To give these responses when my Swedish inlaws tell me how terrible reins are?

[ikeaismylocal]

Ds is a very active hooligan 13 month old. I was at a family gathering today and my dp's uncle said "it is contraversial but some blind parents use leads with their samll children!" I explained that in the UK leads (reins) are a pretty common parenting aid. My dp's uncle and aunt are blind and dp's aunt told a terrible story about how her ds was holding her hand and was spooked by a bus and ran off over a main road, she sat on the floor shouting what had happened and a passer by found her son and returned him to her, after that day they used reins, but it was clear that the family disaproved.

I said that I was thinking of getting some for ds as he is a really confident walker but he can't be trusted to not run away.

Their argument was this;

It limits your childs freedom
The alternative is sitting in the pushchair (Swedish kids stay in the pushchair until 4/5/6 I know a 7 year old who's parents push him about in a pushchair, he has no disabilities. Parents often buy a special big kids pushchair) The child being in a pushchair has no freedom, surely it is better to have limited freedom than no freedom.

leads are for dogs
Ds loves dogs, seeing a dog makes his day.

Ds will think he is a dog!
I don't believe ds has reasoning skills developed enough to think the dog has a lead, I have reins therefore I am a dog. Even if he did think like this he is just as likely to think I have brom hair, the dog has brown hair, therefore I am a dog. Ds doesn't know any of the cultural attitudes that we have about dogs.

Even if ds thinks he is a dog I have never met an adult who still thinks they are a dog because of early reins use.

It is wrong to restrin him
I pointed out that they strapped their kids into prams, highchairs, cars, kids living in cities can't be free range, it isn't safe.

Wibu I give these replies? They didn't end up convinced.

[YouTheCat]

Being in a pushchair constantly is much worse and much more restrictive anyway so they are talking nonsense.

[MothratheMighty]

Body, I was thinking of James Bulger too, DD is the same age as him, and when he was taken, the sales of reins rocketed in my area of the NW. Stores ran out.

[3littlefrogs]

There have been two sad cases recently of a toddler being seriously injured by getting onto a luggage carousel at an airport.
I have no doubt that my DC are alive because their reins prevented them from bolting into roads, under cars etc.
I remember a nightmare ferry crossing where I had to keep my 2 year old on reins the entire time. He was one of those children who had to run and climb constantly.
Essential IMO.

[Pigeonhouse]

I've not spent a great deal of time in Sweden, and then it was only Stockholm and some universities, but I was skimming a review of a book about the Nordic countries this morning, and the governing theme of the chapter on Sweden seemed to be that it was insanely conformist.

Mind you, it does sound rather than like the conversations I have with the elderly French parents of friends who cannot understand my vegetarianism, or that I eat vegetables they consider cattle feed.

[cory]

YAverymuchNBU.

But I'm not sure it's particularly indicative of anything in the national character.

When dc were little it was my Swedish relatives who spoke warmly of reins and my British friends who looked aghast at them.

Ds is now 13. Would national character have changed that much in two nations over the years? Or are we just talking about silly individuals?

[MothratheMighty]

'They're pretty controversial here in the US, too. A lot of people look down on those who use them'

That's fine, we have reins and they have hot pink Barbie rifles for their girls. There will always be controversy over child-rearing.

[SolomanDaisy]

I live in another part of europe and have had people point and laugh at DS wearing his little life backpack. They're the twats, not us.

[Chivetalking]

Your child, your decision.

If they try and engage just smile and change the subject.

[Caitlin17]

Your child, your decision. Not Swedish but never used them.

[cardamomginger]

They are talking a load of nonsense and you don't have to justify your parenting decisions, especially those concerned wit your child's safety, to anyone.

I didn't use reins with DD, because I didn't need to. But if she had turned out to be a bolter, I would have had no hesitation (and already had them on my Amazon Wishlist just in case).

[Lemongrab]

It doesn't matter if they're not convinced. He's your child so it's none of their business.
I'd rather have my toddler on reins than under a car.

[Bearfrills]

I used reins on my DS until he was 4yo, we had a little backpack pair, because he was a bolter and because part of the walk to school is alongside a very busy road. I used to remove them when we got onto the residential street next to the school on the condition that he walked nicely beside DDs pushchair.

He's now 4.6yo and the reins have passed to 2.6yo DD because he's now capable of walking alongside the pushchair, holding hands, etc and understands not to go into the road. Having said that though we've had two near misses that left me feeling sick and shaky. One was where he saw his Nana and before I could move or react he ran across the road to her - thankfully it was our very , very quiet residential street in the middle of a weekday so there were absolutely no cars but I still shrieked his name and for days after I kept having horrific dreams where a car did turn the corner :( A second incident was coming long the road to school, the sun was very low and he accidentally stepped off the curb into the busy road. He immediately hopped back on, aided by me grabbing hold of him, and told me that he didn't see the end of the pavement as the sun was in his eyes., luckily traffic was at a stand still thanks to some roadworks or the conclusion to that one could have been very different.

