To give these responses when my Swedish inlaws tell me how terrible reins are?

[ikeaismylocal]

Ds is a very active hooligan 13 month old. I was at a family gathering today and my dp's uncle said "it is contraversial but some blind parents use leads with their samll children!" I explained that in the UK leads (reins) are a pretty common parenting aid. My dp's uncle and aunt are blind and dp's aunt told a terrible story about how her ds was holding her hand and was spooked by a bus and ran off over a main road, she sat on the floor shouting what had happened and a passer by found her son and returned him to her, after that day they used reins, but it was clear that the family disaproved.

I said that I was thinking of getting some for ds as he is a really confident walker but he can't be trusted to not run away.

Their argument was this;

It limits your childs freedom
The alternative is sitting in the pushchair (Swedish kids stay in the pushchair until 4/5/6 I know a 7 year old who's parents push him about in a pushchair, he has no disabilities. Parents often buy a special big kids pushchair) The child being in a pushchair has no freedom, surely it is better to have limited freedom than no freedom.

leads are for dogs
Ds loves dogs, seeing a dog makes his day.

Ds will think he is a dog!
I don't believe ds has reasoning skills developed enough to think the dog has a lead, I have reins therefore I am a dog. Even if he did think like this he is just as likely to think I have brom hair, the dog has brown hair, therefore I am a dog. Ds doesn't know any of the cultural attitudes that we have about dogs.

Even if ds thinks he is a dog I have never met an adult who still thinks they are a dog because of early reins use.

It is wrong to restrin him
I pointed out that they strapped their kids into prams, highchairs, cars, kids living in cities can't be free range, it isn't safe.

Wibu I give these replies? They didn't end up convinced.

[hackmum]

I used reins with DD. They were the only thing that stopped her running off, though sometimes I used to try and wrestle her into a pushchair (harder than it looks from the outside).

We took DD to Australia when she was very small and used the reins a lot. Quite a few people came up to us and said "what a good idea" - so I assume that reins aren't used much in Australia.

[QuickQuickSloe]

Back packs are useable as a ruck sack.

DS wears his on boats, we hold hands but the lead from the back pack is also around my wrist. He loves his bag and I can tone my stress levels down a notch knowing he won't be falling into icy water.

[Junismamma]

I am a swedish mum living in London and I think there are few "truths" about parenting that vary hugely between the two countries, like the evils of forward facing young children in pushchairs (SW), the evils of co-sleeping (UK), never wake a sleeping baby (SW) etc etc. My mum has also said similar things about reins, I haven't used them with my daughter as she is not so active and very happy to hold my hand and stay close, but I when talking about it with my mum I argued that when you live in London (an other big cities in the UK) the pavements are narrow, there are LOTS of people and LOTS of traffic. There is no special separate footpath (as there is in my swedish hometown) and generally the city is a lot let child friendly. So there is a bigger need to use the reins.

Having said that, they are a great invention, and if you feel you need to use them in the sweden, you should do so! It's your child and you need to feel confident that he is safe.

[redexpat]

Yes the backpacks are big enough for a couple of nappies and travelpack of wipes.

[MothratheMighty]

I agree Westie, more free-range than feral.

[WestieMamma]

Swedish kids are feral? Really? You want to spend some time on the estate in Liverpool where I grew up then you'd see feral. I've found the Swedish kids on the whole to polite, well behaved and a pleasure to be around.

[diddl]

I think that reins are great!

I think that the packback ones are ridiculous-just put reins on!

(Or are the backpacks actually useable as a rucksack?)

[HazleNutt]

And the silly thing is that reins are actually much more comfortable for children than the alternative, holding parent's hand. They should try to walk round for a few hours, hand held high up in the air.

[NigellasDealer]

reins are better than being under the wheels of a car or bus though - it is so easy to be smug and judgemental - I remember i had both of mine (b/g twins who would egg each other on!) on reins at a bus station and some Greek students made a loud comment something that involved 'like dogs' - (cheeky biatch didnt think i would understand her language!)
ok so the alternatives were that, or not go out at all ....(not even a single buggy would fit on the bus back then as i recall)

[ikeaismylocal]

Nocheese I often think that the Swedish kids are feral, people are amazed that my 13 month old says "ta" when he is given something. I worked with preschool aged kids before ds was born, the behavior often shocked me, it was often down right dangerous.

Freedom of choice is part of the förskola curriculum, wewent to look at a nursery where the children went on an outing a couple of times a week where the kids took it in turns to lead the class and they all just wondered around with the kids deciding if they were going to go on busses or trains or to the park or the lake. We decided against that nursery for ds.

What really amazes me is the transformation of these wild kids into the most orderly, rule following adults I have ever met. Maybe the idea of letting kids be wild in their early years is a good idea as they don't feed the need to be wild adults!

