you might call alternative

in fact, far less alternative than the people I used to hang out with in Gothenburg

for starters, not having a car marks you out as seriously weird; the assumption will be that you must be destitute, because the idea of choosing not to drive is simply too strange to contemplate- the Swedes I know are far more open to different viewpoints in that respect

and yet public transport is perfectly adequate where I live; people accept that I can get to work and back perfectly well, they just think I'm weird for not doing what everybody else does and run a car

taking 3-4yos around in buggies is ok though- lots of people do that; as long as child clutches a bottle of squash and/or a packet of crisps at all times, you won't stand out

[nocheeseinhouse]

I haven't rtft, but we spent a few months on Sweden when mine were small. It makes me laugh how "Oh, how can you put your child on a lead?!" they are. "Well, how can you let your children run off?" TBH, I find Swedish children really quite feral!

I used a Littlelife backpack, and actually everyone in the street was complimentary, and saw it made sense. Now children are older, we get told a lot how they make so much nicer guests than Swedish children of the same age, and how polite they are. There are loads of great things for childhood we can pinch from the Swedes, but they're not perfect!

[bodygoingsouth]

cory your dm is quite right. school uniform is ducking ridiculous. I am British.

toddlers should have restricted freedom because they are well toddlers and don't understand the dangers.

op by the time you get to dc4 you really couldn't give a flying crap what any other parent from any country says. you just do your thing.

[nocheeseinhouse]

I'm not necessarily saying feral children are a bad thing, btw, and of course I'm generalising, etc etc. But it's not my choice of how to parent. It can sometimes be a shock to my Swedish friends that the Swedish way may not be considered to be the best way everywhere, though.

[foreverondiet]

They are mad! I never really got on that well with reins, but stupid arguments why not.

[ikeaismylocal]

Nocheese I often think that the Swedish kids are feral, people are amazed that my 13 month old says "ta" when he is given something. I worked with preschool aged kids before ds was born, the behavior often shocked me, it was often down right dangerous.

Freedom of choice is part of the förskola curriculum, wewent to look at a nursery where the children went on an outing a couple of times a week where the kids took it in turns to lead the class and they all just wondered around with the kids deciding if they were going to go on busses or trains or to the park or the lake. We decided against that nursery for ds.

What really amazes me is the transformation of these wild kids into the most orderly, rule following adults I have ever met. Maybe the idea of letting kids be wild in their early years is a good idea as they don't feed the need to be wild adults!

[NigellasDealer]

reins are better than being under the wheels of a car or bus though - it is so easy to be smug and judgemental - I remember i had both of mine (b/g twins who would egg each other on!) on reins at a bus station and some Greek students made a loud comment something that involved 'like dogs' - (cheeky biatch didnt think i would understand her language!)
ok so the alternatives were that, or not go out at all ....(not even a single buggy would fit on the bus back then as i recall)

[HazleNutt]

And the silly thing is that reins are actually much more comfortable for children than the alternative, holding parent's hand. They should try to walk round for a few hours, hand held high up in the air.

[diddl]

I think that reins are great!

I think that the packback ones are ridiculous-just put reins on!

(Or are the backpacks actually useable as a rucksack?)

[WestieMamma]

Swedish kids are feral? Really? You want to spend some time on the estate in Liverpool where I grew up then you'd see feral. I've found the Swedish kids on the whole to polite, well behaved and a pleasure to be around.

[MothratheMighty]

I agree Westie, more free-range than feral.

[redexpat]

Yes the backpacks are big enough for a couple of nappies and travelpack of wipes.

[Junismamma]

I am a swedish mum living in London and I think there are few "truths" about parenting that vary hugely between the two countries, like the evils of forward facing young children in pushchairs (SW), the evils of co-sleeping (UK), never wake a sleeping baby (SW) etc etc. My mum has also said similar things about reins, I haven't used them with my daughter as she is not so active and very happy to hold my hand and stay close, but I when talking about it with my mum I argued that when you live in London (an other big cities in the UK) the pavements are narrow, there are LOTS of people and LOTS of traffic. There is no special separate footpath (as there is in my swedish hometown) and generally the city is a lot let child friendly. So there is a bigger need to use the reins.

Having said that, they are a great invention, and if you feel you need to use them in the sweden, you should do so! It's your child and you need to feel confident that he is safe.

[QuickQuickSloe]

Back packs are useable as a ruck sack.

DS wears his on boats, we hold hands but the lead from the back pack is also around my wrist. He loves his bag and I can tone my stress levels down a notch knowing he won't be falling into icy water.

[hackmum]

I used reins with DD. They were the only thing that stopped her running off, though sometimes I used to try and wrestle her into a pushchair (harder than it looks from the outside).

We took DD to Australia when she was very small and used the reins a lot. Quite a few people came up to us and said "what a good idea" - so I assume that reins aren't used much in Australia.