Tell your in laws to mind their own business.

[Pigeonhouse]

To be honest, I'm struggling to see the case against reins. Child is able to move around safely in semi-freedom, getting exercise and fresh air, not cooped up in a pushchair when not necessary - what's the counter-argument, other than 'I don't like the look of it' and 'he'll think he's a dog'(?) ...?

[TeamWill]

Don't reply - you don't have to justify your parenting decisions to them.

I have been known to reply to strangers who give advice interfere
Ohhhh are you their parent ???
They reply No and back away.

Gets em every time

[mrsminiverscharlady]

Why do you even need to convince them that you're right? You're the parent, not them, your decision to make. They're entitled to an opinion but that doesn't mean you have to take any notice and the more you feel you need to justify yourself the greater their belief that you should take notice of them.

Thank them for their concern and then carry on as you were.

[cory]

"Swedish kids stay in the pushchair until 4/5/6"

my Swedish nephew was out of the pushchair by his second birthday, dd still needed carrying from time to time aged 3: I got plenty of pursed lips from SIL who thought she was spoilt and lazy

though to be fair, dd did later turn out to be disabled- it wasn't just the corrupting influence of her British surroundings

(we live next to a primary school here in the UK and yes, you do see children arriving in buggies- I doubt it's to do with anything deep seated in the national character)

[Bearfrills]

FWIW, sometimes when he was on his reins DS would drop to all fours and crawl around barking, DD does the same when she's on hers but she miaows. It's nothing to do with the reins, they're just odd eccentric.

[bodygoingsouth]

Mothrathemighty yes my ds was the same age too. I used them after poor Jamie was taken.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

DD was out of her pushchair by 18 mo and we used reins, thanks to the wonderful MrsPresley, for the remaining time until 3. She is much better now and incredibly fit and strong. Her friends were all in pushchairs and cars and aren't, I wonder if it is linked. We walked lots and I felt safe knowing she couldn't escape.

[MaryWestmacott]

Deliver this with a winning smile: "gosh, it's intersting how things are viewed in different countries isn't it? In the UK it's considered really bad parenting to have your children in pushchairs regularly after the age of 3 unless they have problems walking. When I first came here and saw such old children not walking, I assumed there was a lot of children with disablities in this town. Of course, before they are old enough to understand about not running off and traffic safety, most people have to use reins. It's facinating that they way we parent our toddlers looks restrictive to you and the way that Swedish people keep really old children in buggies looks really restrictive to Brits who are used to seeing children that age walking everywhere."

[AtSea1979]

Also thought of James Bulger and how the wrist reins rocketed after that. Can't say anymore, still sickens me all these years later.

[bigTillyMint]

Your child, your decision.

We never used reins, despite DD walking at 10mths and DS at 12mths, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't!

[ikeaismylocal]

It is really sad to read about the tragic deaths of small children :( I am very sorry for anyone who has lost their child.

I have only ever seen 1 child with reins on since I moved to Sweden and they were an English tourist! There was a post recently on an ex-pat in Sweden facebook page that was asking if it is illegal and the concensus was that no it isn't illegal but it is not something they do and the Swedes as someone mentioned tend to be very comforminst. I tried to buy a swaddling blanket for ds when he was a couple of weeks old (the ones with velcro on so sleep deprived parents can swaddle their baby easilly) I described it to the shop assistant and he said "we don't do that srt of thing to our children in this country!"

These in laws are actually really nice they just tend to think the same thoughts and can't see the logic behind things if it is one of the genrally disaproved things in Sweden.

I like the extra replies :) I tend to just do what I want to and ignore the general tutting, I don't break the law so I wouldn't smack or shout (which can be seen as emotional abuse which is illegal) at ds but other things I tend to do my own thing.

I'm glad my logic made sence, sometimes when people are so disaproving about things it is easy to think you are misjudging the situation.

[SleepPleaseSleep]

I use reins and get some funny looks here in belgium: but as many people have asked me where to get them from as say the kids look like dogs.

Yes it does restrict their freedom: freedom to run off, into the roads.

My kids don't always want to hold my hands,with reins I still have hold f them if they suddenly squirm free or squeal about being held.

It's just different cultural ideas though. Here the drs have always been trying to get me to squirt water up their noses (kids noses that is!), and that is hardly done in uk. Have tried it once. It was ineffective and they really didn't like it!

[Honeysweet]

Ds will think that he is a dog
Sorry to speak bad of your ils, but they are not the most sensible of people are they?
That comment alone would be enough to make me think I wouldnt always do the same as them in life.

Do they think that he should never be restrained?