[foreverondiet]

They are mad! I never really got on that well with reins, but stupid arguments why not.

[nocheeseinhouse]

I'm not necessarily saying feral children are a bad thing, btw, and of course I'm generalising, etc etc. But it's not my choice of how to parent. It can sometimes be a shock to my Swedish friends that the Swedish way may not be considered to be the best way everywhere, though.

[bodygoingsouth]

cory your dm is quite right. school uniform is ducking ridiculous. I am British.

toddlers should have restricted freedom because they are well toddlers and don't understand the dangers.

op by the time you get to dc4 you really couldn't give a flying crap what any other parent from any country says. you just do your thing.

[nocheeseinhouse]

I haven't rtft, but we spent a few months on Sweden when mine were small. It makes me laugh how "Oh, how can you put your child on a lead?!" they are. "Well, how can you let your children run off?" TBH, I find Swedish children really quite feral!

I used a Littlelife backpack, and actually everyone in the street was complimentary, and saw it made sense. Now children are older, we get told a lot how they make so much nicer guests than Swedish children of the same age, and how polite they are. There are loads of great things for childhood we can pinch from the Swedes, but they're not perfect!

[cory]

ikea, it may be partly about area

I live in a working class/lower middle class urban area in the UK

very pleasant, but not what you might call alternative

in fact, far less alternative than the people I used to hang out with in Gothenburg

for starters, not having a car marks you out as seriously weird; the assumption will be that you must be destitute, because the idea of choosing not to drive is simply too strange to contemplate- the Swedes I know are far more open to different viewpoints in that respect

and yet public transport is perfectly adequate where I live; people accept that I can get to work and back perfectly well, they just think I'm weird for not doing what everybody else does and run a car

taking 3-4yos around in buggies is ok though- lots of people do that; as long as child clutches a bottle of squash and/or a packet of crisps at all times, you won't stand out

[redexpat]

I'm across the bridge in Denmark. DS has reigns. I don't use it all the time, but if we are in teh shopping centre or walking down the road, or at the market in our village that attracts 250 000 one weekend a year. I et a lot of double takes, but they usually smile. I've never had any negative comments, only positive and I was sooo busting for a fight.

I don't know how long you've lived in Sweden, but I readched a point about a year ago of not giving a flying fuck what any danish person thinks of me. It's been SO liberating. I'm so much happier, and I'm not anymore or less excluded for it.

[ikeaismylocal]

The child in theory has to be in the pushchair, but often it's just shopping in there. I have on more than one occasion seen people get on the bus with no child at all just a pushchair! Those people are never Swedish though.

[tanukiton]

I had leads I loved them. They were powder blue with wild horses on them. I think they had been my brothers. When I was too old for them I still wanted to wear them. 'Clip clop clip clop NEIGHHHHH' down the road to the high street and the shops..... Still have the memories.... Just saying

There is a back pack monkey. it has a lead/ tail attached to it.

[TamerB]

It is a huge mistake to think you have to explain or justify, you really don't. Smile, nod, say, 'really' and ignore.

[Basketofchocolate]

I had what the shop assistant in Mothercare called 'a bolter' when I looked for reins.

An early walker is a dangerous thing -all the speed with non of the sense.

But, with reins he had far more freedom than if I'd strapped in a pushchair - only other option. He barely used a pushchair growing up - far more freedom. They were not what I wanted and did feel a little like I was walking a dog sometimes (and hated that) but he learned more quickly about road sense cos he was out there doing it instead of sitting in a pushchair.

[NoodleOodle]

And, thank you for the explanation ikea :)

[NoodleOodle]

Do they have to be in the pushchair? Or, (as my thrifty mind thinks) could you have the child in reins and your shopping in the pushchair?

[HazleNutt]

yes the reason for pushchairs is that the parents with a DC in pushchair travel free on public transport. I bet there would be a bunch of 15-year olds in pushchairs if that was the case in the UK.

[ikeaismylocal]

Yep navy blue v70, I regularly can't find the right one.

The kids here all have free school dinners noodle, when they have to have lunches for the summer school I worked at the kids had resteraunt quality food, they each had different thermos flasks with warm food in. These kids often arrived in a pushchair but then ate these really fiddly yummy lunches that you'd not usually associate with a kids lunch in the UK. I used to feel envious sat there with my sandwich!

[puffinnuffin]

We went on holiday to Italy last summer. Whilst walking round large crowded cities people were literally pointing and laughing at my DS and I as he was on reins. One old lady even came up to me and starting shouting, screaming at me whilst pointing at the reins. It was awful and really embarrasing! However I would still rather have my DS on reins than lost in a busy city.